Hey, just wanted to check in, and let you know that what you said really affected me, and helped me to finally end the relationship.

We had had many open discussions about his many betrayals; we were even doing weekly couples therapy, and he had begun individual therapy. He would do and say the right things each time, for a minute anyway, and out of desperation, loneliness, fearfulness in the face of illness, I would take him back.

Except it never lasted, and every time, every fucking time, it turned out to be lies. The kicker was that as I grew increasingly angry and resentful, and began showing it and standing up to him, the love-bombing evaporated and he turned nasty. The last few weeks were a whirlwind of crazy making and gaslighting, descending into blatant character assassination.

He took to trashing every tender memory, all the sacred moments when he had cared for me, all that had kept me bonded. He now went on and on about how I had just been taking advantage of him, I was selfish, I was greedy.

The truth is, I’m a person with perilously low self esteem, who tries to disappear and constantly gives too much; it is a struggle for me to ask for or accept help. But he called me “a professional victim” and “a whiner.” He knew just how to cut me to the core.

The closer I got to ending it, the deeper he stabbed. And yet- he really seemed to think we had a future together.

In the end, his sickness was blindingly clear, even to my blinkered eyes. He was flashing from sweetness to contemptuous rage at a moment’s notice- I was walking on eggshells and living in a state of high anxiety.

Thank God I’d been working on my social network, been forced to with the crisis of cancer. I started telling people what was going on. I had a couple of friends now, a therapist. On a whim I spoke the truth here.

And everyone said: Go, get out, save yourself.

It’s taken me many tries, but I did it. He’s blocked on everything, and I’m getting through each day with the conscious knowledge that I’m quitting a dangerous addiction. Lots of distraction, much reaching out for help and support. I spend time each day reminding myself of the horror. Still sometimes I miss him so terribly. Thank God my head is still ringing with so many horrible things he said.

I feel like I’m going to make it. Thank you, kind stranger, for your piece in showing me the way out.

I totally get what you mean. It seems like we should be able to eat carbs without problems. But for some of us, carbs seem to interact badly with one or more systems related to cravings/satiety, digestion, metabolism, energy storage/release. And then limiting carbs seems to really help. Especially insulin resistance/diabetes issues seem to respond well.

Perhaps it’s genetic? I remember both my parents bingeing. Or there’s been some kind of damage or exposure over time: High fructose corn syrup? Micro-plastics? Endocrine-disrupting chemicals? Who knows.

The only thing that really works against binge eating for me, is to keep a very low carb diet. I realized that if I eat carbs, I want carbs; I crave carbs, I binge. If I’m not eating carbs, I lose all interest, have no desire to eat them, my appetite falls way down and I fill up and stay satisfied super easily, and I just cease to binge.

Also, getting off carbs means a 10-day struggle with cravings (after shockingly rapid size/weight gains, bingeing and guilt); after going through that a few times, I’d rather just stay perpetually low carb. If you already like salty snacks like me, you might also really enjoy having an excuse to eat a lot of meat, cheese, veggies etc.

After decades if struggle- that’s what I’ve finally found that actually works. Over a year binge free. Good luck!

Hey y’all, YSK that applying heat to poison ivy rash provides total relief from itching for several hours. I get it ridiculously bad and so have had many unfortunate opportunities to experiment.

I’ve tried heat gun, hair dryers, nearby flames (!) but the easiest is hot water. Get water as hot as you can stand (you don’t need or want to actually burn yourself), and run it over or soak each rashy area for a few minutes. I often feel an intense wave of sensation at first, sometimes freakishly pleasurable (as if I were scratching the itch really hard).

You will be able to feel the exact area and edges of the rash; the sensation response is very distinct from adjacent areas of healthy skin. Make sure to gradually move your body and/or the water source to make sure you find the entire rash and get that heat soaked into all of it.

As you keep an area of rash exposed to the heat, the strong sensation will fade after a couple of minutes, leaving the rash-skin feeling specifically unresponsive to the heat, similar to numbness.

When you hit that point, where you no longer feel any sensation to the heat in the rash area you’re working on, you’re done. This reliably gives me 3-4 hours of complete relief from the itch.

Make sure you try other areas if you can, btw- If you’re doing this in the shower, you can effectively “scan” and treat your whole body for rashes big and small, since any affected patches of skin will leap out at you with their sensitivity to the heat. (I’ve even found that if a non-rash area has that big sensation response, it’s actually a “pre-rash” that is soon to erupt. But you can already feel the exact outlines of it under the heat.)

It seems like this treatment is reducing immune reaction in the area - and anecdotally appears to speed recovery and limit rash progression. But the relief from the infernal itch is worth it, regardless.

When you feel the itch returning, just repeat the same treatment. Try not to bump/touch the rashy areas, as that seems like it can make the itch return sooner.

This process is made easier if you can get your shower water hot enough, and just move around under the hot stream, or if you can soak in a very hot tub. But I’ve managed in a kitchen sink as well.

Hope that helps someone! It’s saved me from some incredible misery while enduring rash over much of my body.

Thanks for the info! I’m excited to try it!

Oh cool, thanks! How is it eaten exactly? Do you use it like a tortilla to roll up around other bits, or nibble it in between bites of fish, as a palate cleanser, or to add flavor? Also, what flavor is it? So many questions lol

Hey, what’s the leaf? Do you eat it?

Why is my first response, “Oh, thank god”

What do you mean by toxic in the second half of friendship? I’m genuinely curious about this pattern you’ve observed

Thank you. It’s my choice, I know, but I feel weirdly helpless about it.

Couple of good reasons.

The sex is really good and enjoyable, and plentiful. I have a high sex drive and it’s been a struggle to find someone who’s a god match for both the rather extreme amount and style that I’ve always wished for. (Could be part of the addiction?)

The really big one is that I’ve been going through cancer all year. And he ran toward me, not away. He nursed me after surgery so tenderly, kindly, lovingly. I’ve never in my life known anything like it. He knows all the bullshit and details about the whole experience. We have gone through it all together. I was helpless for a chunk of it, terrifying to someone like me who couldn’t ask for help. I have never in my life felt so safe and cared for. Oddly enough he says he looks forward to caring for me like that again after the next surgery. It’s stunning.

I suppose it’s bought my undying loyalty. I only wish it went both ways.

Also, I’m basically a deeply lonely person. I had a cold, cruel family of origin, pretty extreme combo of neglect and emotional abuse. I’ve made poor choices in my life romantically, always choosing selfish people and trying to ignore my own needs too, which I’m very good at. This guy is selfish, but also loves to care for me quite selflessly. It’s bewildering and humbling and welcome like rain in the desert.

My cheating boyfriend. I should dump his ass but i keep going back. It’s just like some kind of terrible drug addiction, where i keep sabotaging my life and giving endless resources down a black hole at the expense of everything else, especially myself; my friends are at a loss and growing tired of the cycles of nonsense. It’s killing my self respect and self esteem