thank you, my handsome boyfriend ❤️

thank you, my family 💕

thank you, strangers 🧡

thank you, friends 💛

my life has been so great because of you. i think this is my time. my own self-preservation instincts kicked in, that’s the only reason im not dead yet.

i love you, i love you. thank you, thank you, thank you thank you thank you 🙏 😊 ❤️

i mean, i guess i get why. people fear or judge what they don’t understand, but to think there’s people out there who complain about how badly they were bullied and that they have no one, then throw away one of the only people who actually bothers to check in on them because they’re “obsessed”, “stalking them”, etc. and they’re neurodivergent.

i see it on social media, i hear of it, i see it in real life.

i’m willing to bet all my money that they would not say this and treat them this way if they didn’t behave differently or have any noticeable difference.

if a person who isn’t discriminated against (straight, able-bodied, white, neurotypical, etc.) asked them what was wrong they would tell them and be nice about it and be grateful, but if someone is noticeably different in some way, they treat this person with such contempt and their personality does a complete 180.

“i don’t know why they hate you so much, you’re so sweet.” that’s why. that must be why they despise someone so kind like that.

“accepting” my ass. do not call yourself accepting if you behave this way and change your behavior. just because you support gay people or ethnic minorities doesn’t mean you can’t be discriminatory for other reasons. and you are.

unless they actually harmed you, someone who’s different does not need to apologize to you for their differences and change themselves for who you want them to be.

i have been bullied for years because of my disability. it’s all they see me as. some people have even been attacked because of it.

STAND AGAINST DISCRIMINATION

like “supporting” someone with adhd but hating them and believing they should be shunned or treated differently for interrupting others, not paying attention, and not being able to sit still, rather than try to help them or tell them not to interrupt the conversation.

or “supporting” deaf people but getting mad because they only talk sign language and can’t hear what you say.

I have quite a few disorders and i’ve been talked abt and treated like shit for it, and not just because I have the disorder but because im different. I don’t fit in anywhere and never will.

all of my “friends” talk shit abt me and my disabilities, and then one person is always like “oh yeah, this person said this about you and they hate that you can’t pay attention, and that person says you should jump off a cliff!”

I asked what we meant and she replied with: “no wonder you don’t know”

then I said if she wanted to be, and that if she didn’t want me to talk to her then I wouldn’t

my good friend who i really like called me ableist. context? i was talking to her about a guy with a disability. that’s all i said, i wasn’t making fun of such a guy.

i said something like the guy couldn’t talk correctly and i felt bad for him, and i also can’t talk correctly at times (stutter)

she said i was being rude and ableist, and the older lady/teacher i was with said how dare i say such a thing and label the guy, that i should be ashamed for “making the guy on the video feel bad”.

i, too, have a disability, and they asked me, “how would you feel someone said you had a disability!?”

i said i wouldn’t care because i do. they got mad.

she and the teacher forgave me, but i don’t know how to feel about this. i’m still trying to process everything and i don’t get it.

everyone else says that i didn’t say anything discriminatory at all, since i wasn’t making fun of him or using slurs.

i have heard this a lot with downright cruelty or bullying. i’ve talked to someone and they have said “they could just be having a bad day!!”

you may think you’re helping if you say this, but it doesn’t help in my opinion.

it doesn’t mean i can’t be taken care of just because im autistic.

it’s not my fault i got hurt for years as a child.

i’m not less than human just because im bi and autistic.

i know you say “people” hate me, that my friends don’t like my interests and see me as lesser. it can’t be that EVERYONE IN THE WORLD, EVEN MY CLOSE FRIENDS hate me. this is why no one likes you. they like me and told me they never said that so thanks for dying to make me feel bad. EVEN ADULTS.

i know it’s YOU WHO FEELS THAT WAY. WHAT A SHAME. truly sick how people act toward those who are different.

at around 16ftm, i had a group of online friends i interacted with. i also showed a lot of signs of bipolar and still do.

my one friend ryan (17m) told me to shut the fuck up, stop complaining, “just get help already” (i had therapy) and said people with mental illness were just burdens.

ryan also seemed hypocritical to me because he would say things like that but would also CONSTANTLY talk about how depressed he was and that life is just suffering, etc.

he then told me his behavior towards me was because he takes the “tough love” approach. he also proceeded to ghost me and made excuses for his behavior because of his depression, which he also said was tough love.

furthermore, i had a few online friends (19m, 23m, 30m?)

19m was just a friend of my friend (who also happens to be my ex, at the time 17m)

23m had common interests like games and tv shows with me

30m was someone i occasionally talked to, neurodivergent and didn’t have many friends nor knew how to make any. i was the only person he talked to and i would draw for him due to him not having time to do it himself.

ryan and his friends told me i was being sa’d, in fact, severely so, but i was too naive and liked them too much to realize and that it was their job as friends to protect me.

this gave me an extreme breakdown as they repeatedly shamed me for who i interacted with, didn’t really care about what i had to say sometimes, and accused random people of being sa’d when i have actually BEEN sa’d in the past.

i told them i don’t need them to take care of me as i could control who i talked to and if any of them tried anything like that, i’d block them.

be it romantic, friendly, or even sexual harassment, my abuser said i wasn’t even good enough to be sexually harassed.

that i’m autistic and therefore less than human, an animal, a child. i shouldn’t have relationships as a “child” and i’m not even attractive enough or deserving of being kissed, touched, or pat on the shoulder in a friendly gesture.

that i never had to worry abt sexual harassment because i was that gross and autistic.

you don’t deserve an ounce of my respect, love, or sympathy.

you hurt me for so long for years and triggered my ptsd. i hate you and people should stop sympathizing with you and feeling bad for you.

I HATE YOU. I NEVER WANNA FUCKING SEE YOU AGAIN. PEOPLE ALWAYS TALK ABOUT HOW HARSH I WAS TO YOU BUT YOU FUCKING SUCK. YOU VILE SCUM OF THE EARTH.

YOU DON’T DESERVE THE SMALLEST MEASUREMENT OF MY KINDNESS OR MERCY OR ANYTHING.

YOU SEE ME AS LESS THAN HUMAN AND WANT TO HURT ME. YOU MAKE MY DISABILITY MY WHOLE IDENTITY. YOU SAY I’M RETARDED. YOU CALL ME TOO DISGUSTING TO BE ATTRACTIVE OR HAVE PHYSICAL AFFECTION SHOWN TO ME.

YOU’RE FIXATED ON INTERACTING WITH MY FRIENDS AND TRY TO BRAINWASH EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEIR OBLIVIOUS BRAINS. YOU SAY NICE PEOPLE ARE EASY TARGETS BECAUSE THEY’RE STUPID. YOU SAY I’M TOO NICE. YOU PRAISE ME THEN DISCARD ME.

I’M TIRED OF TRYING TO SEE THE GOOD IN YOU. I. DON’T. CARE IF YOU HAD A BAD FUCKING DAY BECAUSE YOU’RE ABUSIVE AND YOU DON’T’ ABUSE PEOPLE ON BAD DAYS. WHAT IF YOU BEAT ME TO A PULP. “BAD DAY” HUH?

if i have any sort of interest in anything, be it a tv show, motivation for a project, a collection, etc. even if i only mention it once, i’m suddenly obsessed.

i should just give up if my plan involves many steps.

i’ve been treated badly by a “friend” for years but i’m still tempted to stay due to having a trauma bond i’m trying to break off. i mentioned once what they said to me (which is what they said in a previous post) and one of my family members said i was obsessed with them and to “just not be upset”, “why was i so insecure”, “i wasn’t abused”, etc.

i can’t mention anything to this person without him making a comment and then he asks why i don’t talk to him