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RFK Jr announces plan to put cocaine back into Coca-Cola
(chaser.com.au)
A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.
Great Satire Writing:
Here's one that's real: he's promised to ban high-fructose corn syrup, which is banned in most other developed countries. It should have been banned in the US decades ago.
He might be a wakadoodle, but he might still get a few things right by accident
I don't think your corn growers would be very happy with that.
Fuck 'em. They'll survive on their many subsidies.
Or those of the pecan pie persuasion.
Once they raise the global temperatures enough all of the Iowa corn farmers can just farm rice and sugar cane along the Iowa coastline.
All the pro-small-government people I know (the ones wanting less oversight on guns) are excited for this ban and don't see the irony that they're really only small-government in the topics they want, big-government in others they decided are bad (hfcs, some red dye, banning men from women's bathrooms). We all want government protections, turns out.
Yeah, and to be clear, I'm not thrilled about him being in charge of health, but if that's gonna be one of his things that he gets right, I would be stupid not to take what little solace I can get.
Yea, except somehow we'll end up with something worse replacing it.
High fructose fentanyl syrup
No no, Trump's tariffs on China are payback for not watching entanyl exportr. Just a stream of consciousness.
Hell try and then we'll be reading a news story about how his brain worms finally kennedy'd him the next hour after the attempt. HFCS and the multitude of corporations producing and using it aren't some pushover industry like oil and natural gas, they have actual power.
There's a reason corn is in everything processed in the US.
How tf is the oil and natural gas industry a pushover? They're literally destroying the earth and getting away with it.
I don't think Canada has it banned either lol
America Hat is part of America I thought?
Just gotta elect a guy with a brain worm, I guess...?
Nah, we kinda just follow the US.