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Allyship rule
(sh.itjust.works)
ID: Drawing of a duck billed platypus underwater, they're wearing a rainbow coloured t shirt and a pink bum-bag, and saying: "Ally is not something you can self-identify as, it's a title that you earn. Let your actions speak for themselves!"
Credit: Sophie Labelle
Part of it may be identifying as an ally as a first step. If you internaliz "I am an ally" your future actions will probably more align with that identity. People like to be true to themselves, let them identify as good things without gatekeeping it.
I think making it part of your identity rather than something you’re trying to get good at, like an exercise or craft you’ve never done before, makes people more likely to be defensive about the ways they’re not “perfect” allies.
I don’t think what you’re getting at is wrong, it could be helpful to some people to have something like that to tell themselves for motivation. Something like “I will do what I can to be an ally” or “I will be an ally today” might be better; it’s an aspirational thing that needs constant effort, like staying fit.
Which I realize isn’t super fun and sexy the way having a word to put in your social media profile is. But it’s an “any man who must say ‘I am the king’ is no true king” situation, you know?
Counterpoint. Yes, it's anecdotal, but the biggest success my mother has had in kicking her cigarette habit has been identifying herself as a non-smoker. She did that before cutting back at all, and now she's from 35/day to 6. Every other attempt, she's identified as a smoker trying to quit, and it's failed.
Same theory - let them identify as what they want to be. Once they identify as such, the behavior will follow easier than if they're saying "I'm trying to be an ally".
OK, that person is on their way to becoming an ally.
There is still no physical difference in the world brought on by thoughts that exist only in their head. Theory without practice.
And your denying them any openness and acceptance as someone actively trying to become better, even in the smallest of steps, is denying said people reason to grow. Shit doesn't happen overnight.