Once upon a spreadsheet dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many quaint and curious graphs of profit, loss, and lore—
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a clapping,
As of hooves politely tapping, tapping on my office floor.
“’Tis some livestock,” I muttered, “tapping on my office floor—
Only cows, and nothing more.”

Ah, distinctly I remember, it was in the bleak September,
And the quarterly dismembered all my hopes of fiscal score.
Eagerly I sought the meaning of the mooing, softly keening,
Of two cows, their eyes convening—gazing through my office door—
Two fine cows, no less, no more.

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
“Tell me, bovines, what’s your purpose, what you’re truly mooing for?”
Then the elder cow, unblinking, said, “We’re here to fix your thinking—
We are memes, forever linking livestock to your system’s core.
We are capitalism’s chorus, grazing myths forevermore.”
Quoth the cattle, “Let’s explore.”

“In socialism,” said one cow, “we’re shared, but milk is rationed now.”
“In communism,” said the other, “we’re seized, then milked behind closed doors.”
“In fascism,” they snorted coldly, “we’re paraded, shot, and sold boldly—
Then our hides are stamped with slogans, hung in patriotic stores.”
“In bureaucracy,” they whispered, “we are cows, and nothing more.”
Quoth the cattle, “Nothing more.”

“But in capitalism,” they thundered, “you sell one cow and buy a bull—
Then breed a herd, then lease the land, then brand us ‘CowTech’ evermore.
You milk us dry, then fire the staff, then sell our bones for market math—
Then write a guide that claims this path is noble, fair, and worth the chore.
We are profit, we are progress, we are cows who build rapport.”
Quoth the cattle, “Buy and soar.”

Startled by their bovine candor, I asked, “Is there no commander? No system sane, no pasture where the cows are not a metaphor?” But the cows, with cheerful snorting, said, “The rest are bad, not worth reporting— Only one keeps milk exporting, only one builds up the store. It’s the best one, don’t ignore it—sell one cow and buy one more.” Quoth the cattle, “Buy and soar.”