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this post was submitted on 22 Mar 2026
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Chapotraphouse
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what specialists do you need to pull this off? I could make time.
I need a cracked B2B SaaS programmer to hack into the Pokecenter's computer system to find out how many Switch 2s they got. I need an explosives expert to break into the Switch 2 case where they hold the consoles. And I need a hot cosplayer femme fatale to distract the other shoppers who betrays me just before we get away, taking all the Switch 2s with her.
Ah fuck. What about a driver? I swore to never code again..
Damn it JustSo, what happened at the playstation job wasn't your fault. No-one could have known that you had take the CD out while it was still running in order to break the security.
Look if you don't do it they're gonna try to vibe code their way in with out you... they'll be slaughtered. I know it's a lot to ask but you have to do this one last job to save the crew, you've got to!
I COULD HAVE KNOWN. SHOULD HAVE KNOWN DAMNIT.
Jackdaw YROD'd on that run man. Fuck.
You're right though, those gooners will get their brainstems flatlined before they can even get close to sliding a nop-chain past the ice if they try to run without a real skidd.
I also need someone with a soothing voice and deep Zelda lore knowledge on the intercoms to calm me down with lore facts and hypotheses while I'm executing the mission.
you're an odd fellow but you plan a good heist.
Scratch that. I need my 3DS with me jamming the Internet Settings and eShop Wish List BGM on discreet wireless earbuds.
Hell yea. Mine have some sick homescreen tunes. (I may have more 3DSes than one person needs at the moment.)
I'm available if you need someone to fill in last minute when your fake ambassador with perfect japanese and deep nintendo corporate lore knowledge is entangled elsewhere and you need someone who doesn't speak a word of japanese to bluff their way in by awkwardly saying "uh... pikachu?" at just the right moment to inexplicibly build an instant and seemingly unassailable rapport with the staff. Unless it's on friday... I've already got a magic heist on that day.
I'll betray you, but I don't want that many switches.