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this post was submitted on 12 Mar 2024
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I don't believe in an afterlife. I'll take as many years as I can, even if they're shitty years.
But yeah, I don't expect to retire.
I used to think like that, but the older I get the more I'm starting to think otherwise.
I'm not super old yet but I've had a pretty eventful life and was probably a bit too hard on my physical form when I was younger and considered myself indestructible. Now I have back pain, knee issues, pulmonary fibrosis (scarred lungs from dusty environments), messed up right wrist, missing part of two fingers on my left hand, deteriorating eyesight etc etc.
I'm not wishing for death or anything, but there starts to be a point where you really don't want to keep slowly getting worse to the point you can't do what you love anymore and you're just a burden to others. That becomes the time that you just want that last big sleep to finally get here.
Now if we could fix all these common ailments and keep our bodies like we were back in our twenties, that would be a different story...
I am 46 and I have always felt this way. And trust me, I have been through a lot of pain, both physical and mental, and am still in that pain. I have trigeminal neuralgia and I have a separate, almost certainly unrelated, condition that I'm going to the Mayo Clinic for at the end of this month.
I have felt 10 on the 1 to 10 pain scale multiple times. I have been so poor that I almost ended up homeless. And to top it off, I'm type II bipolar!
I'm not saying all of this for pity, I'm just saying that despite all of that, I want to live as long as possible. Why would I want to die when there are always new and amazing things to learn about?
Now, to be fair, I have also been suicidal in my life, but I realized almost too late that it wasn't what I actually wanted to do. I think it required me to go there to figure out that if I could live as long as I chose to live, even if it was a thousand years, I would do it. Yes, I would want to die one day. But not until I wanted to.
I think (for me anyways) the worst ones are eyesight and mobility. Both my kids are in their thirties and I do as much as I can to help them and work on my oldest's house and vehicles, but once those things go out on me I'll be about ready for the end.
I understand that way of thinking. However, I think if that were me, I'd keep holding out hope for medical help for those conditions.
I think I would pass on shitty years seeing what mom went through. Of course seeing my friend die in his mid 50s was a suck fest also.
Who knows what time we have left all I know is spending most of it working feels like a colossal waste.
I don't disagree with your assessment about it being a colossal waste to spend most of your life working. That's the worst part.