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Asking a girl out for comic book store date?
(lemmy.world)
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this post was submitted on 16 Mar 2024
184 points (96.5% liked)
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not a dumb idea. just say something simple like: "Hey, i'm going down to [comic book store name]. wanna come with?" or "Wanna go to [comic book store name]?" be chill when asking, and smile. if she says "yes," just say, "cool," and make arrangements for when to go.
the best way to avoid getting all nervous, etc. is to keep it very simple.
good luck!
edit: btw, if she says "no," stay chill and say, "ok, well, maybe another time," then walk away. smile again because it's cute. remember: she likes comic books, and you can always ask again, so no need to get too bummed out.
Edit 2: after looking at a lot of these other comments, I think I should mention, re: confidence— RELAX. Take a deep breath and don’t put too much pressure on yourself or the situation. The more natural it goes, the better.
Everyone here is giving advice that seems to try too hard, and I gotta say: don’t. If you’re more relaxed and pay more attention to what she’s interested in, you’ll actually be on your way to developing a relationship.
That works for a hangout, but not for a date. That's a good way to end up in the "friendzone" if he's looking for a relationship.
I disagree. It’s not so binary, and taking the approach I recommend can show that you’re not too eager, more motivated by exploring shared interests and getting to know the person, and, in doing so, thinking about more than your own motivations. She will respond positively to that! And all of these are critical to developing a relationship.
And if she’s interested in more, that’s up to her. While on the social outing, there will be plenty of opportunity for the verbal and non-verbal exploration and expression of further interest, and patience will pay off. “Jumping the gun” by being too aggressive is always a turn-off. It comes off as desperate/insecure and/or sleazy. Nobody likes that.
Edit: grammar/spelling
I think my issue with it is that OP wants it to be a date. If it's a date in OP's mind, but he asks for a simple hangout, and she agrees, did OP get a date?
If OP thinks it's a date and the girl doesn't, then that's setting up OP with problems down the line.
I don't think it would come across as sleazy to make one's intentions clear. Well, as long as it's about a date, and not about sex, lol
I get where you’re coming from, but…
It sounds like these two don’t even know each other, so why start with a date anyway? Ask her out to the comic book shop and see if they click. Be chill. They can talk, get to know each other more, and get more friendly. Then maybe they’re hungry after all that comic book shopping, and then they go on a date.
No need to force things to happen so fast… women appreciate that.
Edit: Thank you for making me feel very old, btw
I'm not sure what I did to make you feel old, but I'm old too! Haha
I get where you're coming from too, and that's probably how I would('ve) approach(ed) it myself. But that would be if I were okay with having a friend and getting rejected as a romantic interest down the line if that's how it were to play out.
So, IMHO, OP would need to consider what they're looking for and what they're ok and not ok with. If they don't want to end up with an awkward "I thought we were just friends, and I would never consider you romantically" conversation, then they should make a date clear. If they're fine with hearing "Let's just be friends" down the line, then a hangout is perfectly fine.
See, I think you’re really overthinking it, and they should let things proceed naturally and develop organically. OP stems nervous enough without putting on all the added pressure of immediately trying to define a relationship that doesn’t even exist yet with someone he barely knows. I think both of them can afford a little bit of space and time together to get to know each other first before delving into that. Let them talk first and hang out a little bit first. Not everything has to be so formal and rigidly planned.
For goodness sake, they’re going to hang out at a comic book store, not pick out their wedding china, lol!
And I really don’t think you’re giving this girl (or women, generally) enough credit to be able to make her own mind up and to assess OP beyond anything other than a snap binary decision of “friendzone” or “not friendzone”. Women have brains and can think for themselves. If women keep “friendzoning” you, perhaps you might try changing your approach.
Lol nobody is friendzoning me.
I have lots of women in my life, and a common thing they share is that they often have to find a way to bring up their boyfriend/fiancé/husband (who occasionally doesn't actually exist in some cases) ASAP whenever they meet a new man who wants to "hang out" because so many men don't make their intentions clear. A younger woman might not know to do that, or might not assume OP's intentions one way or the other.
My point is just that if OP wants a relationship and would be unhappy with "just friendship", he should make it clear that he's interested in a date.
If he's okay with "friendship, and if a relationship happens great, if not, I'm perfectly fine with just friendship!", then you're absolutely right that just a "hangout" is the way to go.
Yes, and we’re all very excited to meet your many girlfriends when they get back from their vacation to Canada.
In the meantime, OP can use his time during his outing to the comic book store to have escalating romantic encounters, both verbal and non-verbal, to communicate his intent rather than clumsily brow-beating his companion with his intentions like a ham-fisted child.
Look, if he treats his companion like an equal, with respect, she’ll know that he respects her and that he thinks of her as more than an object… as another person capable of thinking and making up her own mind. He will also come off as cool and confident. All that your advice will do is make him come off as insecure, single-minded, and i condensate of her as a person with her own mind, too simple to think for herself. All of these things are a massive turn-off.
Lol I'm married...must be because I live in Canada where all the girlfriends live. I also went to "the other school, you haven't heard of it"! Lmao
I think you're mistaken that adding the word "date" when asking someone out would be inherently negative. Definitely not insecure -- asking for what you want and being able to take "no" for an answer is a sign of strong emotional maturity.
I would argue that wanting a date and not making it clear when asking is inconsiderate of the woman's feelings. If she wants a friendship and not a relationship, but he only wants a relationship...but he makes it seem like he wants friendship...that feels almost deceptive.
Again, it really comes down to what OP wants and doesn't want, and is/isn't okay with.
I didn’t come here to discuss you. And I’m done discussing you. I came here to answer this kid’s question, and I have.
If you want to discuss your personal… stuff… you can pay people for that. I have zero interest.
You might want to re-read your last couple of comments in this chain then, where you were (I guess) trying to take jabs at me to make your point seem stronger, or something? Lol
If you decided to interpret criticism of your advice to OP personally, I can’t control that. Again, I’m not here to discuss your personal issues, and, especially, to soothe your ego.
Edit: also, I didn’t (how could I?) know that you actually live in Canada. I did make a quip adjacent to the “I have a girlfriend! She just lives in Canada!” trope, to express my incredulity in the comment the preceded it, and that was juvenile— for that I apologize.
The best and longest lasting relationships start between friends.
They can. But if one person is looking only for a relationship and the other person isn't open to that, then keeping things ambiguous will make things worse for both parties.
Buddy, when you raise the stakes this high before you even try, you’ve already lost because you come off as desperate and insecure. THAT is how you end up in whatever this “friend zone” thing is…
Why is it desperate and insecure to explicitly ask someone out on a date?
And if you're not sure what the "friendzone" is, then how are you so sure about how to end up in it? Lol
Where did i say that? You’re trying too hard, and that’s bad advice to give, especially to someone who would best benefit from relaxing and taking the chill approach. Women appreciate a confident approach that doesn’t come off as too eager. Everyone appreciates that. Being too quick to try to define a relationship that doesn’t even exist can come off as desperate and demanding. Young (all) women want to make up their own minds, so let them! assuming that you know better, or that your needs or desires take priority is not only arrogant, it’s misogynistic.
During the outing, she’ll pick up that OP wants more than a friendship and if she wants more, too, that’s the direction it will go. And if that’s not what she wants, then so be it. OP will have to accept that and move on, and it will be his first lesson in respecting the wishes and decisions of a woman.
I kind of agree. I think its important to give a hint at what you want. Women pick up on this and it will save you some grief if for some reason expectations are misaligned. Its common for wires to cross if you are a newbie, and its not a demerit to be clearer about it.
Yeah, I feel like the advice in the original comment is the kind of advice I would've given and liked to hear when I was younger, especially because it's easier to get a "yes" as an answer.
Without knowing the whole context and what OP actually wants, it's hard to know what's best.
But sorry you got downvoted, there's a bit of a downvote train going on! Lol