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What are you insecure about?
(lemmy.ca)
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this post was submitted on 04 Jun 2024
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How long I've been single
I have never been in a relationship in my 36 years, in my daily life I feel secure, but I am fucking terrified when I think about finding a partner, I am interested in finding one as I am getting pissed at allways being alone, but I have no idea on where to start.
It's just really hard. I would put it up there as one of the most challenging things we do in life. It can be absolutely soul destroying to be rejected.
if you think not having anyone is bad, dating will ruin you. it's brutal, illogical, and cruel.
That sounds like absolute hyperbole.
Also while there are times I do feel lonely and desperately want someone to share my life with, I am under no illusions that what I am imagining is a fairytale and that a real relationship will be very different.
In my dreams my partner has no real objectives on her own, that would be increadibly boring in reality.
In my dreams my partner is an accessory to my existance only existing to make me happy, in reality in an ideal relationship we both have goals, needs and wants, and work together to acchive both or goals, needs and wants.
I realize that my dream partner does not exist as I imagine her, and that we will both need to grow into a successfull partnership.
I am still quite happy living alone, so if/when a relationship doesn't work out, I will still be capable of living on my own.
I don't want a housewife, I find the entire concept unfair to both parties, unfair to me for shouldering me with all income for the household, unfair to my partner for forcing her to give up her carreer. I realize it works for some, but not for me.
Talk to someone who has been through a divorce and had their entire life destroyed.
And get out of your own head.
Well obviously if you just speak to people who has had bad experiences, then yeah, you will just hear about the bad stuff...
It's almost impossible to find someone these days. Social media made people a lot more picky and everyone is trying to find the perfect person that doesn't exist. Apps like tinder ruined it even more.
It depends on an age group. I would agree that in a group of 20-30 it's a mess, but 35+ you can find a decent partner (depending on your age of course).
Odd. That's backwards from what I generally hear people talk about. When you're still in your early twenties, it's very easy to meet people in college/university. Once you start getting older and leaving behind schooling and its associated extracurriculars, it gets way more difficult to meet people. Where are these 35+ people going out and finding partners? Not saying it's impossible by any stretch of the imagination, just a lot harder.
bingo.
the whole 'you'll do better when you're older' is a myth told to silence people who are unhappy in their 20s. Things don't get better, they stay the same or get worse. People don't magically mature at the age of 35 or anything... typically they just double down on bad attitudes.
people generally tell comforting myths and lies to themselves and collectively because the harsh reality of the situation is too terrifying to accept.
people also generally believe that 'one day i'll be rich'. even though they are 45 and working at a cashier in a gas station.
it's also easier to tell yourself comforting BS because then you don't have to take action and realize you are mostly a product of the choices you have made.
I agree it's easier when you are older. Not in late 20s early 30s but there is a lot of movement when people break up because they chose badly when young. So after 35, it opens up again.
no you can't.
I am over 35. I had no toruble finding people 20-35. Now I have a lot of trouble and I have nothing in common with people my own age, not to mention the ones i do meet up with... are incredibly angry at their exes/life, and many of them are still expecting to find 'the one' as in someone who saves them from their own bad choices/habits. It's dark.
at least when i was younger people were optimistic and fun.. now a first date is always 'what's your income, what is the price of your home, can you provide for me? if you aren't you're a selfish worthless asshole of a man'.
and i'm like, 'ok'.
I have been single since 20 year so yeah it sucks
Same