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This will be YouTube in 2025
(lemmy.world)
(this is not real obviously) artist: Soren Iverson
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this post was submitted on 13 Jun 2024
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I'm just gonna watch YouTube on a computer without a webcam. Now this will prevent them from doing shit like this.
"We didn't detect a Webcam on your device. You can only watch videos on devices with a Webcam. Do you want Premium*? Click here for only 29,99 per month.
*With Premium you also only can watch videos on devices with a Webcam"
This is only 2025, a year later they also want a list of the people you love the most so they can kidnap one to demand you buy Premium, which will mean they will get you premium looking ads instead of shitty looking ads.
"Looks like you're masturbating. Get a bonus month of premium if you climax during an ad."
Your bonus month of premium for climaxing during an ad is almost over! Continue premium or we will show the video of you to everyone you know.
I need the dude in the video to talk with me if I want a webcam.
Oh, let me guess, I also have to have a microphone as well so that I can't be allowed to express discontent over an ad?
Yes, you need a microphone, and allow them access to your bank account. If you didn't smile, vocally approve AND purchased the ad content you will be punished by 12 tripple ads instead of 4 double. Saying anything bad about Google or YouTube and you will get an automatic double priced Premium subscription for 6 months. This effect stacks. It will also not give you less ads. Refusing to watch any video on YouTube anymore will cost you your first born child.
What if I still don't have a child?
Kid or kidney, your choice
I'd rather keep my kidney.
If I had a kid, it would be against my wishes. Take it, the second one too if it would ever get there.
Premium lets you watch ads with up to 4 blinks per ad without pause or a total of .4 seconds of looking away from the ad without pause.
Someone will find a way to take a looped video of them watching their computer intently and feed it through their webcam. The ad battle will never end.
"to verify you are really watching, raise your right hand, look to your left, cut off your ear"
alternatively: Please wait 2 days for the new GoogleCamPro we have shipped to arrive. Please note that without a Google Premium subscription your webcam feed will have ads in it