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this post was submitted on 18 Jul 2024
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I think that's a you issue though. Recently a dude complimented my moustache (I grew it out for a while and put a bunch of effort into making it curly) and that felt awesome.
How's that a me issue? I'm not the one complimenting guys. The only right compliment from a man that feels right is from your father.
I think it's a you issue because you think giving compliments from man to man is weird. What exactly is your issue with it? Are you afraid it makes you look gay or something? For example, if I'm wearing a shirt of a band I like, and another dude compliments it, why would that not make me feel good? Feeling seen is a human need I think, it gives a sense of belonging.
I'd say it depends on how you compliment it exactly. If you say "That's a nice shirt", that's basically saying you have good taste. I see no issue with that.
But if you'd say "You look nice in that shirt", that would be weird and I'd assume you're coming on to me.
But why is it weird? As long as whoever compliments you like that doesn't try to kiss you, what's the issue? Maybe the shirt suits you well and highlights something nice about your physique? As long as the compliment ia genuine, why do you assume whoever compliments you is trying to get in your pants? Is that the only reason you give compliments like that?
Honestly I struggle with flirting so maybe I'm getting something wrong here. Maybe people really generally only compliment like that when they're trying to suggest sexual interest.
I think you sound pretty normal. Dudes should be able to compliment each other. If it wasn't for that most of us would get nothing.
It's not a big issue. It would just feel weird, I can't give you a reason.
If it was coming from a gay guy, that would acually make it better. At least then you understand the motivation for commenting on another guy's looks.
Hmm, fair enough.
I removed that sentence because I realized it was a bit assumptious. But honestly I don't understand why it would be better from a gay person. That would make me personally more uncomfortable, because it would feel like an advance that I would not be able to retort. If it would come from someone I assume ia straight, I would just take it as a compliment. Like, I can see how other men are beautiful/handsome, even though I have no sexual interest.
Well, if very much the exact opposite for me. I really don't understand why you would care about how other people look unless there is physical attraction. Telling someone that they look good without any physical attraction seems very insincere to me. Like, why do you care how I look like if you have no interest? It's just weird.
Now I do agree there are some exceptions for extreme cases. I can look at Ryan Gosling and it's hard to ignore that he is a very beautiful/handsome man. But I still wouldn't tell HIM that. First of all, he knows and second, for what purpose? I'm not really interested, he isn't interessted. It would be a weird thing to say.
It's not about caring about the way someone looks, it's about appreciating something someone has put effort into or the way they express themselves, imo
I guess Ryan gosling knows it, yeah. But probably not every man you see on the bus or at the grocery store does. So why not brighten their day a little? I like to compliment guys on tattoos or nice hairstyles etc when I notice it.
So basically A for effort, that's exactly what I mean by it being insincere.
Because that is just lying to people to make them feel better. It's patronizing and disrespectful.
why would it be insincere? again, sounds like a you problem to me.
What do you mean why? YOU just explained it to me.
You said you would tell someone their beautiful, not because they actually are, but because you're regonize that they put in effort. That's insincere.
You said you should tell random people on the bus (most of them will be very average looking) that they are beautiful, because you want to make them feel better. It doesn't get much more insincere than that.
Also, there is no problem because guys randomly complimenting each other isn't a widespread thing in the real world. And in my book that's a good thing. There is already enough lying and disconnect from reality in the world.
obviously I'd only say it when I actually think it's beautiful... I just prefer to compliment something where they put in effort instead of just "nice eyes" or "youre beautiful" or some bullshit like that.
you added the part where I just say it to everyone in your interpretation.
Hell, majority of guys DON'T wanna receive compliments from another dude. Even if Reddit tries to make you believe that isn't the truth. We, as males wanna be out at least look strong and being told sissy shit is far from it. Again, from a girl has a lot more of merit, especially since she don't go around saying them to guys usually unless I dunno, every dude in her condo is a model.
You're spot on in the last part, there's already too much bs and disconnection in the world, another lie just between eachother just to don't feel sad and depressed of being eternally single, failed in life or whatever isn't going to help.
That's the problem. Males usually only do compliments here in sexual interest. Don't deny it. I don't want any of it from a dude. I welcome it from a girl. I'm a male.
I mean, I'm able to see beauty in men, even though I am not sexually attracted to them. Not sure why that would be a problem. Also male here.
Honestly, based on your comments here I'd say that this is a you problem by proxy; I'd bet that it's your dad that's done you such a disservice raising you that you now reject compliments from 50% of the population of earth. That's a problem for you.
On the sexual side, if you can't see any positive in another man showing you any sort of attention in that way, that's a problem. Its not gay to receive a compliment, man. Just say thanks and move on with your day. EZ PZ.
What you say is also a key point to understanding where the borderline is for sexual harassment or other types of unwanted behaviours in the workplace.
This is often confusing for some people who often ask: "Why can't I say this and what's up with everyone being offended over compliments?", etc.
Simply put: It's perfectly fine to say "nice jeans", but it is not okay to say "your butt looks great in those jeans".
It might be fine for other private occasions, but in a professional working environment we shouldn't judge each other by personal appearance or sexuality.
Ok not but that's different. The guy is complimenting "the shirt or the band that appeals to him" not you.
I know, that was the difference I wanted to highlight because it wasn't clear in the previous comment.
Oh