66
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
this post was submitted on 28 Jul 2024
66 points (89.3% liked)
Ask Lemmy
26890 readers
1224 users here now
A Fediverse community for open-ended, thought provoking questions
Please don't post about US Politics. If you need to do this, try !politicaldiscussion@lemmy.world
Rules: (interactive)
1) Be nice and; have fun
Doxxing, trolling, sealioning, racism, and toxicity are not welcomed in AskLemmy. Remember what your mother said: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. In addition, the site-wide Lemmy.world terms of service also apply here. Please familiarize yourself with them
2) All posts must end with a '?'
This is sort of like Jeopardy. Please phrase all post titles in the form of a proper question ending with ?
3) No spam
Please do not flood the community with nonsense. Actual suspected spammers will be banned on site. No astroturfing.
4) NSFW is okay, within reason
Just remember to tag posts with either a content warning or a [NSFW] tag. Overtly sexual posts are not allowed, please direct them to either !asklemmyafterdark@lemmy.world or !asklemmynsfw@lemmynsfw.com.
NSFW comments should be restricted to posts tagged [NSFW].
5) This is not a support community.
It is not a place for 'how do I?', type questions.
If you have any questions regarding the site itself or would like to report a community, please direct them to Lemmy.world Support or email info@lemmy.world. For other questions check our partnered communities list, or use the search function.
Reminder: The terms of service apply here too.
Partnered Communities:
Logo design credit goes to: tubbadu
founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
You're being downvoting because people believe in the "romantic ideal" and never analyzed how relationships really look like for a large number of people.
What you write about is not a good thing but unfortunately that's how most people practice relationships.
Well "most" might be a too strong of a qualifier. Depends a lot on the culture. If you come from a culture where marriage is so important that's almost mandatory, the above kind of relationship is inevitable.
Some of those cons could be true, but I think the bigger problem is that they only listed "sex and money" as the only pros.
What are you doing in a relationship if that person isn't basically a really good friend that you can laugh with, do hobbies with, watch and talk about movies with, share music with, etc.
Sure you might have to hang out with mutual friends you don't love (Though a good partner won't force you to). You do need to spend time on their hobbies and likes if you don't specifically share them. I'm not sure if I can vouch for the rest, though, those are some cons where you need to be really selective and find like minds to be with (don't like to speak very often).
the other two (manipulated for sex, fear of divorce) are more like things you should go to therapy to learn not to tolerate or worry about, respectively.
Absolutely, I agree with you completely. And I actually believe finding a life partner is possible. There are good examples out there.
It's just when you come from a, let's call it heteronormative (word of the day) environment, you are constantly pressured into being in a relationship. With anyone. Doesn't matter if you want it. It leads to awful mental health.
That and if the idea of being lonely frightens you or makes you sad it can be easy to want to latch onto anyone, that's really easy to fall into.
Also, unless they meant fear of breaking up, there's no need to fear being divorced if you just don't get married. Not everybody wants or needs to get married, that also sort of falls into the "take your time and really assess the partner" idea
I've said this before, my mother and father weren't friends. Yet they were married for 11 years. That's more than many friends being married. Is not necessary.
It's not necessary, no, but it can totally be a pro, unless you just don't want to be friends with your lover.
Basically what I've said, some people don't want friends.
So are you a loner or you don’t want a friend who is constantly around?
I don't wanna people around besides my partner and I don't want her relatives around me. It seems like these days is impossible to have a relationship that is just you and your woman, or you and your man and that's it. There's always someone else.
How exactly do you expect to find someone who you want to be around when you by your own admission hate literally all interactions with other people? Newsflash: sex is a social interaction. Are you imagining that she's just going to pop out of a lamp like a Genie? And where does she go after you blow your load? Do you just put her back in the closet like a blow-up doll?
Just admit that what you really want is a sex worker and be honest. It sounds like you have no interest in tolerating someone else's presence unless they are actively banging you. A relationship is about so much more than just sex.
So does that extend to her friends as well? Or is it just family you have a problem with? Also, is it about family that is constantly around and in your business or just that the family feels like they’re part of the relationship too?