It also strikes me as very rude to chime in with "smh don't you know women are attracted to more than just looks?" Because that's just super condescending. Yeah of course we know that, that's how attraction works for everyone.

Everyone is attracted to more than just looks, that's why it hurts to hear your partner say they wouldn't be sexually attracted to you, were it not for your pre-existing relationship (which I know isn't what she meant to say, but that is how it can be interpreted). You'd like to think they're into you for more than just... Being a stable person or whatever. Most people probably want there to be something intangible about themselves that makes their partner attracted to them, some parts of the sum of the whole that are ever-present even outside years of knowing each other.

Saying it's about men wanting to own women or needing to be the most beautiful person in the room is making a lot of very negative assumptions about someone else based purely on the fact that you'd interpret a vague sentence differently.