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this post was submitted on 20 Sep 2024
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On the road to fully automated luxury gay space communism.
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Seems less likely to succeed than my startup Hellion, which seeks to generate nigh-unlimited amounts of clean energy by opening a portal to the Infernal Abyss.
Brb - googling.
Also - I don't mean to derail your this sub-thread but could you give us an update on your Hellion's Torment Nexus project?
Not at all, thanks for asking!
Hellion is making massive strides on the Torment Nexus project, with record-breaking reports of dissatisfaction among volunteer beta testers. We're still working on clearing the necessary hurdles to achieve mass torment at scale, but our prototype devices are capable of delivering steady streams of up to 100 agons per hour at standard loads, and incidences of spontaneous combustion into clouds of of brimstone-scented smoke and the insane giggling of a being driven beyond the pale of sanity whose warped mind can no longer be considered fully human are way down from our alpha testing. The engineering team feels like we are currently well ahead of our initially projected timeline to market. We plan to begin delivering affordable torment to customers in select US markets by Q4 2025.
Fantastic!
Impressive! Seriously though - I thought affordable torment was at least ~10 years away. This is indeed great news.
Using the methods available to us as little as a few years ago, you'd be right. Fortunately, thanks in part to tireless researchers at the Torment Studies Department of Stanford University, whose researchers are working with what some worrywarts might describe as "worryingly large" sums of public funding, we've developed several shortcuts in our torment delivery framework. Fears that the speed of our development is the result of dealmaking with dark forces with subtle motives beyond our ken are, of course, false - it's purely the result of some creative thinking coupled with a hard-nosed dedication to the scientific method. For example, experiments show that torment can be delivered via supersensory means, inducing feelings of dread, anxiety, and exhaustion without the user even aware that they're being tormented! Abilities previously thought to be unique to haunts and spirits confined to the non-physical planes can now be harnessed with a little boring engineering. For other concerns, we'll refer you to our Huey "Expandable" Mandibles, who was just promoted from our finance office to the role of Chief Ethics Officer.
The Torment Studies Department continues to impress. Stanford's gonna be a world leader in torment if they keep this up.
I'm speechless.
Game changer.
Mandi gets results by understanding the bigger picture and by being hard nosed. Wise pick.
We appreciate your enthusiasm! It's support from our many potential customers that motivates us to work hard every day to deliver as much unnecessary unendurable punishment as technology permits straight to your cerebrum.
How are talks going with Cypress Hill to be your musical outreach communicators? I can't wait for the remix!
Torment in the membrane / Torment in the brain!
based and Samuel Hayden-pilled
Hey, I've seen this done before, it's basically limitless power. In Minecraft.
No, really, in Minecraft - albeit modded. Some sort of chunk loader in the Nether, plus some means of pumping fluids, plus some sort of interdimensional transport of fluids, plus some sort of lava-fueled power generator (all pretty standard and easy to make in an average tech-type modpack) equals unlimited free power.
Way back when I was admining an FTB server running on Minecraft 1.7.10 and dealing with lag issues (fucking Railcraft tanks...) I just decided to put an infinite lava source at spawn using the EnderTanks mod so that players wouldn't need to put chunkloaders all over the Nether to get their lava power fix. They could just tune their own receiving tank to the same "frequency" (a three colour code) and voila, lava for power (or whatever else, like Tinker's Construct smelteries, I love that mod) without lagging the whole damn server.