Background: I suspected I was Autistic for quite a while. I've always felt a connection to Autistics online and NDers at large but never considered I was ASD until I started reading askreddit threads about people on the spectrum and had more than a few "wait, that's me" moments. I read more, obsessed over articles and online tests, and finally got my soft diagnosis from my therapist a few months ago.
My diagnosis is actually ASD, severe depression(which I already knew), social anxiety(samesies), and posible ADHD.
My wife also got diagnosed with ADHD, OCD, and anxiety, and a bit of PTSD.
Our oldest is also very much ADHD
So suffice to say, our household is a giant mess of neurodivergence and I wouldn't have it any other way.
I spent a few months in a sort of buffer mode after my diagnosis and decided to read Unmasking Autism ahead of the planned reading group. The book sort of changed my life. In reading it, I felt at times Devon Price, the author was speaking directly at me. At other times, he was talking about my ND friends and family. I got a 10,000 foot view of what Autism and neurodivergence was and I got an intimate view of who I think I actually am.
The book visits something called Divergent Design. It's the concept that rather than trying to live in a Neurotypical box, design your living space around you. Figure out what works for you and own that.
I hate clutter and visual noise. My wife is a clutter bug who loses her keys after setting them down 2 seconds ago. I used to get mad about it but I completely understand now. I'm gonna try and spend 2024, redoing our house set up with Divergent Design in mind.
A few ideas I have for myself is to redo my "Me Space." With 2 kids and the complete anarchy that is our lives, it's hard to have a spot for me. But my computer desk is that spot. I'm fairly territorial about it too. But looking at it, I have come to accept that it's in a states of organized chaos. I bought some bins and a stack of drawers on wheels to hopefully help me get my clutter out of sites but in an equally organized way.
So for example, I wanna put most of my fidget toys in a drawer along with this stack of gift cards I have accumulated. I will know where they are but I won't see them. I will keep my main fidgets at hand for when I find myself wanting to stim. I will be able to swap out fidgets as desire dictates as well.
This will also work with my 7(yes seven) mechanical keyboards I own. Same for my 4 handheld emulators. I figured even though I like collecting these things it doesn't mean they need to be in my face the entire time, distracting me from being productive.
I have 3 sets of flashlights and knives that I carry when I leave the house, but I don't need all of them in a pile under my monitor I can pick a set for a week or 2 and hide the others away where I will know where they are at. I can leave my 2 Rubik's cubes that I am currently maining within reach and put the other 7 away.
This helps tackle me but I am working with my wife on what will work for her.
Right now there is a pile of clutter on my "fermentation station", a currently quasi-defunct hobby, there is a pile of clutter on our dining table(that is actually in our living room which is based btw), There is clutter on the shoe rack part of our combo coat rack that we bought to keep organized(rofl), and she has 3 half-started project in our mail sorter/key peg combo that was supposed to be for mail and keys. I have a few ideas but I don't really know what will work and won't work. One idea is to get a drainable tray to put in our shower on the floor as a "target" for her to put her shampoo bottles back and maybe a waterproof reminder note to remind her to re-adjust the showerhead before she gets out since she is a shower sitter and I am a stander.
I am still working on a few other things to run by her but am putting my foot down on buying one more dry erase board that either won't get hung or will never be used. I want systems that will finally work for her. Maybe have a few "target spots" that she can put her keys, for example. Functional women's jean pockets would be great but, alas, we like in a fascist patriarchy...
I also want to start exploring "radical visibility" from that book as well but not sure where to start yet. I'm a 40 year old man with a beard and I started painting my fingernails again occasionally so that's a start. I am basically always stimming but also usually have a fidget toy in my pocket whenever I leave the house, not sure if that is socially acceptable since a lot of my toys are unique and not a fidget cube or spinner. I like loud clacky tactile stuff so I have 5 sliders and a few haptic coins and such and love them.
Share ideas if you feel obliged but I wanted to post this more as a positive post instead of the negative ones I normally do on social media.
But yeah, that's the post. I think in my head, if I put it out on the internet, it will be more concrete for me instead of "I could do that maybe" type stuff.
Oh! I am also trying to become more active in ND spaces online and kind of wanna explore the possibility of setting up an org or something in my city. Disabled, queer, trans, NDers, and other marginalized people aren't just invisible here but in a lot of cases are flatout hated and I wanna see that fixed.
I've found it I say the usual "don't like killing animals or the climate" I get pushback but if I just tell them I have gout, they back off. They even ask if I've had a flair up and get all doughy-eyed when I say I haven't had one in 2 years lol. Idk why it's a surprise when I cut out one of the big 2 major culprits for flair-ups completely and drastically cut out my beer intake which is the other culprit but whatever, they seem to like the answer.