I don’t know where to put this.

I’m a bicurious/hetero young white woman with Christian white parents. My dad found out I support gay rights despite identifying as straight. He didn’t really like that I have a Hispanic fiancé (he was okay with it, but he was like “you could do better, come on.”)

He called me a “leftist lib” because I support interracial marriages, gay marriages, trans rights, etc. How can you use supporting these things an insult though??

I also really want acceptance as someone who is neurodivergent and has seen neurodivergent people and minorities be bullied/discriminated against and also has been bullied themself.

I just don’t care if we survive as a species. We aren’t surviving forever. I care about having a good time while we can. I don’t think having ten billion people with 99% of them being poor is good. I don’t think 20 billion forced to eat bugs and die of treatable disease is good. I don’t think having kids just to have kids and keep the species going is good.

I think we should attempt to make the world a great place for the few humans who can live a grand life until it all dies. Through technology and evolution we can achieve amazing things and see more than we would ever be able to see but… it’s going to destroy the planet faster. Oh well.

I just don’t really care about preserving anything because to preserve it means we are going back to the dirt and, quite frankly, I’d rather the species just go extinct at that point than fall into some dark religious anti intelligent shit hole where you suffer until death and we go extinct anyways eventually after adding who knows how many centuries of suffering to the universe.

I feel like people won’t say it, but actions speak louder than words! I have vegan progressive and lgbtq friends eating at McDonald’s (supporting killing animals even though you don’t eat it yourself), flying to Florida to vacation (supporting fascism), buying trucks (anti climate change) and working at major corporations (supporting all that’s bad by being a cog) on and on and on with the choices I see people make that add another little cut to the thousands that will cause the death of the planet.

So come on, just admit it, you don’t really care either. Do you?

On Monday I have a meeting with my boss and his boss. They wouldn't say what for, only that "I shouldn't worry". Which makes me ABSOLUTELY worry. Don't think I'll be fired but I'll probably be put on a PIP or something.

On top of that one of my cats is actively dying. She's 15 and I'm by no means ready to say goodbye.

Then I decided to upgrade my pc but of course I botched that and now I have a very expensive paperweight, a mountain of frustration, a few thousand € wasted and nothing but misery and shit to look forward to.

Ain't life grand? I'm in my 40's and when I was younger, I kept going thinking "one day surely things will finally be better". But they're not. They always keep getting worse and my ability to cope diminishes instead of growing. I feel every failure separately covering me with their weight, and I've finally racked up enough that the combined stress is starting to crush me completely.

I hate this town. I hate this fucking town.

I just want to sew. I've been looking for local sewing jobs for fucking ages!!! Everyone in my area is looking for upholstery work. There's a fuckton of boats in my area that people want done. But every single upholstery shop has told me "no". Four local shops. Have a fuckton of work they want done, but they don't want to pay me the amount!!!!

A local shop finally called me back. Guy gave me 4 outdoor cushions to make and said he'd evaluate my work & pay me when it's done.

I worked on 4 cushions, 2 different sizes, complete with piping & zippers on all of them. Took me 3 days. Approximately 6 hours per day of work, a total of 18 hours, and that's the low estimate.

Got it done. Looks awesome.

He gave me 100$. Then he said I could compete with his current seamstress for jobs and he'd choose the cheaper of the two estimates we give.

I want to fucking cry. I have to take this job. Any job. I need the money.

I'M ONLY ASKING FOR LIKE 300$ PER WEEK IN ORDER TO SURVIVE???? Am I crazy????? Is that too much????

At least he gave me the job where I quoted 35$ each for 2 vinyl boat pieces.... that's 70$.. I think I can get it done in day.... wow.... 10$ an hour.... fucking wow......

I hate this. I fucking hate this so fucking much.

God, I want to cry......

EDIT: Start my own business?

During a looming economic crisis + ridiculous foreign tariffs + with real estate currently at an all-time high?

Don't think I can take the risk that right now, as much as I'd like to.

I enjoy writing software, but...

I'm sick of making yet another fucking CRM.

I'm sick of trying to keep data synced between seven different third-party services.

I'm sick of trying to pull everything in the database into a single fucking dashboard.

I'm sick of trying to stay within a budget that's based on some wild-ass guesstimates made by someone who quit over a year ago.

I'm sick of creating things that will only ever be seen by a couple people in some random companies, and will be enjoyed by nobody.

I’m Chris, a 20-year-old Dutch & Polish guy. I happen to be quite emotionally unstable and lack empathy, and I hate myself for it, but I am good at hiding it.

I knew a young woman who tried to kill herself because she was bullied and seen as „strange”. I was best friends with the girl who bullied her into attempting suicide and tried to get everyone to stop talking to her because she was „disgusting”.

I have emotional instability so I sabotaged a relationship with a guy I had feelings for. He has a girlfriend now and I have moved on. I have anger issues and I destroyed the property of one of my friends too and yelled at them. Now they seem nervous around me but I can’t help myself.

thank you, my handsome boyfriend ❤️

thank you, my family 💕

thank you, strangers 🧡

thank you, friends 💛

my life has been so great because of you. i think this is my time. my own self-preservation instincts kicked in, that’s the only reason im not dead yet.

i love you, i love you. thank you, thank you, thank you thank you thank you 🙏 😊 ❤️

So, I have been friends with Belinda for a while and just broke free.

At the time, she accepted me into her friend group when no one else would.

I was always the “weird kid” because I behaved differently and needed special education.

During my freshman year, I met this very pretty girl in my Gym class. She had a great fashion sense, wore light makeup, and seemed like one of the popular girls.

I found out her name was Belinda. I started to talk to her, and surprisingly, she was really nice. She didn’t seem fake at all.

I developed feelings for her. She looked really pretty and was also kind to me when no one else was. She gave a vibe of confidence too, which made me like her.

Eventually, since we seemed to hit it off and she acted like she enjoyed my company a lot, I confessed to her that I liked her.

That’s where it went wrong.

She rejected me. “Sorry, I’m not that into you.”

That in itself would have been fine. In fact, the only reason I confessed was because of the chance she could be into me since she was bi.

“I’m not into people like you. Socially awkward girls who can’t do anything.”

I cried for days after the fact, but I moved on and I still liked her as a friend.

She complained to me in her darkest times. I complained back. We comforted each other. I wrote an appreciation note for her (she blocked me so I can’t find it now).

However, one thing I would fail to take into consideration was the way she treated me a lot of the time. She would always talk behind my back.

If I didn’t act the way she wanted me to, she’d make fun of me, scream at me, kick me out of her circle. She got mad at me because I didn’t like sports.

Then, she would scream at me more and have her friends hate me for little things because I wasn’t perfect.

I eventually unmasked fully around her and told her I was autistic. She hated me even more and bullied other autistic people as well, as I later found out.

I found out recently she never liked me and pretended to.

In the group chat, I remember an incident where she made jokes about she and her friends raping other people and each other. They then said this would never happen to me because no one wanted an autistic person. Not to touch them nor have sexual relations with them.

She defends pedophilia.

I have so much trauma from Belinda and her friend that I can’t look them in the eye or say anything without getting physically sick, specifically with the friend.

I have cut all contact with these people.

Kid is always outside by himself. No parents in sight. He's about 7. He's always playing and trying to connect with others. So he's pretty lonely I guess.

Now here's the real problem, which is consequence of the above problem.

Hes telling kids younger than himself completely uncalled for derogatory terms. Like "fuck you you are so wrong". They're like 5-6 years and shouldn't take that shit. But they listen because his a bit older and dictating what they play and "can do/not do".

And then he chased after the 5 yo and and hit him on repeatedly on his bike helmet because he didn't want to play a game how he wanted it go be.

So yeah, this kid is going to become so much trouble if left unchecked. I want him to be seen and guided by his family. Not left out of sight, out of mind.

I think I should subscribe to a news service provider for RM50.00 per year. I'm tired of repeated artificial care by ChatGPT. It's time to liberate myself toward the community and handwritten content. I'll only use generative AIs for grammar correction and their insights.

While I enjoyed receiving feedback on my art, I'm just getting tired of people ignoring the link in the description, baselessly accusing me of using AI and not apologizing after I correct them. The latest accusation was on Tumblr and it was then that I just thought to myself "you know what, I've had enough of this"

I've kept receipts associated with my art on Internet Archive. I am also vehemently against using AI image generators, especially as someone who has had her art used without permission for usage in an AI output.

While I cherished the positive comments that I got, I don't want to associate what is my hobby with any form of hostility, don't want anxiety about people spreading misinformation about me as an artist so I've decided that from now on, I won't be posting my art online. I'm still going to keep my old art up, I just won't be posting any new art even though I'm still drawing.

i mean, i guess i get why. people fear or judge what they don’t understand, but to think there’s people out there who complain about how badly they were bullied and that they have no one, then throw away one of the only people who actually bothers to check in on them because they’re “obsessed”, “stalking them”, etc. and they’re neurodivergent.

i see it on social media, i hear of it, i see it in real life.

i’m willing to bet all my money that they would not say this and treat them this way if they didn’t behave differently or have any noticeable difference.

if a person who isn’t discriminated against (straight, able-bodied, white, neurotypical, etc.) asked them what was wrong they would tell them and be nice about it and be grateful, but if someone is noticeably different in some way, they treat this person with such contempt and their personality does a complete 180.

“i don’t know why they hate you so much, you’re so sweet.” that’s why. that must be why they despise someone so kind like that.

“accepting” my ass. do not call yourself accepting if you behave this way and change your behavior. just because you support gay people or ethnic minorities doesn’t mean you can’t be discriminatory for other reasons. and you are.

unless they actually harmed you, someone who’s different does not need to apologize to you for their differences and change themselves for who you want them to be.

i have been bullied for years because of my disability. it’s all they see me as. some people have even been attacked because of it.

STAND AGAINST DISCRIMINATION

I’m a useless, pathetic dog. I’m a worthless creep who will never have value or amount to anything, just like she said.

Even the most accepting people hate me and throw me away in the end. They like my autistic friend more than me. They think I’m disgusting and never will forgive me for missing social cues.

If even the kindest people make me sad and give me mental problems, and even the kindest people hate me, then I must be a terrible person.

And the mental problems I currently have make me a terrible daughter. A terrible girlfriend who can’t be there for her boyfriend. A terrible person.

This will be the saddest way our relationship has to end. This time, it won’t be because they don’t get along, but because I’ll be dead just like she wants.

I hope he finds a better gf. Maybe I won’t be dead anyway. I’ll be taking a shower soon so it could give me time to think and clear my mind.

I try to work on myself and be a better person, one that everyone wants, but I can never be what they want or they threaten me. I will never be forgiven and I’ll always be scum who should die to them.

Honestly, I may not do it, because I CAN’T FIND A WAY WITHOUT COWERING, but you can

or something lol. or find another way to do it, like euthanasia. for now, i’ll try to live, but still.

For now I’m done. I doubt it but I could become a symbol of discrimination or something: a girl whose life was so filled with discrimination she died. But I could live and tell the tale as a survivor

I love you, my boyfriend 💕

And my family ❤️

But I fucking hate you, even if you were right, Bella. I know you won’t feel guilty for being so cruel a life may be taken or threatened, but it’s okay.

All I do is talk about the situation, and it’s probably not gonna do anything for my mental health despite its recentness.

However, I need to say the last thing about this. To talk about how I’ve deduced that I clearly don’t add anything good to the world or the universe.

I’m alive for people like my few friends, my family, and boyfriend, but that’s kind of it.

I was alone for a good long while, and I’m (almost) alone again. A group of people took me in and accepted me for being different despite many people not wanting to be around me. Now these nice, accommodating people hate me just like everyone else did.

I will never be loved and it’s because my behaviors are different and I have no social skills. I will always be a terrible human being who deserves this.

I was friends with these people for years and they accepted me and cared about me when no one else did. Now, it hurts, because they like my friend a lot but don’t even care about me and act like (and say) I’m such a burden to them.

They talk behind my back to each other, they say rude things, they say stuff that’s not true. They say they don’t want me around and it’s all my fault.

One situation, I followed this girl Alice and her friend Beth around to talk to them. Alice said she hated me, and I didn’t know what I did wrong because her friends called me a creep and a stalker. They talked behind my back. Rather than tell me what I did wrong and tell me to not do that again, they said things like that.

But Alice forgave me, so I guess that doesn’t matter. My friends never actually liked or cared about me, they hated me but tolerated me.

However, my friends Alice and Belinda are also friends with a specific woman Charlotte, who I’m having problems with.

[Alice does not hate me, she is no longer the way I described.]

Belinda is ehh… She convinced me I’ll never be liked because of my disability, but she was right in the end. I guess Belinda’s smart. When I don’t do something she wants, she said she’ll say rude things about me and tell everyone my personal life, then she’ll never speak to me again.

She doesn’t really like her best friend and my good friend Diana, but she pretends she does. In reality, she doesn’t really like anyone besides possibly Alice and a few others, but she doesn’t wanna look bad by being direct about it.

I’d say Diana and Ethan are the only people that actually understand my disability and care about me. Diana has probably talked behind my back about how annoying I am, but I guess I forgive her. Plus, she said everyone can be annoying at times.

Ethan himself has a disability so he understands and cares about me. I can’t talk to him about anything, though, because he’s very, very depressed due to facing harassment.

Diana, of course, is far from perfect, but everyone else is far from perfect too. Belinda sort of has narcissism or outright NPD, so maybe I should cut her some slack since she, too, is neurodivergent.

Back to my recent struggle with Charlotte. She absolutely despises me and thinks I’m scum of the earth. She’s stalked my social media profiles and such, and called me a creep and said I deserved bad things to happen to me. Apparently, this was because I walked up to her and interrupted in the middle of her conversation, which I get.

Because of this, I apologized, but she said she’d never forgive me, that I was just a stupid dog and a creep. She said that like a fly, she’s been trying to get rid of me but I won’t go away, and that she’d, like a fly, hit/kill me if she had to. I don’t get if this is figurative or literal, but I stay away from her now.

Charlotte is known as a fantastic woman, but Diana never saw that in her. Diana says Charlotte seems fake and cruel. Belinda defends Charlotte every step of the way and laughs at every single thing Charlotte says because she’s so great.

Charlotte is known to be very happy-go-lucky, intelligent, and kind, but evidently Diana and I see a very different side to her. To me, she’s sarcastic, cruel, and menacing, if that’s the right word.

She absolutely despises me. I suppose that’s my fault, even if I apologized and Diana also has similar problems.

I should probably accept that I did this all to myself and I will never be liked or accepted by those who know me best that aren’t my family. Maybe my boyfriend will even break up with me once he gets to know me and gets sick of me. I’m literally the friend no one likes, and I’ll just have to accept that I’m a problem, no matter how much I try to apologize for my past mistakes and not paying attention to social cues.

Hopefully, he will stay with me and we last years and even get married like we both hope 💓. If, or when, I move or somehow never see these people again, specifically Charlotte, who I cut contact with, I’ll heal and get a fresh start with my boyfriend.

Diana easily forgave me, though, and I think Belinda did, too, and I told them I’d work on it and not do it again. They did not react with hostility, but they’re also not Charlotte. Charlotte is also trying to control who I and Belinda and Diana talk to, which enraged Diana.

Belinda was quite chill about it, though, since she’s normally chill and doesn’t really like or care about me or Diana. She talks to us, though, because we’re her friends and she doesn’t despise us. Plus, we’re nice to her.

I’m just dumping all my thoughts. I’m not good for anyone, and all I do is hurt others. Ugh. I’m a burden and a mistake to Charlotte, to Belinda, and to her other friends. They’re normally nice, but they despise me, so I did this to myself. After all, people can be as bad as Charlotte in their treatment of others and still be a good person, I guess.

I’m clearly a bad person, since they normally accept others, no matter how badly they miss social cues. If the most accepting people think I’m a burden, then I must be. I’ll try to work on myself. Charlotte probably isn’t a bad person, I am.

I’m well aware, though, and will try to work on myself. I’m kind of upset, so please try to be comforting/reassuring and not like “Yeah, you suck.” I’m aware I suck.

Why does it have to be me? I try to be kind to others, I try to be there for them and friendly, and because of my autism, I get nothing but cruelty for it.

They’re very nice, kind, and accepting and believe in rights for everyone, but that’s only if the person isn’t autistic. They think you should be free to express your opinion and be like a normal person but only if you’re not autistic. You’re not even worthy of rights or kindness if you are. You’re like a small child or an animal. They treat you much, much, differently. They say they’ve always wanted to hurt you but all you are to them is autistic and they can’t hurt an autistic person without being “shunned”, so to speak.

My friend is autistic. A guy, much less awkward than I am, doesn’t have social anxiety. He’s treated with so much kindness even by those people.

Why does he get treated well and I don’t?? Is it because of my social anxiety?? Is it because I’m a woman with autism?

It seems even the “kindest” of people give me crap because of a trait that does not even define me as a person.

It says much more about them than it does me that they choose to treat me this way because of it.

I woke up very early, shaking because of what I talked about yesterday.

This is not a pity party kind of post. I’m trying to be as pragmatic as possible. I don’t think that anyone owes me anything.

I’m working on getting over my unrequited love for my best friend. We talked about it, she said she sees me as a younger sister, and that is more than enough for me. If anything, we are closer now that the truth is out there in the open. We, or at least I, try not to keep secrets from each other.

She left her husband today, and I am proud of her for doing so. This is a first step forward for her to find happiness. She’s recently started talking to this guy, in more than a friendly way, who approached her. She has to reject people somewhat often, as she is such an attractive person with a great personality. In short, she has a lot to offer and I am happy for her for that. I’m starting to resent that.

In contrast, I haven’t been approached by anyone in more than a decade. I knew that when I decided to come out and live my life as I truly am, that my dating pool would shrink considerably, smaller than it already seemed. I’ve shown interest in multiple men, but nothing ever came of it other than a few text messages, or nothing at all. I’m told that I’m so nice, so caring, etc, and that I’ll meet someone, someday. I don’t see it. Perhaps I come across as desperate? I suppose I am.

I do my best to care for myself, but do struggle with Bipolar 2 disorder at times. This is something I am actively working on, and hope to overcome or at least get to a manageable level with support and medicine. Due to humiliations suffered from a group of people whom I thought were friends, there are things I don’t wear/do anymore. It is what it is, I’ve gotten over it, but the damage was done.

I don’t show it, but I crave intimacy. The last time I was intimate with someone, in an emotional, non-sexual way was with my ex-wife, some 15 years ago. I just want someone to come home to. Someone that wants to know me, about my day, my hopes and dreams. That is my dream, which is really more of a nightmare anymore.

I used to beat myself up about this stuff, cry myself to sleep and at my worst, feel suicidal over it. That was years ago. I’ve since then tried to look at things logically. What I see with my eyes is that no one gives me the time of day. I’m never more than the gay/trans friend. No flirty comments, no glances, nothing more than what feels like the pity of friends. There’s someone out there for anyone. I press X to doubt.

My bestie tries to encourage me. She tells me that I will find someone, and that I need to be patient. That 37 is too young to give up on the dating world. The only attention I receive is from horny men who want to fuck me, then move on. I debase myself, on Grindr, in hopes that even just one of them wants to meet up more than once. They ghost me as soon as they get what want; that I’ve fulfilled their fetish fantasy and that is my worth. I truly see my worth now to be a disposable object of desire. I’m sure that I am not the only one. She hates to see me do this to myself, but it is the only way I know how to fulfill my sexual needs. I’m still human after all, I have urges and desires.

I stay home with my 17 year old all the time. He is everything to me, and I just want to be the best parent to him that I can be. I put my needs aside, for the most part, to be sure that he is loved and cared for. His mom has a new boyfriend/husband (I have no idea, I just know that they are together) and they have a 2 year old (Could be older or younger, again I have no idea). She has somewhat moved on with her new family, so I consider myself a single parent now. He sees her every other weekend, if that. He doesn’t have friends that he goes out with, so in a way we are all each other has got. He’ll blossom when he is ready, I know it will happen. The only time I’m not with his is every other weekend when I hangout with my best friend. She is the only person in my life that wants to hang out with me.

This is all to say that I don’t go out really. I don’t have the opportunity to meet very many new people outside of work, where there are several hundred people, and the random person my bestie and I come across. I know this limits my chances of meeting someone, but it is my life. I’d feel guilty leaving my son at home while I went out.

I don’t believe that I am attractive, at all. I pass somewhat, but have given up trying to doll myself up in hopes of receiving attention from someone, anyone. I’m a bit tomboyish, which probably contributes to my unattractiveness.

Over the years, I’ve tried to accept that I will never feel the love of a nice man. I’m not choosy, nor picky, and am willing to give anyone who gives me the time of day a chance. I have a type, but consider that more of a preference rather than a strict archetype of who I want. I’m willing to overlook just about anything, so long as the person cares or otherwise shows interest in me.

I don’t go to the bars, nor use dating apps, for fear of rejection or ridicule. I know I am limiting myself considerably, and am trying to overcome this.

This is quite long winded, I know. I don’t expect anyone to reply, let alone read this. I just want to post this in a place where others also talk to the void. If you did read all of this, thank you.

I’m trying to accept the reality that I will likely never find love. It’s really, really, hard. I’m so fucking lonely.

(i decided to post this on a throwaway)

I knew a lady. She was friends with my friends. she would talk to me sometimes and give mixed signals. She would be nice to me and then be a total dick.

She would say she liked me and wanted to be my friend but would be very rude and “curt” i guess is the word.

A few days ago, she invited me to her house. she pushed me onto her bed. She told me to take off my clothes.

She said she’d do it for me if i refused. I said no and she said my opinion didn’t matter because i had autism and was less than human.

She hit me and punched me multiple times. She tried to put her hands on my neck and i tried to push her off. She threw her body on me and tried to pin me down.

“Why do you care about me?” she asked. “There are so many people you could focus on, why me?? please be honest.”

I told her I cared about everyone and that i wanted friends, that i found people to be interesting. i told her if she wished, i’d never speak to her again.

She let go of me after a bit, and her mother called her to do something for her and i got all my stuff.

I left the damn house and RAN. She couldn’t do much because she was doing something for her mom so i could leave.

People call her a great lady. People say she loves me, that she’s amazing.

I can’t forgive her. She said i did nothing wrong and that i was just a “stupid little pup” for asking what possessed her to do that.

I truly hate her but my friend calls her a fantastic and even pretty woman. She told me if i ever told anyone, she would slit my throat.

It was Sept. 2005. Recovery after Hurricane Katrina. I was 18 years old in Mid Southern Mississippi. My grandfather had a work shop that collapsed and he had about $300K of metal working equipment in the shop. I spent many summers in that shop making S-locks and ducts for multiple buildings in the town and state

But when Katrina hit, we had to abandon the shop for survival. We were able to get back to it, but the building collapsed. All of his equipment (and bass boat) was under the wreckage. Anyone could get into it if they tried hard enough, so we posted nightly watches on the property and watch the collapsed shop. When we stood watch, we had a mossberg 30 alt 6 and a New England 12 gauge with buck shot.

There was one night where it was my turn. I was sitting on the porch of the house (half an acre away from the shop) and I hear wood breaking and rustling. I grab both rifles, but I have the shotgun on my shoulder.

I scream "Get off the property" while watching a guy try to pull a panel off the wall to get into the collapsed building. I fire the buckshot, even though I know it's not going to hit. I was just hoping it would scare them enough to run away, but they didn't. When they kept trying to dig into the mess, I dropped the shotgun and grabbed the rifle. I shouted for them to stop and leave one more time, but they continued ignoring. The rifle had a hunting scope so I aimed at what I could see as the most mass, and fired.

I heard a pained yelp and then a blood curtling screams and then "Oh my fucking god! Please, God! No!" He ran about half a football field and just crumpled over .. I stood there for hours just praying that the guy would just stand up and keep running, but no. He was dead and wasn't going anywhere. This was a shift after midnight, so I was getting to get a break until the sun came up. I stood there and watch this dead body until my brother came up and saw me standing there frozen. He snatched the rifle out of my hand and started screaming to get my attention and asked what happened. I stood frozen for what felt like hours until I eventually just told him "I shot him...".

National Guard had to come and pick the body up because it was Marshal Law at the time. I was even questioned nor looked at differently, but I killed a person that might have been ore desperate than me, and now that's a thing I have to live with

Back in 2019, I was broken up by my ex which pretty much destroyed me. Well, long story short...2 years later I met someone and against my best judgement we entered a relationship.

Today that relationship ended and, just like last time right before the 4 year mark. Except this time...it was pretty much mutual and while I did fight to the very end it was out of stubbornness. I was checked out for a while now. And while I do feel sad I didn't expected this huge relief.

You see, Patty was, deep down, a good person. That's why I took a chance with her and ended up together for almost 4 years. But from day one, she showed some serious SERIOUS emotional problems.

Patty had a temper. A really bad temper. Any kind of frustration or, god forbid, criticism was responded with evil eyes, silent treatment or outbursts. Communication was very difficult. It was really ridiculous. It did improve after the first year. But it was always a problem until our last fight that lead to the break-up. In the end, she herself faced the fact she was hurting me bad. I had developed major anxiety when I was with her and walked on egg shells constantly. By the end I developed stress migraines and even had some panic attacks when talking with her.

Patty was also the most negative person I know. Everything was awful for her. She hated Easter, she hated Christmas, she hated birthdays. She didn't like much to socialize and that caused my own social relations to deteriorate. Every time we talked she was complaining about something. Her parents, her coworkers, her school, everything. This was a woman that in the 4 years we dated went through 5 different jobs. All ended the same way. Everything was awful, everyone was out to get her and she eventually quit all of them. The last one she quit without an alternative and dedicated herself to school. Everything was awful, everything was bad. And when I was trying to be positive she would constantly drive my mood down. She didn't make a single effort. She was seeing a psychologist since before I met her. A year ago she told her she couldn't help her and she had to see a psychiatrist. She refused, she said she didn't like psychiatrists that they would only medicate her. I actually gave her an ultimatum which I eventually didn't follow, to my regret.

She had no hobbies and no interests. I tried to show her movies and shows and she did like a few. At home she watched...zero. Still, she was always complaining she was too stressed when all she did was revisiting the stuff from the job that day and didn't take a second for herself. Oh wait, she did. She liked to read. I actually showed her Orwell's 1984. She couldn't go past the first chapter. All she read was self-help books from questionable charlatans and acted like it was literature.

She did had her good things, of course. But I wonder if it was even worth it. I wasted 4 years on this out of my own stubbornness. I feel fine for now but I can feel the up and downs coming. As soon as I start to miss our routines and familiarity I will get very sad. But when I do all I have to do is remember the outbursts, the childish discussions that went nowhere and the constant negativity. Right now...I actually feel relief.

Hi. I’m a Christian Polish (and Dutch) man (20M) who’s been outright terrible for years. I, like other people I’ve known, have been rather traditional. Patriotic and bigoted, you know the type. However, there was one thing I always thought was wrong with me: I’m attracted to men.

I always kind of liked this one man, my friend Greg, platonically and eventually romantically, as much as I hated to admit it.

I really liked him since we started to talk when we were 15. I saw him as a guy I could rely on. Greg is smart, funny, sweet, amazing really. I clung to him. He was my best friend. In fact, he was the one who helped me discover I liked men.

I’m nothing compared to him and I never will be much.

I’ve tried getting close to Greg. I tell him how smart he is, he lies back that I’m as smart as he is. I told him we should live together one day.

But I have mental health issues. I push people away and don’t think I’m good enough to have them.

Quite recently, Greg has shown some interest in me. Of course, I didn’t like that and pushed him away. I bullied him and talked behind his back after finding out he moved on and had a girlfriend.

When he broke up with her, I decided to give it another try and started being nicer again and trying to get closer. I thought he was an asshole and decided to forget it when I found out he yet again got a NEW girlfriend. Regretfully, I was mean to him right before again and now he has someone. I’m destined to be alone and I deserve it because of my mental health.

I’ve shoved him, screamed at him, et cetera. You can react, give advice, ask questions, I don’t really mind.

What i mean with the title is: Mothers often feel as if they can't be successful themselves, due to their role as a mother. So, they try to make their child(ren) "successful" in their place. What that entails is a strict, hierarchical upbringing and a lot of "discipline" for the child(ren). As a direct consequence, the child(ren) have significantly reduced Quality Of Life, to the point of many committing suicide, and as such they are definitely a thing that can end lifes, or personal worlds (for the children). As such, they are clearly one of the "horsemen of the apocalypse".

I have a couple of them, but to be honest I'm not even sure if I like them more, or less, than rubber membrane keyboards. There's kind of a sharpness to the sounds they usually produce, almost a kind of plastic-on-plastic squeek, and I find that unpleasant. If I could afford it, or if they were affordable, I might give a Topre keyboard a try, but to be honest I really don't care enough about keyboards to worry about that.

The only reason I get mechanical keyboards is because those are often the only ones with n-key rollover. It's all about the games. It's wild to me that being able to press more than 3 keys simultaneously is still not standard in all keyboards, and it drives me crazy that the vast majority of built-in laptop keyboards have this problem.

Avert your eyes: