My mum spoke to me shortly after it was announced that he'd died and I kinda was like "okay, feel bad for this children who had to witness it, can't say I can sympathise with him though he was hardly a saint himself" and my mum was like "he spoke out against the woke people" over and over

I told her he literally said little kids dying in school shootings is worth it so people can have guns. he said empathy doesn't exist and he doesn't have empathy for kids being killed. He ridiculed disabled people in his circles. That he advocated for the genocide in Gaza by supporting Israel's actions.

Then she was like "no no no you got it all wrong he was giving a speech when someone asked him if more people die from gang shootings or school shootings, then he was shot" even though the thing I was talking about was from 2023. He's a man in a position of power and authority and influence over others, it's a bit different from "just having a different opinion".

She ended up getting pissed off at me and blanking me after that but I don't care. I guess me caring more about kids dying than guns makes me officially "woke" now but so be it. I'll stand by the fact I can't find anything redeemable about this man or any reason to sympathise with him

maybe not exactly, but there was this one girl that bullied me for my various conditions, including my autism, and called me multiple slurs. she bullied and "abused" me every day. one time, she got mad because i couldn't pass a volleyball to her that went over my head. she told me i was bad at volleyball, that my only existence was to suck, and told me to stand still. she then proceeded to violently try to throw the ball at my head and body multiple times, each time failing or me dodging.

it honestly grosses me out and pisses me off, i’ve been severely bullied for my disorders. that’s it, just wanted to rant for a bit.

I don’t know how to feel. I mean, I just wanted to talk about it but I don’t speak to her anymore. She was a Trump supporter too, which I found out right before she stopped talking to me. She laughed at me for not agreeing with Trump AT ALL.

there, i said it.

it sounds mean to say, but going off of what "dave" has told me, i really don't like how his dad sounds. his dad is very homophobic and transphobic.

there was one incident when we were 17 where dave's dad had to sign a form and it said "gender:" with the options "male", "female", and "non-binary". he freaked out.

he also forbade us to hang out at a youth center because he saw two teenage girls hugging and assumed they were in a lesbian relationship.

he got mad at dave for saying hi to a girl from his school because she had bright pink hair and he assumed she was a lesbian because of the hair (apparently, he guessed right but still.)

in fifth grade, i remember dave had a crush on me and he told dave not to associate with me because i was "ugly" and "he could find better friends".

i wonder how he would feel about ME, his son's best friend, if he ever found out i was a lesbian/bi. he already doesn't like me and thinks i'm in love with dave, he's gonna hate me a lot more when he finds out i'm in a wlw relationship.

whenever dave's dad sees me, though, he has the nerve to say hi and smile.

just wanted to share this.

So, I have a younger sister (14F, Freshman) "Liz". Liz used to go to group therapy with this one dude, (16FtM, Sophomore) "Asher". She actually used to date him for like a week until Asher broke up with her because he already had a boyfriend. So yeah, I don't see him as a good influence.

He keeps wanting to have Liz sleep over at his house, which my parents would allow since he was "born a girl" and they let anyone who can't get my sisters pregnant (for some reason) have sleepovers. Anyway, Asher keeps trying to offer Liz weed and whiskey/vodka. Of course, she's curious, but I really don't like how Asher seems to be and I don't know if I should set something up with our parents to not have her come over to Asher's. Or should I let her experiment and try it and not say anything despite how I feel?

I know no one can tell me my identity, that's for me to decide. But I've been thinking long and hard about whether or not I'm bi, even pan, or just a straight girl who wants to be an ally to LGBTQ+ people. Heck, this may even be a "rhetorical question" and I already know the answer and just wanted to talk about it.

First off, I'm trying to get better at this, but I don't really understand homosexuality. And what I mean is more like it doesn't sit right with me. Something is wrong with my brain where two women kissing especially, grosses me out a little and just feels unnatural and weird. I feel homophobic like this, though, so I'm trying to get better at it. I'm completely fine around gay people, supporting them, and people coming out to me, but something about me being in the vicinity of women doing romantic stuff makes me feel weird or having to hear about girls on a date. With men, however, the gender I find attractive, I do not feel weirded out about them going on dates, holding hands, kissing, and the like.

I genuinely can't imagine being with a woman. Like, I can imagine us being "girlfriends" but I guess I'd only really want to be friends because I never find any women romantically nor sexually attractive nor would I feel like ever kissing a woman/holding hands or anything like that. The only thing I can tolerate with a woman is going on dates, which I could easily do when I hang out with friends.

But with men... I find men physically and romantically attractive. I easily find men attractive. Men kissing doesn't bother me and I find it awesome even. I would like to kiss a man, go out with a man, hold hands, have a family and kids with a man.

But I thought women were pretty, so that made me bisexual and I would get a little warm feeling around them, but I realized I don't wanna actually kiss or hold hands with them nor do I easily find them attractive.

And let me tell you, though I find women pretty, such as celebrities, it's been so long since I actually had romantic feelings for a girl, or feelings I can consider to be such. I've liked guys for as long as I can remember and currently like a guy I know via a friend.

Why the fuck shouldn’t I kill my self?

Seriously, give me a fucking reason.

Idk can someone help me find a teaching job in the north. They won’t call back because my address isn’t there. I applied to hundreds of Chicago and Montana and other place jobs

I’m certified to teach every core high school subject. Every single one. Math, English, history and science. Test me on any of them if you don’t believe me. I’m best at science and math but I’ll do anything anywhere

here’s a kofi I guess

Edit: I’m really touched and honored by the fact that people have sent me money. I don’t know how to be grateful enough. I feel a little bit more hopeful about the world, I’m reeling from the fact that people wanted to help. Thank you.

We were together for over for 4 years and broke up over 5 years ago. I went no contact, renewed old friendships, started new hobbies, picked up sports. I was sure I'm a model fucking example of dealing with this. For the last 2 years I barely even remembered her existence.

Our common friend had a birthday a month ago. She invited both of us after making sure we are both ok with this. This was our first contact since breakup. We talked a bit, it was quite nice, nothing crazy.

Last week she texts me that she will be visiting my city and asks if I want to meet her after she's done with her errands. Last time went ok so I agree. We talk for 3 hours, a bit about everyday life, a bit about our past together. We talk about how cool it is to have contact again, maybe we can do some stuff together - as friends of course.

It took me a few hours after this to realize that I'm replaying the meeting in my head, smiling to myself and feel butterflies in my stomach. I'm in love again. I didn't even notice when it happened. 3 fucking hours set me back years of work.

Edit: Stand Down, the event has ended, and we've returned to DEFCON 4. Your support was felt in spirit, if not in the flesh, and your service is appreciated.

There is of course a "no politics" rule, which means they get to "accidentally" drop little comments then titter in apology, but no one gets to reply.

And the last thing I'm going to do is make a scene at my wife's family's house with my wife's family on my wife's birthday.

So here I sit, stewing, and I don't even have access to anything intoxicating.

Please send a few hours of amnesia and something cold to drink. And earplugs? How about a national emergency requiring us to leave the premises?

Was wondering through a shop today and found Gulf of America hats...whatever, queue eye roll. Then I saw an Alligator Alcatraz hat, proceeded to knock it off the rack and stomp on it a bunch. Then knocked half the Gulf of America hats off the rack now that I realize this shop owner is a piece of shit. (Im in a vacationy souvenir shop)

I think nothing of it, figures the employees will pick up the hats and put them back on the rack..

About an hour later a police officer walks up to me in a nearby restaurant and says he needs to speak to me. Turns out the guy was went back and watched the security footage to ID me...the cop says the guy wants to prosecute me if I dont pay for the hat.

I get down to the shop (its a 14 dollar hat btws) and the guy acts like it was a Gulf of America hat I damaged (obviously trying to misrepresent the situation).

Im now not allowed in that shop for a year, as if I'd ever go shopping back there.

I explained to a friend what happened a while after it happened, after having a not great conversation about it with my inlaws who think "the guy is allowed to sell whatever he wants"

After I tell my friend what happened, he says its the coolest thing I've ever done. I really needed to hear that after having a shitty conversation with my in-laws about how they think what I did was stupid.

Anyway, made me feel much better because the shop owner is a piece of crap, and is trying to profit off other people's misery, and I will never support that.

I've been watching videos related to the GTA series. Obviously, a video game series where violence, sex, and drugs are major themes. But YouTubers won't say words like "kill", "die", "murder", "sex", "dildo", "cocaine", "cannabis" etc etc.

They either use euphemisms or just show the thing on the screen without saying what it actually is. A dildo is a "plastic eggplant" and killing someone is "unaliving" them. Cocaine is "white powder".

I'm aware it's related to the algorithm and demonetisation. But I'm so sick of sanitised internet. A video about a game for adults is presented like it's for children or teens.

I have to go to a medical office at a hospital for some tests today. Not only does an ostensibly non-profit entity that makes an obscene amount of money from people who are sick or injured have the gall to charge for parking, but they have switched from the method of getting a ticket and paying later to an app that collects your data. I’m so fucking sick of every moment in life being monetized.

I was subsequently gifted a WHOLE SWEATER. Huzzah! How lovely to be appreciated and remunerated at the highest level.

I was reading a post about aliens and almost half of the comments were just millennials saying "haha i want to die anyway so hurry up", it's not even depressing or funny because It's just so overdone on every platform.

I get that things aren't great at the moment, but it just makes us look weak as a generation IMO, I know it's meant to be a joke, but it wasn't funny 10 years ago.

this is the first year my friends and mother neglected to get me a gift or anything of value. usually, i'd be given some money or something useful. occasionally, a friend would buy me a Steam game off my Wishlist. i had never come to expect this and told those buying me things that it was unnecessary and that i loved them regardless. my friends have supported me in many ways throughout my life. i truly owe them a lot and would never ask for more or hold this behavior to them every year.

however, i guess part of me came to appreciate their repeated kindness on my birthday over the years, because as the evening of my birthday approached i noticed other than a "happy birthday" or two i hadn't received much attention at all. nobody gave anything.

damn. huh. well, we're all in difficult spots financially. ..but one of my friends is literally in his best paying job ever and has a decent savings account. i shouldn't read into it. even if the reason was simply "eh i just didn't want to," i am okay with that of course, but it does sting a little. it makes me feel old and dehumanized. i am 36. who cares about the feelings of a 36 year old? who gets a gift for a 36 year old? who celebrates a 36th birthday?

i'm having a bit of existential dread, i think.

I've been abused and bullied for years even as a child/young teenager, and my friend told me it was my fault and that if I wasn't such a subhuman waste of space, I wouldn't be abused and then believed all the lies her friends made about me. She then "forgave" me (IDK what I did wrong, I may have, though) but what she said still hurts. Is it a person's fault for being abused?

She brought her oldest daughter (22) with her. Her daughter had surprised visited her and I guess she didn’t want to tell either of us no to tonight. Her kid was pretty cool, and apparently gave me a glowing review by calling me “a walking green flag”. 🤣

She paid for dinner, which was unexpected. I knew I should’ve gone for the lobster. 😏 To be fair, I paid for drinks.

After dinner, and after her daughter went back home, we sat outside and talked for a couple of hours. We eventually decided to go back inside to get drinks, and she ran into a friend of hers at the bar. So we three spent the rest of the night talking and shooting the shit; we all shared our “war stories” from our marriages and raising our kids as single parents, and I got some good insights about women that I didn’t know I needed, and I found out that I’m a pretty boring guy. 😝

We walked her friend to her car, and my date and I sat on the tailgate of my truck and just talked until 3; then I drove her home.

What made it super interesting is that she flat out said that she feels she would have nothing to bring to a relationship, and that if anything she wants to be friends. But as the night went on, she also kept touching me (non-sexual) over and over, and even leaning against me at one point. When I dropped her off, she even said how she wanted to do this again soon.

Make no mistake, I did not feel any mixed signals. I believe her when she said she wants to be friends, and I’m okay with that. But I also had a good time, and enjoyed how unconventional everything was. It made the evening more pleasant because I didn’t have to stress about this or that; I just went with the flow and was myself. No preening or posturing. Just two single adults getting to know each other, and maybe becoming friends.

I made 2 separate posts into 2 relatively dead communities, and despite getting a decent amount of traction (relative), the first 2 comments in each were 100% negative towards the content.
None of the commenters had ever posted content to the respective communities.

Content deleted: c'ya!

I blocked my toxic friend group! I wasn't speaking to them already, but I finally got the courage to leave every group chat and block them!!!

I know most of you are probably tired of therapy-speak by this point... Sorry.

Since late 2023 my life has been in a rock bottom. I am completely burned out . Have been feeling depressed in a while, initially I kinda ignored it because I thought I can heal eventually and additionally no one--not a single soul--close to me in my life is trustworthy enough to hear about my depression. I always had a feeling that my mother doesn't even understand depression. Heck this made me denial of my depression, I just set it aside, swallow it inside me, pretend that it doesn't exist in the first place, when in reality it is a ticking time bomb.

Looking back, since I was little, I always had that feeling of not feeling comfortable living with my family. I felt that I'd rather be disappear forever than with this family. I always wondered what made me feel this way.

Other than that, I was also a sensitive child. I cry easily. A crybaby, they always call me.

My brother also bullied me too. But somehow my parents never cared. They always told me to "be stronger". Whatever that means. I feel humiliated. I feel weak. Be stronger? That word never meant anything to me. No matter how hard I try to be "stronger", I can not. He always find ways to take advantage of me. He never cared about me.

Eventually I learn about the concept of suicide. At that moment, too, that feeling of wanting to disappear turned into a suicidal thoughts. This was pretty early in my life too, probably around eight years old.

But I ignore those feelings, because, if I told my parent, will she believe me? Assuming she believes it, how will she handle it? Will she blame me? So I never told anyone about this feeling. I bury it deep inside me. Pretended it never existed, because, I thought, my feeling never mattered anyway.

Fast forward. My father passed away. Thankfully I was able to grief in a healthy way. But the effect is clearly still with me now: no one is able to make money for the family, except my mother. So my mother got a job. At the same time, we also lived with my late Dad's mother.

Sadly, she was not a good grandmother to me. She has high blood pressure and seldomly gets mad for unknown reason. This affected me very negatively. This also affected my mother quite badly--she always scared of making her angry. As a result everytime I did something wrong no matter how small it is, I always gets scolded. And sometimes the grandma gets angry too. What my mother don't realize was this affected me very negatively. She at least is an adult. Me? I was only a child. I don't know a single thing.

If that's not bad enough, my mother was also overprotective. I rarely gets to go outside. I rarely gets to hang out with my friends. I'm pretty much inside my home rotting. That was my childhood.

This was the biggest loss to me. I always felt that my teenagehood was robbed away from me. And as a result, I became an anxious kid.

Fast forward to now, I'm a burned out early 20s adult. I'm supposed to be an adult but I feel like I still don't know how to live like an adult.

The only thing I'm really good at is programming. As a form of escape to my depressive years, I tried to contribute some codes, one of them was recently back in December 2024. I made my first pull request into PieFed's code. Shout out to Rimu for being a friendly project owner and also for making a healthy fediverse ecosystem.

I could go on but I think I've typed long enough. Thanks for reading.

I live in a poorer country where I live with less than 10k a year. It's low but since my country is generally less expensive I can live (and vacation) there with some comfort as long as I don't go crazy. I'm a frugal person so I don't miss out on anything.

My sister and brother-in-law went to live in Europe and they are doing very well. Together they easily make 200k. I'm happy for them.

The problem starts when I visit. The country they live in is far more expensive than mine. It isn't always a problem since I don't have to pay for accommodation and cooking at home is sustainable. The problem is they always want to eat out and do expensive activities (for my standards). And they always leave out the price until it's time to pay since the price is meaningless for them. At first they would chip in until my brother-in-law started pulling "it's your turn to pay now". Imagine being given a dinner tab that is almost as much as your monthly paycheck.

Visiting has become stressing as hell, when I should be relaxing. I tried to talk about it, that eating at home would be more affordable for me, but they quickly go back to old habits. At this point I just decided it's not worth it to visit anymore and blow my year savings in a few days. They're not happy and, as much as I try, I can't make them understand how much money I make. They can't understand you can't buy 100 euro meals everyday when you earn less than a 200 a week.

It's also not much better when they visit our country but at least I know what prices to expect and since I'm home I can find an excuse to ditch them.

Maybe we have just grown appart and that's that.

edit: don't downvote me because i'm right and you're mad about it

there has never been a country in the history of imperialism that has been defeated by the people it subjugated. the system might be beaten back, hell, it might take on a new name and identity, but underneath the disguise it is still the same power hungry entity seeking wealth and will eventually be strong enough to strike back. regimes fall yet greed persists. fascist dictators are killed yet the elite press forward. but the people cannot give up. the people must fight against it all even in the face of complete and utter annihilation. it doesn't matter if the enemy has more weaponry or manpower than us--we don't let them take us without bleeding for it.

well, at least that's how i spent the last 21 years of life; holding on to that mentality because i knew it was right and i knew it was the only way to liberate people. when Trump was first elected it shattered me. i broke into a million pieces psychologically. i have since glued parts of myself back together but the reelection (it was actually stolen but w/e lol) has utterly destroyed me, and it isn't because Trump is winning or his army of sycophants are making the world a worse place:

it's the gaslighting and cowardice of the American people. people who i consider close friends have told me that i am "too much" lately, that i am too much of a "doomer," that everyone feels helpless so why hammer on about it. my friends and the people i respect are turning against me because i am pointing out the acts of the current administration. and you know what? they aren't outliers. everyone wants leftists to shut the fuck up about it. fascism is here, it has won, it's over. please shut the fuck up and let me exist in relative peace.

i get it. look at Russia, look at Indonesia. these countries are likely never going to overthrow the culture and rightwing ideology rampant and normalized in their society and they don't have militarized police like we do. there's truly nothing we can do other than protest, which.. lol.. that right is being severely restricted, so. good luck eventually, i guess. peace hasn't been an option for a long, long time but nobody is willing to accept that fact, so i don't see how this ends other than the people losing.

i'm done. i give up. i am not going to be the only one around me with any fucking sense. the painful reality is i am a goddamn coward like the rest of them and can't do shit either. but i don't act like that's okay. i don't fucking roll over and accept this shit and just shut up about it. but everyone wants me to, so.. alright. it isn't just my friends either it feels like the entire country.

everybody thinks this will eventually end. everybody is so certain life will stabilize and return to a level of normalcy. "we got through Bush, we can do this," i am told. they don't get it, they don't see it, and i am exhausted being the only fucking person who does. i'm done. i am plugging my ears and covering my eyes like everyone else.

I want to be dating a guy, and for him to randomly show up at my door with flowers. Maybe some nice chocolates too but really just to show up one day, knock at my door and offer me a bouquet of flowers. Perhaps carefully chosen to show that he’s listened to me, but even just a random allotment of roses that he got from Walmart.

Edit: I’m a gay dude btw

(I couldn't go to thelemmy.club for some reason nor could I access it on Photon or whatever, so I made an account here, i am @nonBInary.)

I hate to complain again, but I just wanted to say, why are people on social media in general so rude? (This did not happen on Lemmy or the Fediverse, by the way).

Like seriously, I was ranting about being abused and harmed and stuff and I wrote an angry letter about how I was treated badly for being different and Person A was just talking about how I should go fuck myself and how I was lying and should die or something like that.

I said "Ok, troll," to A and this other person, B, said that A had a point because I "refused to take accountability for my actions" and that it was my fault I was being treated badly and that maybe I deserved it, yada yada yada.

And then A was talking about how I was a stupid bitch for complaining about it on Unsent Letters instead of talking it out, when 1, I was blocked, 2, I don't have to apologize or explain anything to someone who stalked and threatened me. 3, Unsent Letters is for writing your feelings towards people in a letter you'll never send, is it not? Yet I got downvoted a bunch and told all this stuff and how I was bad and "just because I was autistic didn't mean anything and it was still my fault and I need to take accountability".

Literally, all I did was ask for simple boundaries like "do you like hugs"? And one time I tried to be friends with C IRL and approach her. All I said was "Hi". D, the girl who stalked and harassed me, accused me of eavesdropping and called me a creepy stalker who deserved to die all because I dared say hi to C. She also said that I was a threat and I should never speak to her or C or her friends "or else" and she was gonna "do whatever it took to get rid of me and make sure I was gone", which I may or may not take as a death threat(?) (I'm not sure).

Seriously, how do I deserve all that even if I did something wrong I wasn't aware of?