1
157
Anon shoots for two (sh.itjust.works)
2
998
3
391
4
355
Anon breaks up (sh.itjust.works)
5
512
Anon has learned enough (sh.itjust.works)
6
681
Anon does the shopping (sh.itjust.works)
7
1142
Anon is Illiterate (retrolemmy.com)
8
791
Anon is rude at work (sh.itjust.works)
9
284
can't unsee it (cdn.imgchest.com)
10
543
Anon wants robux (sh.itjust.works)
11
856
12
220
Envy (lemmy.world)
13
181
Anon has nothing to do (sh.itjust.works)
14
360
15
183
Anon daydreams (sh.itjust.works)
16
355
Anon is off the quest (sh.itjust.works)
17
198
Anon cheers up his dad (sh.itjust.works)
18
103
19
713
20
443
Anon is not satisfied (files.catbox.moe)
21
400
22
157
submitted 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) by imblue@feddit.org to c/greentext@sh.itjust.works

Be in simunitions course

Am asked to play badguy

I'm in the room with my instructor. He motions me over and says "Make em' work for it."

"What exactly do you mean sir?"

"Pretend you drank a gallon of PCP, k?"

"O-ok"

"Act crazy enough to make them focus on you, that way your buddies can give a nice coat of paint, got it?"

"Yessir"

Immediately start having /k/ related ideas pop into my head

Team of two burst into the room I'm hiding in.

I'm behind a giant box shaped like a cube in the center of a room filled with storage-type supplies

They are yelling at me to come out

stay hidden

as the come near my box I worm my way around to the other side of it, in the dark to stay hidden

They finally catch a glimpse of my left leg and start yelling at me to come out, hands up.

So... I do /k/ proud.

I hop up on the box in SpiderMan pose and scream "IT'S YOUR MOVE MR. LAW MAN!"

He starts laughing while trying to give me commands

His teammate who I recognize as our most worthless, out of shape, fat female officer is not laughing and still shrieking at me.

I look at the guy and say "WHAT'S SHE GONNA DO? PUT HER FUPA OVER MY MOUTH AGAIN?!?!?!" (completely different but disgusting story)

The guy knows what I'm talking about and starts laughing. Loses his compusure and lets his guard down.

I the hear my two Badguybros start to come out from their hiding spots

Lady officer fires wildly at me (me, the unarmed obvious decoy)

misses me enough times that I have time to jump on her like a Facehugger from Alien.

Dude Officer is still laughing but takes out the other bad guys

Our instructor is standing behind the glass wall and losing his shit

I'm basically face fucking the female officer through her face mask

I have taken her gun from her and am yelling, if I remember correctly "I USED TO RIDE BULLS AND SLAY DRAGONS YOU DON'T SCARE MEEEE!!!!"

Finally the guy officer reloads (he took his time) and pops me 7 time in the ass

23
580
Anon is special (lemmy.world)
24
430
Anon has standards (sh.itjust.works)
25
561
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