roll call

@SeventyTwoTrillion@hexbear.net

@Mokey2@hexbear.net

@FumpyAer@hexbear.net

@odmroz@hexbear.net

@Ufot@hexbear.net

@RonPaulyShore@hexbear.net

@Rojo27@hexbear.net

@Grebgreb@hexbear.net

@CommunistBear@hexbear.net

@TraschcanOfIdeology@hexbear.net

@LGOrcStreetSamurai@hexbear.net

@quarrk@hexbear.net

@vehicom@lemmygrad.ml

@Aradina@lemmy.ml

@Tomorrow_Farewell@hexbear.net

@LanyrdSkynrd@hexbear.net

@LocalOaf@hexbear.net

@Wmill@hexbear.net

@Cammy@hexbear.net

@bazingabrain2@hexbear.net

@DragonBallZinn@hexbear.net

@orshelack@hexbear.net

@kittin@hexbear.net

@MoonElf@hexbear.net

@SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net

@anarchoilluminati@hexbear.net

@Mog_Pharou@hexbear.net

@Moss@hexbear.net

@Hohsia@hexbear.net

@NewOldGuard@hexbear.net

@Xenomorph@hexbear.net

@sunshinesoul@hexbear.net

@EstraDoll@hexbear.net

If anybody else wants to be added to the roll call, just let me know

Ws

• operation “be social” has been successful and actually I think I have to dial it back a bit and rest some more
• going into week 3 of not vaping
• 1 week without weed

Ls & Improves

• I didn’t hydrate properly and can feel it
• Diet could be better. More home cooked plant meals

Goals

• See an art show

little over a month sober now

lost a considerable deal of weight, nearly down enough to cycle back up

still kind of road blocked on the whole "obtain t girl surgeries" thing

pretty good all things considered

day... idk? almost 40 of not drinking

i was hoping this would be easier at this point, and it is to an extent, but damn, the cravings never really seem to go away

i'm tired, so very tired, but i cannot give in

ok this week was alright

I see my doctors appointment is for the 12 actually so I got another weak to prepare my health and I look forward to being weighed in. One day I'll get a good scale but if I have access to a doctor I might as well take advantage right now while I'm not working.

Job hunt grind has been horrendous. Just doing gig work and selling nonessential stuff online to keep the rent paid while I wait it out but I figured it would be a month or two before I got a steady income, not 6 months of radio silence. In the good news I’ve optimized my resume with help from my university’s alumni center and automated job applications with some extensions that autofill my info, so by sheer numbers I think I’ll get something soon.

I’ve been doing daily breathwork to help with anxiety and I can say that it’s a lovely experience. There’s a lot of pseudoscience and stuff around it but when you ignore the marketing and hype it can be a helpful way to meditate and be mindful. It helps me feel calmer and more composed at least. This plus regular exercise and time outside make my social anxiety fade into the background, for which I’m grateful.

Finally got back into reading after a lull in April. I downloaded all the books on my reading list so they’re immediately accessible, and that reduced the friction enough to make it habitual. Currently reading some Hemingway, studying Pedagogy of the Oppressed, and enjoying the fifth issue of Peace, Land, and Bread which came out recently. If yall take nothing else from my comment here read PLB from Iskra books, it’s excellent

I have some Ws to post!

• BENCHED 225 lbs! VICTORY!

• I have four interviews coming up. I’m going to be employed soon, I just know it!

• Two whole months where I have never touched alcohol. Never had a problem with it, but I want to limit it.

• Spent most of this weekend touching grass, I even had small talk with strangers

• ran into someone from college. No guarantee they’ll call me back but I gave them my number and we shot the shit for a few minutes

• I feel like I have made some epiphanies and I’ll share them in my new goals.

New goals:

• I have realized I have been not the best friend, not that I think it’s malice but I am piss poor at reaching out to people, especially long distance friends. So I want to work up the courage to reach out to people more

• I want to make progress in learning skills to live alongside my autism. Especially if the possibility of living away from my parents might be a possibility.

• I want some hobbies. Recently in my grass touching adventures I’ve been in the vicinity of a gay venue and realized y’all are nerds (and nerds are very much my people.) Specifically, I’d like to get started in learning some art form, whether it be drawing, music, 3d modeling in blender, or animation, I’d love to make some silly little trinkets and possibly be a producer of culture and not just a consumer.

I was traveling last week but I'm back and fully online.

My big plan for May is make every day this month a game development day. Just 1 hour a day of directly game development related work. Drawing levels, writing code, drawing, whatever. Just one hour a day for the month of may.

Plans for next week are to spend more time in the library and out of my house. to remove myself from distractions like my comics and video games and movies. Just really myself no other option other than being productive toward my stupid little dreams.

Fitness as always is the priority, i scored a kettlebell from my a local for $20. Gonna become a kettlebell guy and make that my whole thing for a while.

Other stuff

I'm doing a lot of fitness focus this week. I'm going to convention and I'll see a woman whom hasn't seen in in a while, I plan on being as hot as possible.

Been grinding leetcode and re-reading the coding interview book. Not exactly sexy stuff but it's really insightful and while the interview game has changed since its publication much of the interview process is based off books like that.

Helped a friend move. That was good, we had many laughs and a hugs. He and his lady are moving to Northeast to be with the soon to be in-laws. Lost my D&D buddy but he's happy and i'm happy for him.

Week almost up, didn't gym but I did focus on my fasting regiment. I think if I could lose enough weight that I can bench press my body weight the I'll be happy. The most I ever benched was 250 so I guess that'll be my goal. Tomorrow I'll do my doctor's appointment and I'll see how close I am to that.

So far this week is going well, I practiced meditation on all 3 days, went jogging twice and made 11 vegan burritos to freeze

I made yummy food but can't eat yet since my window for today not open yet this fasting stuff annoying but been seeing lots of progress. It's easy for the time to go by as I distract myself with my projects

Gonna try getting back on the wagon this week and quit vaping. Still doing well on not drinking as much coffee as I used too. Down from 8 cups to 6, going to see how 4-5 work out for me and probably stick with that. Another thing I struggled with, watching too much porn, I got under control too. I now only consume it 3 times a week to...well...get off. I'm working on that too, eventually getting to the point where I don't need it anymore or just once a week.

One thing I've noticed about quitting things that I should have picked up in rehab but didn't, was taking things one day at a time and being grateful for the little things.

I finally got writing again today. Two things to note: I am very bad at writing. Like this is not me being humble, I just don't write much and recognise that my writing is not very good. I struggle to make dialogue seem natural and strike the right balance of exposition, character work, and moving the plot forward. Second thing to note: I am having a lot of fun!