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WASHINGTON—In a move that significantly restricts the eligibility of thousands of American troops to fight for their country on the front lines, senior U.S. military officials announced Wednesday that all men with girl names would now be forbidden from serving in combat roles.

The ban, which goes into effect immediately, prohibits male personnel with clearly feminine names like Jamie, Sandy, and Alexis from serving in all artillery, infantry, and armored units. According to a Defense Department memo, the military is less effective as a fighting force when it deploys men named Francis, Sloan, Carol, or Loren in active conflict zones.

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[-] m3t00@midwest.social 1 points 1 hour ago

always been last name or shithead. 🤷‍♂️

[-] dream_weasel@sh.itjust.works 5 points 3 hours ago

Sorry Stacy, pack your shit!

[-] oppy1984@lemm.ee 1 points 2 hours ago

Jody your out. Now here's your separation documents and a list of the home addresses of all your battle buddies so you can keep in touch. Dismissed!

[-] Pnut@lemm.ee 5 points 7 hours ago

"what kind of name is Lindsey for a man? Ash! Get this pansy out of here."

[-] MonkderVierte@lemmy.ml 17 points 10 hours ago
[-] SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 4 hours ago* (last edited 4 hours ago)

Same. It's just too real.

[-] Anomalocaris@lemm.ee 6 points 8 hours ago

hate how possible onion articles are nowadays.

[-] Bloomcole@lemmy.world 3 points 8 hours ago

male personnel with feminine names can also cowardly bomb brown children from a safe distance.

[-] Derpenheim@lemmy.zip 88 points 1 day ago

You got me. It's just so plausible at this point, I ate it.

[-] Cpo@lemm.ee 3 points 4 hours ago

I know, right? If it's insane, it might actually come from El Trump.

Remember ths time a persident could be impeached for having his c0ck sucked by an intern.

[-] Didros@beehaw.org 1 points 2 hours ago

I mean, Trump has been impeached and just like with Clinton, it doesn't matter.

[-] FunkyStuff@hexbear.net 9 points 1 day ago
[-] HowAbt2morrow@futurology.today 12 points 23 hours ago

As if joining a men’s only organization - sleep with, shower with, eat every meal with, roll around in the mud with - isn’t the gayest shit ever. Shut it all down and settle your disputes the good old fashion pissing contest way; whoever holds 2L of beer the longest.

[-] ShaggySnacks@lemmy.myserv.one 1 points 2 hours ago

It’s not gay, if you say no homo.

[-] HowAbt2morrow@futurology.today 1 points 1 hour ago

Replace Semper Fi with No Homo and you’ve got a deal.

[-] Derpenheim@lemmy.zip 2 points 1 day ago
[-] Zenith@lemm.ee 18 points 21 hours ago

So… if I want my son to be spared from the draft all I have to do is give him a traditionally masculine name like Kelly, Courtney or Ashley?

[-] RedSnt@feddit.dk 5 points 11 hours ago* (last edited 11 hours ago)

if I want my son to be spared from the draft

Or Donald Trump.

[-] miss_demeanour@lemmy.dbzer0.com 48 points 1 day ago

Sponsored by Lindsey Graham.

[-] someguy3@lemmy.world 9 points 22 hours ago

What you expect him to go by a different name? The teacher will have to report this to the parents.

[-] Dadifer@lemmy.world 25 points 1 day ago

I ate it. It tasted like... fascism.

[-] ininewcrow@lemmy.ca 19 points 1 day ago

Well, my daddy left home when I was three
Didn't leave very much to my mom and me
Except this old guitar and an empty bottle of booze
Now I don't blame him 'cause he run and hid
But the meanest thing that my daddy ever did
Was before he left, he went and named me Sue

[-] ToastedRavioli@midwest.social 16 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Whats hilarious about this is that senior commanders would be more likely to have “girls” names considering names tend to flip back and forth gender-wise. Any young Lindsay you meet today will likely be a girl, meanwhile you have old dudes like Lindsay Graham in the senate

Leslie is another one

[-] dontpanic@lemmy.blahaj.zone 8 points 22 hours ago

Mitch McConnell’s actual first name is Addison.

[-] WizardofFrobozz@lemmy.ca 4 points 8 hours ago

J.D. Vance’s first name is Jethica

[-] Hobbes_Dent@lemmy.world 3 points 19 hours ago

Are you the guys on the beach who hate everything?

[-] throwawayacc0430@sh.itjust.works 5 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Brb, changing my name to I can avoid getting drafted

(Kinda wished this was real, that'd be an epic uno-reverse)

[-] FunkyStuff@hexbear.net 7 points 1 day ago
[-] MisterOwl@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

There's gotta be a Jody joke in there somewhere

[-] HappySkullsplitter@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago

We're looking at you Terry

[-] small44@sopuli.xyz 1 points 19 hours ago

They can come to canada to serve

this post was submitted on 17 May 2025
360 points (98.6% liked)

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