I was always told asking makes you seem entitled and you should do the work without complaint. Now I believe that yeah I am entitled to something. Still don’t say though and just grumble under my breath

About 10 years ago, when I realized that automating my job just means I get more work (when I share my automations). Now a days, I still share some of my automations, but I wrote and hoard scripts to make me look good (and also lets me write more scripts since it takes probably about as long as my mid-level coworkers).

Upside is I can look like an absolute wizard when I want to.

30ish. Working for a company that wouldn't let me move to their QA department because they "needed me more where I was" even though the manager of QA wanted me. The QA department didn't have anyone that knew how my department worked so they had never done any QA checks on us. Would have been a pay bump and no after hours support rotation. I got another job and they asked what they could do to avoid my leaving, and I said if they had done it then I wouldn't be leaving.

I’m not nice for someone else, I’m nice for myself. I like being nice to people, it makes me feel good, and that’s why I do it.

I’ve got a parent who’s incredibly selfish, narcissistic and evil. After processing the years of trauma he’s inflicted, I’ve realized all I want to be is a nice and genuine person. I want people to experience warmth and happiness, cause a life without it is not worth it.

32. I was working 80-100 hour weeks and they refused to give me a raise or promote me.

When I was about ten. Washed my uncle's Corvette without negotiating a price. I finished and the fucker didn't pay because "I didn't set a price before I started" or something to that effect. 10. Years. Old. I'm now almost 60 and still haven't forgot that. Hopefully I haven't turned into the ass he can be

40s. Very naive. Thought businesses cared about their employees. Now i realize they need little excuse snd milk the workers and never take a loss in favor of employees. Losses or lack of leadership ends up with golden parachutes and raising prices. Honesty is out the window in the world we live in today.

Coming in from a European perspective. During my first real job, I wanted to impress my supervisor. I was working some overtime (much less than I did as a student). My supervisor started passing by my office between 4pm and 5pm, letting me know it was time to go home, there was no need to overdo it. He was great… often telling me how I was exceeding expectations, and that was great as long as I was keeping a good work life balance.

Socialised protections are amazing… I still work overtime at times, but only when I feel like it (and I still never report it), I only taken on the amount of work I feel I can reasonably do. I strive for efficiency, not overburdening myself.

Still be really nice. It’s usually not too much effort, but is always appreciated, especially by those who need that niceness the most.

Um, I began falling apart about 11 years ago, but it got really bad over the past few years. I can specifically remember being in therapy over the holidays and coming to this exact realization. Like, I knew it before that, but that was the day that I, like, really felt it. I'm in my early forties.

I was really fortunate to be raised by parents who knew that was bullshit brainwash propaganda. Thanks mom and dad! You aren't perfect but hey nobody is. Love you both!

About 15 years ago when I went to work for a small company that promised me the ability to earn ownership shares but they never delivered.

I have since figured out a better approach that I wish I could discuss openly without making people mad at me.

edit: I'm still trying to be a good person and participate in community and not be a shithead to people. I just don't play the same capitalism eat-your-young game anymore.

In school when I realized that the people who copied homework and cheated in exams could get the same grades as me with a quarter of the effort + everyone else gave you shit if you told on them and the teacher still didn’t change their grade because you have no proof.

Middle-school. Not even joking. There are some really shitty people out there. Did a speed run of that life lesson.

19 as an army conscript. Never volunteer, never be first, but also never be last. Never let your friends or colleagues do your work tho', always lift your share. Always have your friends back, never trow blame aroud out loud, nd never trust those who are willing to stab others in the back. Lost honor and trust can never be fully regained.

I've known this on some level for decades, but it only really got through to me a few months ago. It was my 10 year anniversary at work, and no one even mentioned or acknowledged it. While it hurt at first, I've come to be deeply grateful for it. It really freed me of the last vestiges of magical thinking like in OP. Now, I do the absolute minimum and if they fire me, fine by me too. So freeing.

I'm 42 and it has worked out pretty well so far, honestly.

I joined the military, got good reviews (called "marks" for us), and tested well when I tried. Now I make good money, have the support of a lot of people in different departments and largely able to work on the projects I want, have gotten my #1 pick for station every time I have had to transfer, and will be retiring in 4 years with a bunch of ties to the community to keep me involved with things I enjoy after.

I get a lot of this is luck, and privilege (e.g. not everybody can join the military), and other factors. And regardless how hard I worked, many things ended up being popularity contests, so I missed some opportunties that way. But at no point did I feel like being nice and hardworking worked anything but in my own favor.

Career wise? The two metrics that matter is how well liked you are and how valuable you are perceived to be. Actually working hard and being nice can contribute to being well liked at work, and sometimes can increase one's own perceived value to the employer. But being nice and working hard aren't going to be rewarded in themselves.

I'm nice to people because it's the right thing to do. But it also has generally made me well liked my whole life. So I've never had trouble negotiating above-market pay for my jobs.

And I used to work hard when the situation called for it. Which isn't all situations. Most of my jobs had clients or customers, so doing right by them was usually more important to me than doing something right for the employer actually paying my salary.

But I also advocated for myself, made sure that a significant chunk of the "working hard" I did was towards actually documenting my value, or getting recognized for current contributions, and building my reputation for having the right skillsets and problem solving ability for future assignments.

Plus luck always plays a big role. Similarly situated workers at a booming/growing company paying out a bunch of bonuses, versus a failing company choosing which workers to lay off, are going to see very different results even if they're equally perceived. Much of my own success is simple luck of timing, right place/right time type stuff. If I were born 5 years earlier or 5 years later, or simply 500 miles away from my place of birth, I think I would've been struggling a lot more.

Idk, doing all of that is how I went from a customer service agent to a senior IT engineer within 5 years.

You just have to know when to do that stuff and when to coast.

Something like twelve. I saw how miserable everyone around me was and knew it was a crock of shit.

But you do get rewarded!......with more work.

It’s honestly just who I am, I don’t understand moderation. I’m from the US and moved to Germany, and it’s exploited a lot less, which is nice, but I either give everything or nothing.

As a person with ADHD. It feels like I always knew that working hard wouldn't get automatic rewards. Because no matter how hard I worked, I was never like the rst of the kids, and was always told I needed to try hardrr.

It’s cute that she thinks I ever had a plan.

34

I don’t expect rewards for being nice. I just want to be nice.

I’m bad at it though, but at least I’m trying my best.

don't know, I am still nice to people, want to work really hard and sometimes take more than enough work, But now I have clear boundaries & expectations, don't put up with some people's bullshit and plan well.

Ok honestly I never worked hard, because I couldn't ever work harder than possible. So birth?

I always take on much more than I should because thats apparently at least 2 things. So 34

But being really nice just feels better. So when I die.