Sounds like a great way to fake your death. The only problem is that everyone will think you died driving a Tesla.

He says the trucks are “apocalypse-proof” and claims they can withstand bullets and have “armor glass” windows.

They also withstand emergency responders and the occupant's attempts to escape.

Fires that entrap passengers are a well-documented and recurring problem with every model in Tesla’s lineup of vehicles, but Cybertrucks appear to have a disproportionate number of known deaths. Safety experts have told the Guardian that the truck’s unique design amplifies the deadly issue. The vehicles come with high-density laminated windows that are harder to break than regular car windows, making escape and rescue difficult when doors won’t unlock. And the trucks are built with materials not commonly used in the industry, like stainless steel, which can complicate the work of emergency responders. The Cybertruck is also the first Tesla model to entirely eliminate door handles on the outside of the vehicle.

First, "unique" design? It's an ugly callback to the wedge-shaped cars of the 80s. It looks like a DeLorean model that refused to render properly, and the dev just went with it.

Second, the decision to exclude door handles is fucking mental. It's a mundane feature that cars have had since the Model T. If they wanted to make a pickup, its handles should resemble those found on a typical pickup. If it's "aesthetics" they're after (which shouldn't matter when it comes to a pickup), some of the best looking cars have had no problem including door handles into its design.

Don't Teslas have the highest crash fatality stats on the road or something? Terrible company.

Tech Bytes: Tesla takes dubious crown with worst crash fatality rate by brand, according to new analysis

FFS, design standards exist for a reason. Quit trying to reinvent the wheel, or car doors as it is here.

I can’t fathom having my husband burn to death so badly that he’s just .. evaporated. But then again I can’t imagine my husband ever wanting a cybercuck so there’s also that.

Cremation is a new feature. It'll be an extra $2500 and comes with a decision engine on whether you should live or die (door unlocking). Tesla knows, trust Elon.

Well, see, that's what you get for being a poor.

Solution is simple, you must buy the optional $700 Cyberhammer to bash out the glass (not a joke, there really is a cyber hammer for $700).

Elon's got it all figured out, 8D chess losers

ouch oof my bones

That's what futuristic hidden door handles get you. Nice and crispy.

Free cremation — it’s a service!

At this point if you’re still driving a swasticar, you deserve it.

I’ve taken a couple uber rides in a Tesla and I wish they’d give you the option to select NOT THAT. I just stared at the stupid door button the whole time

When we finally start eating the rich, we will have readily available fires to cook them over.

self-cleaning/pyrolytic oven on wheels

The Tesla Crematoria

cybertruck is a built in crematorium and Coffin at the same time,elon makes nazi impressed.

No body no crime

Elon

The cybertruck actually burns so hot it destroys your soul. No afterlife for you!

This honestly seems like the most practical outcome. It solves the problem. It’s not like they have family that are gonna care for these fucking Nazis when they’re dead. Turn them to ash and throw them in the junkyard with the car.

We have yet to ask ourselves one simple question. Is this a bug or a feature?

POINT AND LAUGH

On the fiery side, we might have MAGA troops manning Tesla Tanks.

Cant wait til they start taking volunteers for the Mars rocket