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cross-posted from: https://lemmy.ml/post/46297347

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[-] Zak@lemmy.world 71 points 3 days ago

A friend who gets catcalled often thinks it's mostly men posturing for other men; they don't usually do it when they're alone.

[-] Mothra@mander.xyz 28 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

As a woman, my experience says this is largely dependent on the culture. Go to Latin America and men cat call women even when they're alone. Day, night, at work- doesn't matter. If anything, I've never been catcalled in enclosed spaces such as public transport or elevators, but I've occasionally had a hand on my ass if it's super crowded. If you ask me this totally puts them in the bully category, and bullies can also work in groups.

In Australia I've only seen men catcalling women while they are drinking, and yeah they were also not drinking alone. The catcalling also feels sillier or less serious somehow, perhaps because it's obvious they're being drunk and stupid.

YMMV.

Edit: also let me add, in the first example men catcall any woman. I think any woman between the ages of 12 and 60 is a good target for catcalling, as long as they're not morbidly obese.

In the second example, only conventionally attractive women, often dressed somewhat suggestively, get catcalled.

[-] mangobanana@discuss.online 15 points 3 days ago

That's why I stay fat lol

[-] Zak@lemmy.world 5 points 3 days ago

I wasn't really thinking about cultural differences in my comment. The friend in question is a conventionally attractive woman who lives in the USA.

As a man, that's been my experience.

[-] velma@lemmy.blahaj.zone 72 points 3 days ago

Women are simply objects in those situations. Something to be ogled at as they walk by. Men don't care what those women think of them, they're signaling to each other that they find that woman attractive.

[-] clay_pidgin@sh.itjust.works 4 points 3 days ago

The guy might have an internal monologue like "man, she's hot!" and it escapes into the air as a way to feel like he's making progress towards getting to sleep with her. I doubt the guys expect it to actually be effective.

I dunno. I've never done it and I've very rarely seen it in the wild.

[-] velma@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 3 days ago

The devil doesn’t need more advocates.

[-] clay_pidgin@sh.itjust.works 2 points 3 days ago

I'm not advocating for the man in my hypothetical, just suggesting what he might be thinking. Sort of the main conversation in the comments, isn't it?

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[-] Mantzy81@aussie.zone 49 points 3 days ago

As a big burly (but cis) bloke who would be described as a "bear" in some circles, there's nothing more fun than supporting my female friends then returning the "compliment" back to these men. It's funny how quickly they find it repulsive and it can be quickly turned into a learning experience for them.

[-] finallymadeanaccount@lemmy.world 20 points 3 days ago

You're assuming they think at all.

[-] ICastFist@programming.dev 11 points 3 days ago

I think the only time I cat-called women was when I was 10yo while playing football (soccer) in the neighborhood. The girls (~15yo I'd guess) looked back and I went red as a tomato in embarrassment.

Fast forward some years later, when I had long hairs, as I was arriving at school, someone horned at me and cat-called me. I turned around the the pair of idiots saw that I was a dude. They didn't speed up and I felt that, were I smaller or had a more meek outlook, they would call me gay, sissy, etc, before moving on.

So, it feels like cat calling is a power play against the target.

I do wish people could be honest about what they think, but in a civilized manner. I wish I could just tell a girl or woman I find her pretty without coming off as a creep, weirdo or flirty.

[-] velma@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 3 days ago

Please don’t conflate catcalling with approaching people respectfully to open the door to dating. They’re very, very different situations.

[-] ShaggySnacks@lemmy.myserv.one 10 points 3 days ago

The only time I ever seen a cat call work was when a cat made a noise at a woman.

[-] communism@lemmy.ml 23 points 3 days ago

It's basically bullying like you say. They enjoy the power they hold over a woman to be able to say degrading things about her without consequence.

[-] theuniqueone@lemmy.dbzer0.com 19 points 3 days ago

A combination of the power of making them uncomfortable and a lack of empathy and viewing women as objects to be admired and not full people.

[-] pipes@sh.itjust.works 18 points 3 days ago

I also think it's infantile behaviour, crowd/group mind psychology where they collectively act worse than the individual; IMHO the bully/cat caller gets pleasure in reaffirming their role within the group and will continue to do so unless somebody from the group itself strongly challenges them (complains, warns them, etc) or something else goes badly for them from bystanders intervening.

They pretty much don't care about the response from the victim unless it's "entertaining" and reenforces their clown act

Not a psych worker, just my 2c

BTW it reminds me of the phenomenon where a crowd freezes instead of helping an injured person, since there's too many people and little "per capita" pressure to help a stranger in need

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[-] Darkonion@lemmy.world 13 points 3 days ago

When I see people out exercising I often get the urge to yell that they are doing a good job or looking great if I see them working hard. But I never do.

[-] BranBucket@lemmy.world 6 points 3 days ago

I'm a cis man, so maybe take this with a grain of salt, but if I get encourement from a random person like this, I absolutely kick my effort up a notch and remember it for months-years.

I'd like think people might be able to tell the difference between "keep it up" or "you're doing great" and a full on catcall, but I've never been catcalled so... ¯\(ツ)

[-] wewbull@feddit.uk 4 points 3 days ago

Well yeah. As a cis man it'll be the only affermation you've had this decade.

[-] Korhaka@sopuli.xyz 7 points 3 days ago

If someone said that to me I would probably assume it's sarcasm

[-] folaht@lemmy.ml 3 points 3 days ago

I've done it plenty of times.
I did it to encourage people to be in good shape, because it started with people doing it to me.

[-] clay_pidgin@sh.itjust.works 4 points 3 days ago

I go for a thumbs up in that scenario.

I enjoy giving compliments to passing strangers because I know how much it means to me in the rare occasions that I have received one. Of course i'm very careful to not choose stress-inducing topics and not to time it when the subject would be stuck with me, e.g. an elevator.

I get to see so many smiles from recognizing cartoon characters on kids' clothes, complimenting older guys on their bold hat choices, or someone's colorful glasses frames.

The world needs more smiles!

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[-] DeathsEmbrace@lemmy.world 16 points 3 days ago

I don't think you realize they don't care and don't have that social respect normal people have.

[-] verdi@tarte.nuage-libre.fr 9 points 3 days ago

It's the equivalent of juvenile chimps flinging shit. Some people never really got past that jungle phase.

[-] Professorozone@lemmy.world 5 points 3 days ago

I do think that they think it's a compliment. I guess they don't have any women in their lives to smack some sense into them.

[-] lil_tank@hexbear.net 10 points 3 days ago

Second option all the way. If they thought cat-calling could earn them a date they'd have realised empirically that it doesn't

[-] random_character_a@lemmy.world 5 points 3 days ago

Somebody actually cat-calls women? Not just a stereotype from 80's broadcasting?

If they do, I'd imagine it's a role they think they have to play for their peers. Do they do that when they are alone?

[-] Marketsnodsbury@lemmy.zip 7 points 3 days ago

Search up the 2014 short video 10 Hours of Walking in NYC as a Woman to give you some insight into how pervasive (and, unfortunately, timeless) this behavior is.

[-] velma@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 3 days ago

Ngl, it's a bit disheartening to see how many men think catcalling just.....doesn't exist.

[-] RoquetteQueen@sh.itjust.works 8 points 3 days ago

Tbh, they catcall teenage girls far, far more than they catcall women. And yes, it happens all the time when you're young enough.

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[-] Azzu@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 3 days ago

It's just fun for them. There is no thinking involved, so your question is meaningless.

[-] ZWQbpkzl@hexbear.net 4 points 3 days ago

This is the correct answer. At most they do think you like it. "Its just a compliment" etc.

[-] CanadaPlus@futurology.today 6 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

Do people still do that? I don't think I've ever seen it IRL, but then again I don't live somewhere that's known for it.

[-] velma@lemmy.blahaj.zone 9 points 3 days ago

Men absolutely still cat call.

[-] MeetMeAtTheMovies@hexbear.net 5 points 3 days ago

It’s always seemed like negative attention seeking to me. Pretty much bullying with the facade of “compliments”

[-] SkaveRat@discuss.tchncs.de 5 points 3 days ago

The shotgun approach. do it often enough, and you'll fine someone who'll like it for some reason

[-] bizarroland@lemmy.world 4 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

I have yet to read any of the other comments, so this is right off the dome, but I imagine that most of them think that they are just sending a compliment and brightening someone's day.

I doubt they imagine that the girl is gonna sprint across the highway at 75 miles an hour, rip the door of their car, shred their blue jeans like a wildcat and start fucking them like an insane, rabid mongoose.

Maybe they should. Maybe that would inspire the fear needed to stop catcalling?

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this post was submitted on 22 Apr 2026
95 points (99.0% liked)

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