X Æ A-12

Bob, short for Bobert. So that every time he has to say his full name to anyone on the phone or fill out forms somewhere, he has to repeatedly explain that, no, it's not Robert, it's Bobert.

Robert'); DROP TABLE Students;--

Spez.

Sue.

X Æ A-12

Pubert

Adolf

I once knew someone who refused to tell anyone the name they chose before the baby was born (absolutely valid choice, IMO). The grandpa-to-be chose to exclusively refer to the fetus as Beelzebub.

• Spanko
• Twallypod
• Roooooo
• Meganginipple
• Nipple
• Craig
• Nart
• Puddin
• Sue
• Ticksy
• Ewwgross

First, anything ending in -ayden. 2-4, I'm just going to list a few real names I've heard. Middles included.

Wynter Obsidian

Ocean Zebediah

Buck Shot

X Æ A-12

Grzegorz Brzęczyszczykiewicz

Robert'); DROP TABLE Students;--

Open a random page in any P. G. Wodehouse novel and you’re good to go! Gussie Fink-Nottle, Bingo Little, Kipper Herring, Stiffy Byng. Or, my personal fave, add in an extra letter like he did for his character Psmith, where, he explains, the “p” is silent, "as in pshrimp.”

Jugemu Jugemu Go-Kō-no-Surikire Kaijari-suigyo no Suigyō-matsu Unrai-matsu Fūrai-matsu Kū-Neru Tokoro ni Sumu Tokoro Yaburakōji no Burakōji Paipo Paipo Paipo no Shūringan Shūringan no Gūrindai Gūrindai no Ponpokopii no Ponpokonaa no Chōkyūmei no Chōsuke

A friend went with Gilbert, which seems like a strong contender.

Jimothy

Tomathan

Kevincent

Jachary

Esteburt

Stanthony

Donald

Organ farm #17.

There's a classic Japanese story about a boy called Jugemu Jugemu Gokō-no Surikire Kaijarisuigyo-no Suigyōmatsu Unraimatsu Fūraimatsu Kuunerutokoro-ni Sumutokoro Yaburakōji-no Burakōji Paipopaipo Paipo-no Shūringan Shūringan-no Gūrindai Gūrindai-no Ponpokopii-no Ponpokonā-no Chōkyūmei-no Chōsuke. That's all the first name. No nicknames allowed.

Biggus And then convince them to change their last name into Dikkus

I know of someone who named her son "Scrotum".

Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern-schplenden-schlitter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dingle-dangle-dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knacker-thrasher-apple-banger-horowitz-ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumblemeyer-spelterwasser-kurstlich-himbleeisen-bahnwagen-gutenabend-bitte-ein-nürnburger-bratwustle-gerspurten-mitzweimache-luber-hundsfut-gumberaber-shönendanker-kalbsfleisch-mittler-aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm. Assuming they live in Ulm. If not, adjust name accordingly.

How about "Naughtius Maximus"?

We had a mother and baby possum on our fence that we nicknamed Methany and Rolexxus.

Frothcunt

Any very foreign sounding name is a great contender: Ashurbanipal, Nebuchadnezzar, Nabopolassar.

Judas is a good option, too. I think it's even illegal to name your child Judas in Germany.

Any DBZ character works. Trunks in an english speaking country would be spot on.

For a tropical real life villain, Jair Bolsonaro.

Any "creative" spelling of a common name.

e.g., Jahnithun.

Donald Trump Elon Musk

Deuteronomy

Alexa That's just gotta be annoying for everyone when your smart home device kicks into action every time your name is called.