Potential Hot Take
Religion is a collective illusion at best and a reason for genocide at worst. So we should do everything to create a society, where people just leave this dangerous liability behind.
A ban will not do it. But continuos reminders of what religion actually is and does, will pave the way for it to die out on its own.
Religion ruins everything.
I agree. A ban would be a counterproductive disaster. It’s something we need to grow out of collectively and that will take a minute.
We need to develop (we being humanity) a more moral equivalent to religion because it does fulfill some basic needs.
Per usual, educated people are harder to control.
Religious trauma absolutely should be considered a disorder. And not just for queer people. There are people who grew up in incredibly crazy churches and are plagued with recurring nightmares of burning eternally in hell because they were told that's what would happen to them if they made the slightest misstep. They aren't daily or anything like that for my wife, but she grew up in an Assembly of God (crazy speaking in tongues people) church and she does still get nightmares about being in hell. I've talked to people for whom it's pretty much a weekly occurrence.
I also get dreams like this! More often I wake up and can't get the stupid hymns and songs they taught us in sunday school when we were kids out of my head. It's really fucking annoying and makes me feel crazy sometimes
I'm sorry she deals with that. I don't get nightmares but I have trouble with concerts or seating anywhere in rows as a panic attack trigger 😅
There are so many hateful people and con men in religion. I was thinking my way out of it in my 20's. What they were preaching as gospel sounded like the fantasy stories of Dungeons and Dragons or the books I was reading.
And I was Gay and had to figure that out. It wasn't easy with all the hate pushed by religion.
Yeah, I was smart enough to keep my mouth shut about my sexuality because my religion (Mormon/LDS) still practices electroshock torture for ‘fixing the gay’. I maintained my silence out of sheer terror that the people I was supposed to trust would want to hurt me that way.
Now that I am stronger, I will not forgive and I will not forget. Nor will I remain silent any longer.
Did you leave the Mormon church. I hear leaving comes with issues too.
Glad you were smart and aware about what could happen. My parents were not happy I was gay and thought it was a mental illness and that my friends were teaching me to be gay. None of my friends were gay. I had to make new gay friends. I was able to keep one old friend but lost all the other friends I had before I come out.
Being an atheist on top of that was the cherry on top of it all.
Oh, yes I left it behind long ago, never quite really believed any of it, although I conformed for social survival. All it took to leave was complete social suicide, I left behind my entire family for a few years (have since reconnected with the good ones). I lost all my friends from before the age of 30. It was an incredible cost. Fuck everything they stand for.
Sorry that happen to you. Glad you were able to get away from it.
I was happier with gay friends I could talk to about things. But my parents came around. They still were not happy but knew there was nothing that they could do. I was an adult and supporting myself.
The eternal barrier is actually finding access to a psychiatrist, or even a therapist for that matter
And then filtering out the ones who suggest that the solution is a stronger personal relationship with god and they know the nicest little church, you'll love it, ...
Those therapists need to have their licenses revoked. If a therapist doesn't have the objectivity to keep their own preferences out of therapy, are they even qualified to be doing it? I'd say no. For some, the community of church is a healthy thing, for others it just adds to the trauma. A competent therapist would figure out what each client really needed before pushing the church crap.
I'm with you on the first three sentences and the final one if you omit the last five words. If you live somewhere rural enough or without sufficient oversight for whatever reason, people start thinking they can bend those rules though. Being raised to believe that their book club has a monopoly on truth and morality contributes to the problem as well. Makes it a lot easier to ignore rules that they don't agree with using the justification of a higher power's commands.
It’s such a minefield finding good help. I had terrible luck for years in finding steady care, so many dead ends.
I finally got connected with a larger group practice (USA based) and that’s when I started getting the help I need. The key for me was consistency of care, both psychiatry and therapy working together over longer periods.
The advantage of a group practice is that if you need to switch therapists (or, more commonly, the therapist or psychiatrist leaves the practice) they have a group of alternatives to choose from. A good group practice will work behind the scenes to assure continuity and tailored care.
I didn’t really start getting better until I had a real care team. Trauma physically changes the nervous system and it often takes neuropsychiatry (medication) and therapy to make progress.
The challenge is that these kinds of practices are only found in bigger metropolitan areas. I did have to wait almost 6 months to see a psychiatrist, but they got me in with a therapist much sooner. My years of trying to find some relief in smaller cities just seems like wasted time in retrospect.
Yeah, I live in a small town, so I don't think I can find that.
I had a therapist once who I thought was going to help me, but then one day he suddenly went on a racist rant about MLK Day, unprompted. Then I had one who was pretty good, but eventually I just got discouraged. Just thinking about trying again gives me anxiety, and I'm literally a LGBT+ person with trauma lol
It’s so tough. I, too, have given up on getting better many times because so much seemed to be working against it. I’m far from ‘cured’ and dealing with the trauma will likely be a lifelong effort. But it has gotten better and I have found a kind of fragile happiness, at least in my better moments.
Thank you for asking about my experiences. It is nice to find some validation for a struggle that many are not equipped to even understand. I am sorry that you had to experience similar trauma. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could bond over something banal like the superbowl instead of our respective troubles caused by ignorance?
It would be nice! Do you mind me asking what you've done to find happiness? Probably the best thing a therapist ever suggested was making a list of people to call when I'm in crisis mode. I don't even discuss my problems, just calling and talking about anything helps.
Oh, it's a very long story and so personal, but I don't mind trying to express what has worked. I also was undiagnosed for ADHD until the age of 42. I had to take a series of psychiatric medications to heal up from the stress of being undiagnosed for so long and basically torturing myself to achieve in life, before I could even tolerate the typical stimulant treatments.
Once I got stronger, I could tolerate stimulants and it has been a god-send (irony intentional!). It didn't cure me at all, but it gave me more wherewithal to apply the coping skills I have worked so hard to learn. So the same old things that never worked very well before quite suddenly became more effective. I feel sometimes like I am having to grow up all over again, which isn't all bad because that means my life has more possibility now.
I too have to force myself to reach out, but the benefits are profound when I can actually open up with my trusted circle.
I know everyone's journey is different, but I have developed some faith in modern mental health care. The field is full of people that sincerely want to help. Yes, I had to do most if not all the work myself, but the support and concern of some highly skilled people helped me get better results from the work.
If you can't tell, I'm in a stage in life where I am 'coming out' about my own mental struggles. Hiding the pain has done me no favors, so I frankly don't care anymore about what judgement people might make of me.
Thank you for sharing. My husband was also diagnosed with ADHD and PTSD well into adulthood. Just the insight into what's caused so many of his personal struggles has helped immensely, I think.
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