Not much going on, but I plan to start painting miniatures again soon. On a side note, I’m at least doing some light workouts (though the painting is more important to me, to be honest).

roll call

@SeventyTwoTrillion@hexbear.net

@Mokey@hexbear.net

@FumpyAer@hexbear.net

@odmroz@hexbear.net

@Ufot@hexbear.net

@RonPaulyShore@hexbear.net

@Rojo27@hexbear.net

@Grebgreb@hexbear.net

@CommunistBear@hexbear.net

@TraschcanOfIdeology@hexbear.net

@LGOrcStreetSamurai@hexbear.net

@blight@hexbear.net

@quarrk@hexbear.net

@vehicom@lemmygrad.ml

@Aradina@lemmy.ml

@Tomorrow_Farewell@hexbear.net

@LanyrdSkynrd@hexbear.net

@LocalOaf@hexbear.net

@Wmill@hexbear.net

@Cammy@hexbear.net

@bazingabrain@hexbear.net

If anybody else wants to be added to the roll call, just let me know

Staying sober, so that's good.

I'm working on my mental health and taking steps to start building a stable routine.

It's been a few weeks since I've posted in one of these threads. After a sustained few weeks of increasingly worse mental health I fell off the wagon and fell off hard. I have been drunk every day for the past week and a half or so. I don't even really feel that bad about it tbh. In total, I went just about 6 months without drinking. My fall back into drinking happened pretty quick. On a particularly shitty day I saw a bottle that was kept around and decided "fuck it" and had 3 shots in quick succession. From that point on I quickly fell back into my old drinking habits. I know I should get back on the wagon sooner than later but I'm probably gonna indulge myself a bit before drying out again. It feels like the only thing in my life that I get to decide is my own drinking and as a result, when I'm feeling increasingly hopeless and out of control of my own life, drinking feels like a way I can have agency for once. I know it's a poor coping mechanism but it feels like the only one that I can have right now.

October is one of my favourite months (spooky season ) so I kinda just want to relax and enjoy the vibes this month. Easier said than done, since I'm always trying to make progress. I want to touch grass with friends next week

Keeping up my daily average number of steps. Eating slightly more irregularly and weirdly but eating. Sleep maybe 2 hours messed up. Catching up on housework.

Ive spent money on war thunder again and now i feel bad why did i do this

You can get a shirt of the post image, btw: https://spacedoglaika.com/collections/refinished-propaganda/products/knowledge-will-break-the-chains-of-slavery-refinished-soviet-literacy-propaganda-ussr-communist-t-shirt

I'm just mentioning it because I have been wanting this shirt, which is why this post caught my eye.

To be more relevant to the post, I do want to mention that I have been struggling with time management and burnout, but for the past month or so, I have been learning to play the guitar, and it's really helped my mood and focus as it's an easy thing to start doing with little energy. I practice guitar while I am waiting for my ADHD meds to kick in during the weekend, and it helps me feel more motivated when they do. I've learned 4 chords (sort of), and I tend to practice a riff with 3. I think forcing myself to play slower has a positive effect on slowing down my mind's racing thoughts. I also play guitar sometimes at night after work, and the mental roadblock for me to start tuning and playing is much lower than it is to hype myself to play a video game or work on a computer project.

I aspire to be skilled enough at guitar to casually sing and play commie songs.

I'm still trying to find more ways to reclaim my attention and free time. I have deleted a lot of the apps on my phone. So many of them serve ZERO purpose and do nothing for me in the short term or long term. I'm not see any real changes or impact yet but I'm thinking that all of those little "micro-interactions" with my phone will add up to lets say 3-5 per week.

I'm trying to find a better "routine" as far as cooking and cleaning as well. Keeping my domain orderly is a big help for me but finding a pattern that works still hasn't really settled for me. I'd rather keep it clean and orderly rather than having to clean and order things when they are in disarray.

Finding time to really lock in and do my game development was rough last week. I didn't make much progress on anything, I'm even trying to log my work in a journal/blog but it really highlights how little I have done and how far i have to go. Making even tiny micro lame-o games is far more demanding on my time than I would like. But still I want to make games as a hobby so I gotta find a pathway to fulfill this desire, because I'm worth the effort.

Diet and exercise remain on point. Doing more cardio, slightly less weight training and I'm seeing improvement in body composition. Still making sure to do regular heavy resistance days but I'm really hopeful to see my cardio endurance improve.