I genuinely think it is killing me but I cannot afford not to

The worst part for me being a corporate computer toucher is looking around I seem to be the only one suffering and everyone else is enjoying it

Graeber had a bit in Bullshit Jobs where he argued that soulless awful corporate jobs pay more specifically because of how awful they are as a way of compensating for it, meanwhile actually useful jobs where you make the world even a tiny bit better pay less because hey you're already doing good, and isn't that enough?

i'm one of those computer touchers and i do it for the high salary.

the corporate world is likewise horrendous for me (like it is for almost all neuro-diverse people) but i do it because the money i save after working there for 2 or 3 years affords me the freedom to leave when those patterns start to make me hate life.

i think i'm done doing it from now on because not only are we producing zero value, but i think we're actively hurting humanity and i've learned that my colleagues don't care so long as they can afford the mortgages on their houses (yes plural) and put their children into the best schools.

i find that as i keep progressing career wise the work gets more evil and my colleagues have even more shitty, privileged takes due to the disgustingly high salaries; so i searched and found another job that's as far away for corporate-hood as possible and hope to stay there for as long as i can. the pay is relatively shit like it is for the service workers (i'll be one of them), but i'll think i'll actually be helping humanity while getting to use almost the same skillset.

our system admires and rewards psychopaths, so it's unfortunately up to you to find ways of coping with it. in my case: i use talk therapy to help me identify the self-defeating patterns that cause me to feel like life is hopeless or stupid and redirect that angst/anger into something that helps me or at least minimizes the impact of those negative feelings; my career change is an action i'm taking to this end.

Corporate America is hellish for anybody except maybe sociopaths, but being in any way neurodivergent definitely makes it a hundred times worse.

It depends on what you mean specifically by ND as this is an umbrella term that encompasses every sort of atypicality in brain function, but let's just go with it:

I think it's about finding a niche. You know what you can't tolerate, and that's a critically important step. Honestly it's really overlooked when it comes to finding a career because it's at least as important for your job to be tolerable as it is enjoyable or rewarding or whatever.

I doubt it would be very commonplace but if you had a phobia of blood and you worked as a phlembotomist then you're doing to have a hellish time in your line of work. If you cannot tolerate seeing animals suffer then you're going to have a difficult time working as a vet. I suppose the seeing the neglect would be worse but I'm not sure. If you have very little patience then you're going to struggle as a childcare worker or a grade school teacher. And so on.

So maybe it's worth mapping out both your strengths/passions and your needs/conditions you can't tolerate. With this you would be able to form a picture and use that to figure out what best maps onto a suitable job for you. From there it's about qualifications, experience, and connections but a clear direction is going to make all of that so much easier.

I agree but consider this about getting out: Whether you want to become a healthcare worker, an artist, a cook, or anything else that actually helps the people immediately around you, then increasingly you are going to have to operate under corporate management that somehow manages to corrupt the good left in these jobs. And that means you're going to feel less like you're helping, and then you're just working for another corporate master for even less pay.

Maybe it would ultimately be more comforting to find ways to use that extra $60,000 in the office job to support people organizing in your community, leftist groups working in other areas, etc. I don't know and I'm not going to judge you one way or another, it's just food for thought.

I hope you can find a happy and healthy balance with your work life soon.

I need to bite the bullet and get the fuck out but how the hell do you enter the biggest phase of change in your life when you follow the same patterns each and every day?

My M.O. is to throw myself right into the deep end and just deal with the consequences as they pop up. I've had a lot of good outcomes. But I've also accrued a fair amount of trauma pursuing those outcomes.

Yeah every large corporation I’ve ever worked for is exactly how you described. That’s why I started my own company. I could not fucking deal with it.