I have heard from multiple people that eye contact is essential in letting a girl (or guy, I guess) know you're interested.
But what is the 411 when it comes to said eye contact? Do you keep looking until she does? Do you then keep staring? Or is like looking at the sun? What's the deal?
You won't get good answers on social cues from Lemmy. You might get good Linux tips though.
Fair enough, what Linux command do you use to make eye contact?
touch eyes
This is inappropriate on so many levels:
cat eyes
of Sauron
[elrond@rivendell ~]
runuser -l guest.frodo -c '/home/guest.frodo/ring.sh'
cat eyes
cat: no such file or directory
LinusSexTips
From my experience, if you make eye contact, look away briefly, then look back. If she's still looking at you, hold eye contact for a moment and smile. If she likes you, she'll likely smile back.
If she's purposely avoiding making eye contact the second time, don't be a creep, carry on with your day 👌
There’s a very thin line between the longing look of admiration and the cold gaze of a serial killer.
In her book "How to talk to anyone" Leil Lowndes suggests that when speaking with women it's best to maintain constant, unbroken eye contact to signal attention and interest. She goes on to note that even when engaged in conversation with multiple people one should act as if their eyes are constantly glued to the woman, only briefly looking away when another person is speaking and behaving as if your eyes are irresistibly drawn back to the woman of interest. She believes this formula is best in male to female conversations and female to female conversation.
By contrast, she notes that when engaged in a male to male conversation, one should regularly break eyecontact as not to be perceived as a threat. However, one should still act as if your eyes are being irresistibly drawn back to theirs.
.... I have no idea what Lowndes's qualifications are and frankly this sounds like a formula written by an alien trying to understand humans but hey maybe theres some merrit to it idk
She goes on to note that even when engaged in conversation with multiple people one should act as if their eyes are constantly glued to the woman, only briefly looking away when another person is speaking and behaving as if your eyes are irresistibly drawn back to the woman of interest.
Honestly, as a woman, if a man started doing this to me in a group I'd be freaked the fuck out
Yep. As if women would never perceive men as a threat based on the same signals men would use to perceive threat.
Men, logical and hunter warrior manly men. Women, attention seekers. Therefore, stare down pretty women to show manly manness.
Alpha bro evo psych is so wild.
Focussing.... Focussing....
Kinda sounds like it would be the same kind of thing that brought forth the whole "alpha male" thing.
I got that vibe throughout the entire book. It really smelled to me of someone trying to justify their own success when in reality she was probably just born with the right connections.
Okay but where's the line between "unbroken eye contact to signal attention and interest" and just being a creepy stalker?
Well, I got the impression that the author was mostly hanging out in upper class society. So while she's asserting that these rules are universally applicable, her frame of reference seemed to be mostly talking to people in situations like fundraisers and galas. I imagine she's operating on a framework of always having some prior knowledge of the people she's engaging with.
I love the errors you get and the timing of the errors
lmao!
First you need to approach in a non threatening way. Ideally, by shouting "I am bigger and stronger than you! If I wanted you dead, you'd be by now!"
That way they know you are NOT a threat
If possible, make them feel secure by brandishing a weapon of any kind. That way they know they WILL be safe near you
So I think the question could be refined a little. Eye contact helps build connection between people, but it's not the only piece of the puzzle. Maybe a better question is "'How do I communicate more empathetically?"
There's another question; "How do I let someone know I'm interested?" This question is related to the first in that trying to get close to another person (being vulnerable with each other) and communicating your feelings is how you let someone know your interested.
TLDR: get to know them and tell them you're interested. If they say they're not interested you can probably still be friends since you already got to know each other. Empathy and humility/vulnerability are key in building relationships.
The idea is that y'all both Exchange a glance long enough to both notice, short enough to not creep each other out. A subtle smile to seal the deal.
Then go say hi to confirm.
If you feel awkward at any point either you suck or the answer is no, that's where the real skills is at IMHO
The fact that your autocorrect is capitalizing Exchange makes me think you've had some bad times.
Behavioral mirroring is often a sign of trust or comfort, and applies to levels of eye contact as well. If someone is subconsciously doing the same things you are doing (e.g. longer and more direct eye contact if you initiate, more or slower blinking, more smiling, more relaxed postures to mirror yours), those are good signs of interest.
The converse is also true. If you are doing a lot of direct eye contact, and it seems like the other person is often looking away or closing up their body (crossed arms or rotating their torso away), that's a sign to reduce some of those behavioral signals to match.
I'd say there isn't a "This exact amount" to most things, as people are all different in their preferences, and it's more about adjusting up and down with someone, in response to their small non-verbal or body language signals. They will likely be doing the same with you. Also, as others have mentioned - you can be more direct with words. If this is something you're unfamiliar with and there's someone you trust, you can say directly that you're uncertain and ask something like "I'm not great at knowing how much eye contact feels correct, could you let me know if you notice too much or too little?". If they are friendly with you, they'll also likely be comfortable with the small request.
Also, just to say it - eye contact can mean the general eye area - it doesn't mean your exact pupil to their exact pupil. I find that if I focus on the literal eye/pupil, then I get strained trying and keep attention on that specific small area. If I focus on the general eye area (nose/forehead/eyebrow/general eye) - they both can't tell that it's indirect eye contact and it's easier to let my body auto pilot focus
I'm going to need class 101 on 411 as I've no idea what it is
In the US, 411 was/is a phone number you could call for "information", specifically directory assistance. Many carriers no longer offer it.
You look them deep in the center of their eyes and breath deep and smile and then you use your fucking words to tell them.
There is an evolutionary trait that checks potential partners for eye dilation after prolonged eye contact, supposedly to check for defects, but all it does is a little Seratonin so it's useless in a world of rational choice.
Words? What is that. Where do I buy one?
bro the last paragraph makes you sound like an ailen trying to mimic humans ngl
like this 👀 idk man how am i supposed to show you from here
Any advice for autistic people who are uncomfortable with eye contact?
My opinion is that nothing insincere works, and you'd better find that interest inside yourself and allow it to guide you. Even if you won't manage a lot of eye contact.
But admittedly I have a diagnosis and I don't have a girlfriend.
There's a song:
"I was looking back to see if she was looking back to see if I was looking back at her"
And also an Islamic proscription against looking twice at a person of opposite sex since it signals interest.
So at least one sort of look that signals interest is the looking again. I also think the kind of sideways look with a smile is good.
Do not go for intense and smoldering. That is some sort of advanced level shit that we civilians cannot manage, it will go wrong.
There are plenty of videos out there on body language or "non verbal communication". A common one which i picked up on long ago and to myself referred to as "the uppy/downy" look is what you want. It's a clue someone MIGHT be into you when they make eye contact, look away (usually down), then make eye contact again. Allegedly they are checking you out, looking away, then looking to see if you're still looking. It's fair to say it works both ways.
One element is to smile with your teeth. If a woman smiles with her mouth closed, it's just a friendly thing. Old gf told me that and a couple of decades of observation have born that truth out.
Know that face you make when you really want to smile, but are obviously holding it in? That can work.
Making strong eye contact, holding-it-in-smile, then blushing away, just to look again with a full-teeth smile sends a strong signal.
OTOH, if you have to consciously think about how to compose your face, you better be a trained actor. Humans have a solid sixth-sense for the disingenuous.
In any case, don't merely stare without expression. Yikes.
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