I don't do well in traditional semester college cuz adhd.

So, never went to college. Started in fast food, last job was 75k/ year tech job.

I took a lot of short term accredited programs. ROP certifications. LearnIT. Studied on my own to test MVP certifications for excel, PowerPoint, word. You can study on your own to take A+ certification exam. I took community college non credit classes about various applied arts.

So, I'd show up at job interviews with no traditional college degree, but a ton of certifications, short term classes, etc. They were fascinated by my diverse tech skills, it showed I had ambition. So I got a lot of jobs easily this way.

Also, try being a career temp for a while. If you prove you'll show up for the gigs professionally, they'll send you to more assignments . I did this for a decade, got phenomenal skillset, different industries , lot of diverse experience.

That remind me: Gary Stadler lullabies I listen to. Very good. So new options, yes

Man, so many podcasts are awesome. Ty

It's threaded with spiraling time threads, like symphonic Christmas lights dancing in an ethereal breeze. Touch one of these time threads, and millenias worth of physics explodes along my skin. You can hear the whispered susurrations of cosmic eddies trembling thru the universe, the songs of stars. It is bright like sherbert, cold and warm on the flesh, and every fiber of my being is rapturously tesselated.

Yes. Some books I remember so fondly, reread from time to time. If I lose such a book, I'll replace it. Some of these books:

Flatland

The phantom tollbooth

Wrinkle in Time trilogy

I tend to hyperfixate. So I got into habit of getting up every 3 hours, going outside, walk around block. I will say to self, get up, right now, out of this chair, outside, now. Been doing this so long now, it's become habit, part of daily routine. Has helped a lot.

Practically, what voluntarily checking myself into a psych hospital did: was given a temporary case worker who worked for the hospital. She assessed my needs. She called up a social services agency, who came to the hospital to meet me. I was placed in a shelter short term upon discharge, while new case manager worked on finding better temp housing. Was given 3 weeks of meds on discharge. Case manager connected me with an agency that helped me apply for ssi.

Whether you have insurance or not effects the care you receive.

If you voluntarily 5150 yourself, you will not be allowed to buy a gun afterwards.

A good hospital will be mostly safe, group activities, people who come in, teach meditation, mindfulness, art stuff. Made awesome connections. Lot of creative people in psych hospitals.

Bad hospital, 2 days waiting in an overcrowded room, shoved, yelled at by staff, violent patients, screaming, chaos.

In my area, there are crisis stabilization places thatve emerged to fill a void. People who don't need to be hospitalized, but need help. 2 week stay, more freedom of movement, day trips, can bring and keep your laptop, phone, wear normal clothes. But the tone of these places vary depending on who's there. Sometimes, hostile, violent clients who make other people feel unsafe. Week later, different group, Uber chill and zen.

If you have ptsd, are fleeing domestic abuse, or have autism, any of the above places can be challenging.

I dont understand everything about quantum physics. I'm trying to learn. It reminds me about chaos theory and the properties of closed dynamic systems.

Rough analogy. Imagine a small fresh water aquarium. Exact size, always same location. Indoors, water temperature same. Same terrain on the bottom. Only 4 fish, simple behavior.

If you try to predict where a certain fish will be at an exact time, can do so with high accuracy.

But now... aquarium can change size. Freshwater. Saltwater. Sometimes indoors, other times outside. More effected by external forces. And fish behavior is way more complicated. At one temp, fish is a gas. Another temp, solid. Another fish in one setting behaves as particle , other settings, as a wave.

There's also a chaotic element in the aquarium, randomness, chance.

Try to predict the exact physical location of a specific fish at a specific point in time... you can't. What you can do is track patterns, trends over time. Expressed mathematically, you take into account various variables, environmental forces, etc. End result: equation says that a specific fish's location at a specific point in time is a range of possible locations, possible states.

Some people incorrectly think us observing the fish causes it to be at that location. Nope.

This abstract superimposed multiple states thing is a math concept. But this can be confused with a separate tenet of quantum physics, the observer effect.

First double slit experiment was 1800s. Proved light was both particle and wave. In 1900s, scientists recreated this experiment with other elements. Electrons, etc. They realized other elements behaved the same. In one experiment, trying to figure out what was causing this behavior, they built tiny detectors, put it at one of the slits. Electron(?) stopped behaving as a wave, behaved as a particle. They removed the detector, wave behavior resumed.

The observer effect has nothing to do with human observation, human perception. All it means, when something is measured, it can change.

Here in the larger macro world, you've got a beam of wood. Get a tape measure to measure it. Hook metal tab at one end, run tape along wood to other end.

Rough analogy here... when tape measure hooks onto wood edge, a few molecules are shaved off. But it's so infinitesimal. Doesn't matter. But descend into quantum realm, where stuff is way tiny, and the tiny difference becomes huge.

So, with our limited scientific knowledge, we measure stuff, it changes it. Cuz of the clumsiness, imprecision of our instruments.

Semantically, observer effect can mean, anytime 2 things meet, they can effect each other. If a tree falls in the forest and no humans to witness it, it still makes a sound.

No idea if I'm understanding any of this correctly.

Personally, would rather not. Would have preferred a choice. To not exist is a fantasy, for all things to cease, all of this trauma, drama gone. Often wish futurama suicide booths were an actual thing.

But, can see how others would find being alive appealing. One can have some pretty interesting experiences, learn stuff, etc.

I'm struggling with that. My red, orange, blue oil pastels are running out. But have a bunch of brown, grey hues left. So forcing me to adapt. Also, was struggling to figure out how to add layering, depth, large areas of white space. But just one tiny white oil pastel. That forced me to experiment with using gesso as a medium. Initially, just to more cheaply add more white space. But realized gesso is amazing, can be sculpted, if you sculpt patterns, or carve lines into gesso, let it dry... when you lightly run oil pastel over the dried gesso...

Poverty, limited means can be useful. Necessity breeds adaptation.

Non dairy creamer, awesome. Wouldn't have thought of that

Mists of avalon, by Marion Zimmer Bradley. Was questioning the faith I'd been raised in, and reading this book, a feminist retelling of Arthurian fantasy, as a teen... it clicked, that religion is subjective