I was a chemistry major in college. The tests all came with a periodic table for reference. Didn't have to memorize a thing. We were even allowed to use calculators! High school was full of lies.

You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don't wanna know about it, believe me.

I can’t guarantee the Wookie will win. Place your bets and let’s see who loses an arm.

Less of an American thing, and more of a Shitpost thing.

https://knowyourmeme.com/editorials/guides/what-in-the-world-is-perpetual-1-day-blinding-stew-the-meme-explained

Maybe for some lucky folks. I get Christmas Day. If the boss is feeling generous hey may let us leave early on Christmas Eve. We’re off for Easter, but since we’re closed on Sunday anyway it’s not actually a holiday.

The measure was a first-of-its-kind tapping into a decades-old law that would require the US state department to, within 30 days, produce a report on whether the Israeli war effort in Gaza is violating human rights and international accords. If the administration failed to do so, US military aid to Israel, long assured without question, could be quickly halted.

Those senators must be pretty confident that a report would find human rights violations. Why would they oppose it otherwise?

I've never seen any of the Final Destination movies, but the seeing trailer was still enough to make me stay away from the log trucks.

We’re in the mirror universe, aren’t we?

I saw a Prius on the road the other day that had a decal on the back with big block letters proclaiming, "NOT A LIBERAL". I wouldn't've noticed a random Prius driving down the road, but they just had to call attention to themselves to let everyone know their political leanings. I figure it's more to let their conservative friends know that they're still an asshole even if they got a more eco-friendly vehicle.

I once went to a pagan pride festival and noticed that the vendor with Norse stuff had "No Nazis" signs up. Up to that point, I didn't know that Nazis had infiltrated Norse paganism. It sucks and it makes me worry about my daughter's boyfriend who is really into Norse pagan stuff. I hope I have raised her well enough that she will punch him in the dick if he starts in on any neo-Nazi shit.

When I was a child, I lived in walking distance of my elementary school. One time my mom had to work early so she couldn't be there to see me off to school. I was old enough to walk by myself at that point, but I relied on her to tell me when to go. Since she wasn't going to be there, she told me to leave at "quarter after 7" so I could be there on time.

I left at 7:25 because a quarter is 25, right?

I got in trouble for being late to school. Instructions unclear, Mom!

I like the discussion this has generated around toxicity and professionalism, but I'm still very amused by the fact that he censored himself in the last line after not doing so for the rest of the message.