I had a similar experience growing up, it sucks. It has ruined my ability to interact with and form relationships with other men.
As a father myself, I am striving to create moments like you witnessed, I refuse to let my children suffer the way I/we have.
I prefer brown noise, it feels less harsh to me.
Edit: should have read the article before commenting, the author includes brown noise.
People don't want to watch reruns
I thought satisfactory at first too, but fluffy tailed hogs and lizard doggos don't seem to give a shit that I just built an oil pipeline and two dozen oil refineries in their home.
The article isn't terribly long, but here is the direct link to Taters https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GvJtVOmFs5Q
Tell me more about these cats. I'd like my V to be a cat lady, please and thank you.
Lots of good technical starting points here. I don't want to prematurely discourage you, but before you get into any code, evaluate your problem solving abilities. If that is an area you struggle in, work on that first, or at least in conjunction with programming basics.
I've worked with engineers who have all the code skills, but when faced with a complex issue, struggled to break it down into it's simplest components and wound up with a messy, over-engineered solution.
This isn't an endorsement for brave, but the websites aren't loading properly because they are full of the trash that brave blocks, not due to bugs in the browser.
Echoing what others have said, get the meds. I'm 39 and have been taking Vyvanse for a couple years; when I forget I am a mess, I can't believe I made it this far without.
I've been working on this lately, what I find helpful is reminding myself that the chore doesn't have to be done perfectly, and that some progress is better than no progress. I struggle with perfectionism and will put off tasks indefinitely because of fear that if I start wrong or don't finish it immediately it won't be perfect. My therapist helped me to realize that perfect is the enemy of done, and that it is ok if something isn't done perfectly.
My employer (< 20 total employees, 3 total devs) was recently acquired by a much larger company. Our lead dev was made a manager and no longer has time to code and I was made a team lead and now half my time is spent in meetings, code review, or deployments. I am finding that with limited time for coding I am writing more concise, thoughtful code.
The hardest part of the change was adjusting my expectations for the product. We can no longer deliver what we want at the pace we want as that is now dictated by someone.
I live near enough to TMI that a catastrophic event would be severely detrimental to my health, but I see this as a good thing (if you can call AI good). Clean, safe energy, and jobs for people in an area that needs jobs, win-win.