The chad bike:

Powered by whatever you ate for breakfast, no fuel cost required

Improves your body as you use it

No need for a license to use it

Totally incompatible with traffic jams, can go to gym, work, bar, or back home sooner to shitpost than waiting in traffic for hours

Not a rent-seeking device to further keep the poor poor.

Usually wherever bikes are viable property values are higher, even porks can't help but admit to the bike's superiority

Using it pisses off the right people, porky whines on how you're hurting the economy, the government has to be reminded of the folly of subsidizing the auto and oil industry

can easily maintain it at home, parts are cheap worst case scenario

No registration required

No computers for porky to spy on you, impossible to hack

Never have to pay for parking