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Man Dies After Secret 4-Year Battle With Gorilla
(theonion.com)
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this post was submitted on 09 Jan 2025
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The only two I can read are Ted's and Steve's (and Joe's first name?), but the only one I know is Ted. Who are the others?
I believe that the first one is (fictional) The Onion publisher T. Herman Zweibel, the second one is hockey hall-of-famer Joe Sakic (who wore jersey number 19), and the 5th one looks like Mary Kay Letourneau (who infamously got pregnant with her 12-year-old student). Number 4, I can't make out.
Steve Hannah is the old CEO of the onion, I've been trying to figure out the rest