NEW YORK—Stressing that the memory seemed so fresh and vivid in their minds, the confused nation announced Monday that they could have sworn British entertainer Russell Brand was already a convicted sex offender. “Interesting…so Russell Brand definitely wasn’t already found guilty of sexual assault back in, like…2016, 2017?” said 39-year-old New York resident Scott Hasard, echoing the thoughts of 330 million Americans as he noted that when he saw allegations emerge about the actor, comedian, and podcast host, he had assumed it was simply repackaged content from nearly a decade ago. “You’re telling me there wasn’t a lengthy and well-publicized trial where Brand was acquitted, but then new allegations emerged? And, like, social media posts where the women got called liars? None of that happened? Huh. I even feel like I read a think-piece about how we could still appreciate Forgetting Sarah Marshall despite his crimes. It’s probably insane to even ask this, but didn’t he release a comeback special back in 2020 about how everyone tried to cancel him for the sexual assault stuff? Seriously? Not even that?” At press time, the baffled nation asked what had made Brand into such an unhinged and deeply frustrated person if all of this hadn’t kicked it off years ago.
No kidding with Jonah Hill, Diddy, and Brand all being in it. It was a decent enough film at the time of its release. I won't rewatch it now because I would spend the entire time thinking "None of these are jokes...this is just them being themselves."
wait is jonah hill a sex pest?
No, just a really shitty, abusive boyfriend. He was dating a professional surfer and flipped the fuck out she....wore two piece swimsuits in public? Because obviously when you're dating a professional surfer, she's going to switch to wearing jeans and turtleneck sweaters when doing her job. He then tried to weaponize mental illness against his GF when she was like "What the fuck."
The phone conversations and texts got leaked after they broke up and he wouldn't leave her alone.
I looked up his wikipedia article and uhhh
CW SA
During the same month (as the accusations belly mentioned) , former child actress Alexa Nikolas accused Hill of shoving her against a door and kissing her without her consent during a party at Justin Long's house when she was 16 years old and he was 24. Nikolas alleged to Business Insider that Hill and Long were plying her with alcohol the entire night and stated that what Hill did to her "was a crime".[97] A litigation attorney working for Hill called Nikolas's accusations "a complete fabrication", stating that the event "never happened" and that Nikolas is "demonstrably unreliable" and a "serial accuser".[98] A representative for Long said that he "has no knowledge of what may or may not have happened concerning Ms. Nikolas".[97]Oh I didn't hear about this one 😬