aiME: "I, InevitableSwing, have something to say to the three noble police officers that beat me, curb stomped me, and then shot me five times for good measure. 'I am sincerely sorry for the distress I caused you. I wish I could say that to you face-to-face but due to exigent circumstances I am unable. Thank you for your service, heroes.' "

Jake Tapper: "Social media critics will complain but that's as heartfelt as it gets... And after the break - we're discussing my upcoming book that's coincidentally titled Thank You for Your Service, Heroes. How 'bout that huh."