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Glad I'm not wasting my life on that shit anymore. I've been addicted to many things, and alcohol would make me waste away worse than fentanyl. I'd just grab a fifth (or two or three) and just drink until I passed out. And I'd get so depressed when I drank, it wasn't even fun, I'd get drunk and instantly want to kill myself and often times start hurting myself in some way. I'd go days without eating because I was too drunk to remember I was hungry, and constantly nauseous from consuming nothing but vodka. I didn't remember anything I ever did, I'd just forget absolutely everything.
You sound just like me when I used to drink. There was a point in my addiction I weighed only 140lbs, was malnourished, subsiding off liquor and when the hunger pangs got too extreme microwaveable rice.
Today I'm a fat guy and I actually eat food sober.
Yeah, I've gained 40 pounds since getting sober, at one point I was down to 120lbs.