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[-] Kellenved@sh.itjust.works 126 points 3 days ago

Every top assassin knows to start your emails by explaining you are in fact a top assassin.

[-] Rusty@lemmy.ca 39 points 3 days ago

Noone wants to be confused with a bottom assassin.

[-] jubilationtcornpone@sh.itjust.works 5 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

If there's a "best" assassin, it stands to reason that there's also a "worst" assassin.

[-] Corkyskog@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 day ago

Maybe the worst assassins are all the friends we made along the way.

[-] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 6 points 3 days ago

the assassassin is to be feared

[-] AngryishHumanoid@lemmynsfw.com 36 points 3 days ago

Well it would be stupid to say you are a bad assassin, think it through dummy.

[-] antsu@discuss.tchncs.de 54 points 3 days ago

Pull an "Albanian virus":

"Hi, I am an Albanian assassin but because of poor technology in my country unfortunately I am not able to assassinate you. Please be so kind to assassinate yourself and then forward me the proof. Many thanks for your cooperation! Best regards,Albanian assassin"

[-] Snowclone@lemmy.world 4 points 3 days ago

I relate a lot to this assassin.

[-] corsicanguppy@lemmy.ca 5 points 3 days ago

think it through dummy.

Pacifier or mannequin? What kind of dummy are you thinking it through?

(The comma splice didn't have the same potential)

[-] AngryishHumanoid@lemmynsfw.com 4 points 3 days ago

Hmm, I vote for "crash test".

[-] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 2 points 3 days ago

yeah i want to get referrals from the widow and new husband

[-] Tiger_Man_@szmer.info 10 points 3 days ago

Professionals have standards

[-] SirActionSack@aussie.zone 8 points 3 days ago

Top Assassin (in the room).

Definitely in the top three assassins on the street (depending on the street)

[-] kautau@lemmy.world 7 points 3 days ago

Once there’s 47 Re:’s in the subject of the final email a call comes in

“Contract complete. Well done 47.”

Another classic Hitman assassination of getting someone to kill themselves due to never ending meaningless emails

[-] Flocklesscrow@lemmy.zip 5 points 3 days ago

Top top, or like top 10 in the graduating class?

[-] shalafi@lemmy.world 5 points 3 days ago

Know what they call an assassin that graduated last in his class? "Assassin"

[-] moody@lemmings.world 5 points 3 days ago

All you gotta do is convince them you're a bottom and they leave you alone.

[-] umbrella@lemmy.ml 4 points 3 days ago

and saying your name right away is the first thing any top assassin should do when sending emails to their victims.

The names's Bond. James Bond.

Everybody knows this information goes in the signature.

this post was submitted on 08 Oct 2025
894 points (99.3% liked)

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