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why are incels frowned/hated upon?
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this post was submitted on 18 Feb 2024
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The problem is, the word "involuntary" in incel puts the blame on those who won't fuck them. It's not their fault they haven't had sex yet, it's those who keep denying them. This gives them a reason not to have to change their behaviors or thoughts, which keeps them undesirable. That's why they're frowned upon.
Basically it's the mindset of the Chalmers meme that makes an incel.
As long as you don't subscribe to this line of reasoning, you aren't an incel
Exactly. Incel is not another word for vergin, there are tons of vergins who aren't incels.
I’d argue that not being a virgin also doesn’t prevent you from becoming an incel. You just weren’t always one.
The blame isn't on anyone, certainly not the women. However the blame isn't necessarily on themselves either. Not everyone are dealt the same cards. Some battles just can't be won. You're not supposed to blame anyone, but you can at least feel sorry for them?
The term "involuntary" means that they're not chosing to be single or sexless, but that forces outside of their control is causing it. But something has to cause it, and it's the attitude that women have that they usually blame. The problem is that their own issues are what cause the celibacy, of which they refuse to change. It's a lot easier for most people to but the blame outside of their control.
I'm not trying to say that everyone who identify as an incel doesn't have a chance. What I will however say is that the dating market can be very harsh, especially for men, and especially those that doesn't look the best. I'm not personally an incel, but I know how tough the dating market has been for me. And I know how much worse it can be for others. Some might even go a lifetime, without even finding a single person, despite trying their best. And it's nobodys fault. Nobody owes anyone their love or affection Yes, there are things you can do, that might help. But you cannot get away from the fact that people are dealt very different cards.
Btw, when Im referring to incel I'm not talking about those lurking on incel forums and hating women But to those that genuinely doesn't have much of a shot, while genuinely not being that bad of a person
This has come up a few times but I'm going to pick this one to reply to. Looks aren't zero important, but your actual body is far less important than grooming, dress, posture, and other related things that are far easier to change.
Related, have you seen how men act? Like ask a woman-who-dates-men friend what it's like on tinder. The bar is on the floor my dudes. With some bare minimum treating the other person like a person, being sincere and present, you're so far above the average.
Except some of us are treated like absolute garbage because of this definition. I'm just quiet and chill so somehow that gets defined as creepy. I've taken to just treating people as a reflection of how they treat me. Like I'm not even looking and I get treated as creepy I'd like to be in a relationship, but it really isn't a requirement for me to be fulfilled. This really messes with my self esteem and makes me not want to talk to people for the most part.
I can't speak to your creepiness, but as long as you put the onus on yourself as to why you're single and don't blame others, I wouldn't call you an incel. Do you call yourself an incel?
No I don't call myself an incel, but the definition has been detrimental to my daily life.. Like of I'm out in public not with a girl just doing things as normal I get this stigma and dirty looks.
Can you give an example?
Honestly, it sounds like an anxiety disorder. No one is looking at men walking around without a partner wondering why a partner isn't with them,. No one expects people to be with their partners all the time.
It's definitely tough when you get criticised just for chilling out. My advice is to try and not be offended by those comments unless they come from people close or important to you. Ask yourself: why does their opinion matter/what value does it actually have? Is it jyst a throwaway comment from a e.g. stranger or friend of a friend of a friend. You do not need other's opinions to validate yourself, so long as you're not causing harm to anyone else, keep doing what you're doing because it's good for you and leave the busibodies to their ignorant opinion and to waste only their time and effort on it, not yours.
Ps you share my broad approach of treating others well if they treat me well. Thumbs up for that!
This was me in college! And then I realized I was dressing like a weird hippy with a terrible haircut and gross beard. That stuff was a much bigger factor than being quiet.