Ironically what you see now is kind of the catastrophic blowback from unmasking* 100% and resolving to be as unfiltered as possible. It seemed like I became really offputting basically overnight; part of it is that I went a bit overboard and lost some ability to filter, which oops. I'm not that rude a person though, so it's not like I just atarted being an asshole.

My observations are that people at-worst hate it when you post long unrestrained infodumps or rambles, and at-best don't know how to respond. It's awkward, they also tend to hate it when I monologue at them, like I'm kind of doing now. I don't know why I do this or how to stop or if I even should. However, masking, being fake and pretend-pleasant and speaking like a "normie", filtering myself a lot is excruciatingly hollow, so I don't do it anymore and hence the walls of text.

But I guess I'm just generally unwilling to subject myself to the self-perceived pain and embarrassment that comes with spilling your guts on something you care about in public, and only getting tumbleweeds in reply. My rejection sensitivity is fucking jacked which is a problem. I also have this issue where the shit I'd say or talk about or whatever might not really be appropriate to the space? Some of that is just that nobody likes negativity, and nobody wants to read your 20,000 word essay on why their favourite game is dogshit. But also I find myself nowadays staring at two or three comms, or two or three discord channels and wondering "where does this even go? does it go anywhere?" I used to just say "fuck it" and post ridiculous giant rambles anywhere, or jump out of the proverbial bushes and ambush somebody with longwinded opinions about whatever stuff, but it never worked very well and it seems like it's getting worse in terms of people even responding. Progressively less reward for the risk.

*NEURODIVERSE DEFINITION