i guess i'm the weirdo, because i don't want to play games on my phone.

I mean, its easier to carry around one phone than one phone and one other gaming peripheral. I understand why its a common device for gaming. But absent the simple convenience, there are so many other reasons it sucks.

i rarely play for longer than 5 minutes and there are no ads or microtransactions and its super minimalist

I mean, I'm more than happy to dick around with the MtG:Arena app, since I never get to play that game in person anymore. Also worked my way through the original first four FF games on mobile. But the interface on the phone is generally awful. There's really no way to do even something as simple as FTL properly. Anything that isn't turn-based is approaching unplayable, nevermind the drain on battery.