I'm attempting to be self-employed in the very near future. And one question I keep asking myself is "where do I find clients?". So, obviously I'll have a website, some sort of social media,etc. But, some of my target clients will be businesses/organizations...

And every time, without fail, I'll think "hmm, LinkedIn is a good place to find businesses to reach out too". But the first thing I see is always some variation of this insane bullshit. Is it a requirement to embellish that badly?

Like, what am I supposed to do with that information? There must be a better way? Or do I need to start saying:

" Business is much like the chicken on my sandwich: covered in sauce which has too much fat. People, like little Abby at the orphanage, see my sandwich and say, "there's too much mayo", to that I say, "you don't know sandwiches the way I do". Without fail, the orphans are always enthralled. They see that all they need to do is make a better sandwich, learn about the fats in sauces, and work hard. They volunteer their time making sandwiches for me, so they can get the experience. And then, they go and start their own business, rising out of poverty."

"I have done this no less than 5 times already. And each time, the orphanage renames itself after my sandwich business "sloppy seconds". It's amazing what a little hard work can do."

"DM me if you would like to learn more."

I think that's unhinged enough. Let me know what you think!