Jim Gaffigan. Skip to 0:31 of you can't wait thirty seconds

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-Zh-W851XgU

Also, I couldn't find this elsewhere, but I only tried once. If you have a non-YouTube alternative of this video you'd like to share, please do and I'll edit my post

The targeted egg cartons were sold in 25 Costco stores in Alabama, Georgia, North Carolina, South Carolina and Tennessee beginning Nov. 22.

The "Organic Pasture Raised" eggs, sold in sets of 24, have a Universal Product Code (UPC) of 9661910680 with a use-by date of Jan 5, 2025.

Relevant info for those in a hurry

While I understand the sentiment, I have to disagree.

This is nearly perfect comedy, Without the final redirect it's just a rant about Fake Plastic Trees

These aren't secrets, but may not be well known (unless you watch LPL):

Sentry Safes aren't safes, they are fire boxes with a fancy lock.

High security locks are not high security because of the lock design, but because the keys are very difficult to have duplicated.

No one (except maybe intelligence agencies) breaks in to a house by picking a lock, especially in the US. Windows, weak door frames, and, in a pinch, making a hole in the wall are all faster ways of getting in.

Car keys are so expensive because many manufacturers charge a subscription or per-use fee to access and program the keys to the ignition. These costs are passed on to consumers

No one is picking your locks just to move things around or steal small, insignificant items. You are either suffering from a mental disorder or a trusted member of the household is gaslighting you (it's not gaslighting though, ~~you're~~ your grasp of reality is slipping. Don't call me for a pick proof lock, just get help please)

Some manufacturers (you know, in China) will put any sticker you want on the products they produce, including UL and ANSI stickers. Before buying a product that is supposedly fire-rated, such as a fire safe, check the UL website to verify the item is actually listed with them.

"Grade 1" door hardware sold in stores like Lowe's or Home Depot is, at best, Grade 2, and is likely Grade 3 (residential grade). These grades are really just about how durable the product is over time, and how much abuse they will endure by the public.

And just a little practical advice. Find a qualified, honest locksmith before you need one. We're like plumbers. If you wait until you have an emergency to find one, the quality will be questionable. There are a lot of scammers out there. If you don't have a resource for locksmiths beyond Google, look on the ALOA website for members in your area. The good ones will know who the other good ones are, and won't be shy about sharing that info if they are unavailable or too far away

I'll take both

Why are we getting weird and territorial about cheese and pasta?

Like, fatally stabbed? That's a bit much

But, you know, a flesh wound, a bit of an ouchy, something to make you think next time you open your goddamn mouth Kevin you ignorant waste of skin…

Yeah I'd say that's reasonable

On Reddit there was a thread along the lines of "Millennials, what's your retirement plans?" and the thread was locked with a message from a mod saying they had to shut the thread down because of all of the comments about suicide.

Quite frankly, I get it.

That's the way it was. Privilege, which just means 'private law.' Two types of people laugh at the law; those that break it and those that make it.

Night Watch by Terry Pratchett

For reference for those using freedom units that's roughly 60 mph in a 20 mph zone

Bonus. In eagle burger land that will either land you:

• $200 fine and 2 points on your license (varies on state)

• shot in the face (dwb and reaching for a ~~gun~~ wallet)

• nothing (hello fellow patrolman, have a great day killing pet dogs)

Source: I'm a red-blooded freedom loving eagle burger citizen

First off, that website is an ad dumpster fire. UBlock is a requirement.

Second, here's the write from the article referencing his Facebook post:

He wrote: "Many of us like to ask ourselves, 'What would I do if I was alive during slavery? Or the Jim Crow South? Or apartheid? What would I do if my country was committing genocide?' The answer is, you're doing it. Right now."

I thought this was a bone hurting juice comic but, no, I think it's the original.

Amazing

Um, excuse me, the FULL name is the Captain Samuel Vimes 'Boots' Theory of Socioeconomic Unfairness.

I'm a bit of an authority on it myself. Sammies are still taking the theory to every corner of the Disc.