WASHINGTON—In a move that significantly restricts the eligibility of thousands of American troops to fight for their country on the front lines, senior U.S. military officials announced Wednesday that all men with girl names would now be forbidden from serving in combat roles.

The ban, which goes into effect immediately, prohibits male personnel with clearly feminine names like Jamie, Sandy, and Alexis from serving in all artillery, infantry, and armored units. According to a Defense Department memo, the military is less effective as a fighting force when it deploys men named Francis, Sloan, Carol, or Loren in active conflict zones.

"Grocery Store’s Meat Section Misted With Fresh Blood Every Few Minutes"

https://theonion.com/grocery-stores-meat-section-misted-with-fresh-blood-every-few-minutes/

by @theonion

#satire

#meat

Had to check that one wasn’t @theonion
From: @feed
https://www.404media.co/closure-ink-ai-chatbot-ghosted-ex/

Cross-posted from "Clips from the Victory Day Parade in Moscow." by @LaFinlandia@sopuli.xyz in !ukraine@sopuli.xyz

Mirror

source

THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING

In a time honoured tradition, an American president has thrown another country’s election.

This time by installing Anthony Albanese as Australia’s Prime Minister, by making everyone too scared to vote for Peter Dutton.

The expert strategy for the US was focused around them fucking up their own economy and freaking out Aussies into voting for anyone who doesn’t remind them of Trump.

The liberation of Australia went so well that not only did the threat to civilisation’s party lose, he also lost his seat.