Marriage? Why, it's the greatest weapon in any noble's arsenal! Let me enlighten you on matters of state and power.

Marriage isn't about love; that's a peasant's fantasy. For those of us who bear the weight of ancient houses, marriage is statecraft of the highest order.

When I wed the second daughter of House Tyrell, I gained three castles along the Roseroad and secured my southern border against those Dornish vipers. Her father's bannermen now answer my call; five thousand spears when winter comes.

Marriage binds blood to blood. When your wife bears your children, you've created heirs that unite two powerful lineages. Should some upstart lord challenge either house, they face the combined might of both.

Consider the Lannisters and their gold. A prudent marriage there secures not just coin for your depleted coffers, but access to their formidable fleet. Or perhaps the Arryns, whose impregnable Eyrie would shield your lands from eastern invaders.

Politics shifts like quicksand, but marriage creates bonds that even the most treacherous lords hesitate to break. The realm notices when sacred vows are betrayed, and remembers.

So you ask what's the point? Power, lands, armies, legitimacy, and the future of your house. What greater purpose exists for those of us born to rule?

Now pass the wine. These matters of dynasty have made my throat dry.

If you're looking for a rational argument for the big party or the religious ceremony or anything like that -- You won't find it. These things are meant to play to the emotional, and this isn't a flaw, it's the whole point. People really need to embrace that we are, in fact, very emotional creatures, and that this is not a bad thing, and that yes, a lot of the things we do are done just for the emotional satisfaction of it. Because it's fun, because it will make you or someone you care about happy.

If neither you nor your partner give two shits about big parties or ceremonies, then neither of you needs to bother. If said partner does want this and you don't, then y'know, maybe have a good chat about that and find a compromise. That's how partnerships work. (Me personally I'd love to organise my own wedding and go all quirky with it, but I can live without it)

Being legally married is a separate thing, and is inexpensive in most countries (just a small fee so the bureaucrats can process the bureaucracy), and at least in my country is often done weeks if not months in advance of the big party and/or religious ceremony, with the couple already being legally married while they organise their wedding stuff. To be legally married is to have you and your partner recognised by The State (tm) as being a family unit. This has uses for a few situations in life.

Taxes. Health Insurance. Visa.

1. Kids. Being married before you have kids is huge in some states and important in many. In my state unmarried father's have no rights to children even if they sign the birth certificate. Sure you can adopt, but that's far more expensive than a marriage certificate.

2. Protection in the case of breakup or divorce. You have rights to shared property in a divorce, you have no rights to anything you didn't buy or put in your name otherwise. You can sort of solve this with making a partnership and putting all assets into it, but it's not quite the same and far more complicated. Also if you aren't the breadwinner, there isn't really a way to ensure spousal support without a marriage.

3. Legal protections. You can't be compelled to testify against a spouse. While you can do things like medical power of attorney, you don't get it by default like marriage, which means you either need that document on hand at all times or in an emergency situation you could be prevented access or decision making authority until you provide documentation. There's also social security, you can draw on a spouse, but there isn't an equivalent, same for pensions that offer survivor benefits.

4. Insurance benefits from employers generally require you to be married.

It's a shorthand for all those other legal arrangements, in a pragmatic sense. You can build the same thing with documents that confer the different legal relationships, or you can use the pre-packaged bundle. A lot of the one-off arrangements require a lawyer and filling fees for each document, where the bundle can be done for a $25 or so fee, and a judge or the clerk who collected the fee, depending on your jurisdiction.

There are also social and relationship perks to a public declaration of commitment. It doesn't change anything, but a public declaration can make things explicit on all accounts.
Rings are just a social shorthand to communicate that to others passively

They also don't actually need to be expensive. They became expensive because people are usually willing to shell out a little more for a special occasion, and a lot of people wedged themselves in and argued that without them it wasn't really special. If you can't put a price on love, then how can $10k be too much?

If you've decided to make a public commitment, a little party to celebrate is legitimately fun. You just need to separate what you need for the party to be fun and feeling like the scale of the party is a testament to your love or sincerity.

When I got married the ceremony was five minutes and done by a friend of ours, we had our friends and the closer circle of relatives as guests and we didn't need to save up for things because we only got what would make us happy for our party. Our rings were cheaper than most because we talked to a jewler and had them make something according to our designs, and neither of us like diamonds. (Mine is a metal reinforced piece of a beautiful rock we found while rock hunting at a favorite camping spot, and hers is her favorite color, laid out well to avoid snagging on clothing.)

Medically if something were to happen to one of you, the medical staff can only engage with next of kin or a parent. It makes those medical emergency situations much easier to navigate through. Sure, you can go through all sorts of legal stuff to make it work and spend a ton of money on legal fees, or just spend the $50 on a marriage certificate, do a courthouse wedding, and be done. It's an all in one package deal.

Depending where you are, there are tax benefits to legally married couples.

If cost is an issue, you can have cheap wedding. But I think the concern is more cultural in which there is an implicit expectation to have a grandiose wedding, like in a church and have a huge gathering and party with dozens if not hundreds of attendees.

First of all getting married is extremely cheap, just a small fee in most countries.

A marriage is a legal document that brings many legal consequences, from tax to residency and even hospital and death care there are many reasons why that document might be important for you. If you're going to spend the rest of your life with someone else, it makes a lot of sense to do it, it makes lots of stuff much easier.

Courthouse weddings are a thing, and not expensive. That covers the legal part, and doesn't require any fancy lawyer stuff like whatever wills or trusts you're thinking about. Not like we have any real assets anyway. Rings are not required, but you also don't need to spend a ton on them if you do want them.

Just last month, I left work early on a Thursday, met my now husband at the local courthouse, and we got married! Cost about $50 bucks. We're happy as clams about it, our families wanted us to do more but, that sounds like a them problem honestly lol

I do feel differently. Not more committed, I've long been ride or die with this human, but I get this sweet, sudden uprush of cozy emotions when I say, "my husband", or when he calls me "wife". I love him a lot and it makes me simultaneously very proud and very humble to declare that publicly.

I got married while standing in a river and I incorporated a pagan ritual in front of a select few of unsuspecting parents and their spouses.

Worth.

A month and a half later we held a fancy reception dinner and served pancakes.

Also worth.

My partner and I wanted it for legal reasons, especially since I'm disabled so he can make medical decisions etc.

We can either "register as partners' or get married. Both cost the same. Marriage had a wedding party. Costs a lil bit more, but brought together all of our friends and had a beautiful day. So why choose boring?

Getting married doesn't have to cost a lot of money, if a couple chooses to spend a lot on their wedding they're doing it for that sake, but it's not necessary.

Marriage wasn’t important to me, either - I was with my now husband for many years before we tied the knot. I’d never been one for the traditional big wedding, wasn’t sure what difference it would make, etc.

What changed? My Mum died - and in all the times at hospital and then dealing with the funeral etc - I realised just how important being “next of kin” actually is. In so many ways. And while you can cover most of your bases with various legal documents - honestly there’s already a super easy way, that is very well understood all over the world, that achieves this.

And while I wasn’t expecting it to feel any different afterwards, it really did - for both of us. More certainty and just really solid.

Jus an fyi, getting married costs basically nothing unless you have a wedding. It literally costs like $55 for the certificate at the court. You don't have to have a wedding that costs $50K. I know multiple people who literally just had some people over and got pizzas.

My marriage cost about 200 Euros and all of that went into Starfleet uniforms for the two of us. Our reason for getting married was financial, but we'd been engaged for 2 decades. Just hadn't gotten around to actually doing it, heh. Nothing's actually changed about our relationship since then because of course, why would it, we'd been together for 22 years before saying yes. But it's just a nice, grand gesture to proclaim to the world in no uncertain terms that you intend to stay together.

Edit: "no uncertain terms". Not "uncertain terms" because that's nonsense

I didn't get married for the love or the religious reasons, it's just way easier when you buy a house together. Now, if I die, all my stuff automatically belongs to my wife.

We got married on a Tuesday morning at the municipal building at 8:30 making it free. The only thing we spent money on was the rings.

Of course there are the legal benefits people have mentioned, but I think a lot of it is that humans love our symbolism and ceremonious tradition. Sure, the ring and ceremony aren't what make your bond, but it is symbolically immortalized through them.

Weddings don't have to be incredibly expensive. My wife doesn't like diamonds, so I proposed to her with a piece of her birth stone. We had our wedding in a state park, we were able to reserve a large section of it for sub $100. We went with simple silver wedding bands from a local jeweler. The biggest cost was food and drink for 70 people. Even though ours was comparatively cheap for a wedding, you could do it way cheaper. Some couples choose to elope, some have a smaller ceremony with only their closest family. It doesn't need to cost an arm and a leg to be a beautiful day.

It took me a while to fully realise the implications of marriage. At first I thought it was about commitment and love etc. but legally you are literally taking two people and turning them into one. One, glued together, single being that can own things jointly (like a house for example).

In the eyes of the law you become one being that can do things like have a joint bank account. It's both really handy, but also a massive risk if things go south. It has some huge implications that not everyone realises too. For example, here in the UK (might be the same elsewhere but I'm not sure) you can own a house jointly BUT if one of you becomes legally incapacitated (like having a serious stroke or something) and needs state care the state will drain YOUR assets to pay for your care costs until you only have about £15k left! (last I checked. It might be more now).

That includes FORCING you to sell your house to pay for care costs! To avoid that you literally have to change your ownership status to something called "Tenants in Common" because then you both own 50% of the house and the state can't sell half a house so that protects you. They're aggressive about it too so if you switch to Tenants in Common straight after the incapacitating event, they can claim "deliberate deprivation" and revert you back to joint owners.

That's just one example of the minefield you need to be aware of. The good stuff is definitely financial though. Everything is suddenly half price for example because people tend to share 50/50 in all the costs. That's really helpful! :)

You pay less taxes, its easier to get a loan (if you both have good credit), you automatically have all the rights to know about their health in an emergency situation, whereas a girlfriend/boyfriend needs to go through extra steps, some of which are impossible in an emergency. Some people also view marriage as a very religious thing and so that part of it is a big deal to them.

A display of and testament to your eternal commitment, so that your loved one feels the intensity of that love, and your brother in law can get hammered and try to fuck your second cousin.

Seems pretty straightforward to me

So, Suze Orman is a fairly well-known investment advisor. Back when marriage equality was new, she totted up that there were over 1100 benefits to getting married. I don't know what they all were, and I'm sure some of them are obscure, but still ....

It gives us certain rights and protections, tax benefits, etc. Hospital visitations, legal stuff, the ability to get in your own queue for immigration, and it's a sign to each other that you both are committed to each other for the long haul. It's a sign of trust.

Two reasons: Practical considerations (shared assets, certain legal protections, I've seen people get married for an easier go re: immigration in some cases, etc. Basically check your local laws); and ritualistic.

I find people often discount the importance of certain ritual practices in Western secular society, and for a lot of people ritual in general is a whole lot of fluff and nonsense. But having a ceremony to recognize a formal joining of two people, and by extension their families (to varying degrees), with the at least ostensible intent that you will live and die in partnership with that person, is a powerful thing. It's a common ritual among multiple societies, with lots of variation and differences in exactly what it signifies, but the ubiquity speaks to that power IMO.

Don't get me wrong - I think divorce is a good thing for when the partnership truly does not and cannot work, and people can live happily in lifelong unions without marriage - but for some folks, taking that vow in the eyes of your friends and family (and whatever deity concept you may have, if that's your kink) is a very important and serious thing. Something changes, to some degree, when you take that oath.

It doesn't have to be expensive - that it often is, IMO, is a function of capitalism infecting a beautiful thing more than anything else. You can have a wedding in someone's backyard officiated by someone who paid $25 online for a certificate, with a small number of close friends and a potluck BBQ afterwards, and it would be just as valid and meaningful as a wedding that cost 100k (shit, IME the smaller one is actually more meaningful in a lot of cases). It's the intent, ritual, and meaning participating parties place on it that's important.

Some rights can be similar, but you'll always have to declare the other person as your legal whatever. Marriage says to the state that this person is my default for pretty much everything--power of attorney, medical stuff, property ownership, etc. So if I get in an accident and fall unconscious, my wife doesn't have to fight the hospital staff to see me.

Depending on your country, there are other bonds that have the same legal binding as marriage.

In addition, if we're honest, there are some "soft" benefits as well. My wife changed her name when we got married, and having the same last name (and our kids having the same last name) avoids a lot of complexity with things like traveling (especially because our daughter is a different skin color than the rest of us). Marriage didn't explicitly grant us that privilege, but there are a lot of societal norms that come with it that have proven beneficial.

I'm not trying to claim that any of this is how it should be necessarily, but if you're asking about practical reasons why, those are some of them. If you want the practical benefits without the cost, it's (relatively) cheap to go to the courthouse or Vegas. Hell, you can get a friend to perform the ceremony for free, all you pay is for the marriage license. But if you're otherwise not interested in marriage and those benefits don't appeal (or whatever other reason), just stay dating.

I know there are certain legal situations where an official marriage changes who has certain rights, but aren’t those same rights available if you make other legally-official decisions E.G. a will or trusts, etc?

This is not the case. Marriage gives you a lot of specific rights that can be covered by other legal documents but never together and marriage will override it. This is one of the main goals for giving gay marriage is all of the legal benefits of marriage which are expansive and complete. (This is of course in the USA this is not the case in other locations.)

There was a few legal pushes to separate these legal benefits from marriage into different legal rights that can be granted piecemeal. If you are intersted I would read The Other Significant Others which talks about people who prioritize friendships over marriage and how they interact with their "other significant other" which includes the legal discussions.

I didn’t do the marriage thing because of love. I don’t need a piece of paper to tell me that. I did it for the logistical stuff. Buying a house. Having a kid. Combining finances. Life insurance. Health insurance. While all of this could be possible without being married, it’s much easier to have a marriage certificate than to try to prove to everyone all the time that we’re partners. If my husband were in the hospital on life support, being next of kin would simplify so many things. My culture is designed in a way that traditional marriage shapes so many processes. There may be workarounds, but they’re not always simplified and most people may not know how to use them. That can take valuable time that you don’t always have.

I’m getting married this summer, for my girlfriend and I it is purely practical. We own a house together, but because of how the laws are here in Denmark my mom would inherit my 50% instead of it going to my future wife in case I die. We could pay a lawyer to make a document that’ll du the same, but it’ll cost the same as the party we’re throwing instead.

You gain legal protections against being forced to testify against one another.

Just go do it at court on the cheap and throw a party.

Depending on the country it can make e a significant difference in finances, because taxes, inheritance laws, credit scores, etc.

Finances aside, yes, for some people the ceremony is a ritual that carries heavy meaning and the ring and a ceremony is a way to strengthen the relationship. Is a ritual that is culturally significant and very significant for some. Everyone is different so just because for you and me it is irrelevant that's not the case for thousands of others.

It's like swearing an oath of sorts. You may ask yourself, why do they waste time in court making people say they won't lie and why some need to do it with a bible? People still lie after all. Or what difference does it make when people hook pinkies over a promise? It's just a promise like any other and it can be broken. But people still do these things, and they get married too.

It makes boomers respect you more.