Be very skeptical of any "rules" of first dates. This one is definitely bunk.

Lots of people don't drink.

Lots of people don't like bars.

Lots of people think dinner/drinks where there is nothing to do but chat is an awful first date. (Hello, this one is me 100%).

Lots of people are conscientious of drinking on a first date with a person they don't know as a safety measure. (Hello, me again).

Throw in religious/cultural/medical needs on drinking and this "rule" falls apart even faster.

What is expected is that you are kind to your date and spend your time getting to know each other.

If you don't drink, don't drink.

You can consider it a filter. Anyone who can't understand you not drinking on a first date probably isn't compatible with you. Not because of their drinking preferences but because of their unwillingness to respect your choices.

There will be plenty of time as you get to know a person later on that you can meet at a bar for a drink which isn’t and shouldn’t be a big deal.

You can get to first know the person as is with a coffee. Coffee or tea doesnt change a personality. Alcohol can.

If they can’t handle just going for a coffee and get all weirdly defensive about you not having a drink that it’s a red flag.

Alcohol can mask if they are an alcoholic on your first meet. And if they are insistent about getting alcohol as a first meet and make it a big deal like it’s their ‘everything’ that is telling you they are likely an alcoholic. That’s how addicts are about the thing they are addicted to.

Red flags aren’t something you accommodate. It’s something you take as a warning sign.

Expected by whom, society? Who cares? You do you, if you don't want to drink then a polite 'no thanks I'd rather get coffee' or whatever is all you need. Anyone who tries to pressure you into drinking after that is an asshole, and why do you care what assholes think?

It's common, but not expected in the sense that most potential partners would be put off by your choice not to drink. If a date pressures you to drink when you don't want to, that's a red flag. Maybe propose something other than a bar if you don't want to drink.

Why drink if you’re gonna drive?

A large number of people, perhaps even a majority think that it's perfectly fine to drive after light drinking. The bar industry in the USA has tried to push a narrative that it's mainly severely impaired drivers who cause crashes and the current DUI thresholds are too low. I used to think that until I went looking for research to back it up and found that there's a pretty linear response in terms of driving worse as BAC increases. Driving is dangerous enough without any impairment.

As an American in his mid 40s, I can say that I've never once had alcohol on a first date

Give your potential date an option of drinks [if you're ok with alcohol obviously) or coffee/tea. It let's them decide what they are comfortable with.

even as a drinker, i did not drink alcohol on any date.

if your date simply needs alcohol, that tells you something you should probably know.

The only rules that matter are the ones you and your date agree on and largely revolve around where it is you decide to meet. There's nothing wrong with either of you having a drink if you're somewhere that serves alcohol. There's a lot wrong if either of you go on a bender. There's also nothing wrong with drinking a soft drink too. Or doing an activity based date rather than a food/drink oriented one.

Just communicate openly with each other before the date with an eye towards your dates feelings/perception of safety.

Alcohol is a social lubricant, if you're a drinker then yes it's pretty natural to assume a few drinks on a first date would loosen both parties up. Not everyone is a drinker and that's fine but I don't think it's weird at all to want drinks on an occasion where people are probably a bit nervous and awkward. Re: driving, take an uber? The bus?

People discussing their opinion is just that: people discussion their opinion. There is no rule, end of the story. No matter how well formalized said opinion may be.

OP: what age are you and where are you from?

Most people I know meet up for coffee.

I don't think its uncommon to have a beer at a restaurant or as a drink or dinner. Meeting up at a bar for drinks as a first date feels funky, at least in my region.

If that's not your jam then probably don't push into it. A date should be a comfy experience for everyone involved, if possible.

I see a lot of good takes here, and I would venture a guess that it also probably varies by what country one is talking about.

Where I live, yes, though we're pretty much a nation of alcoholics in denial.

I just drink tea when I go to a bar and need to drive, no one has ever commented about it

Absolutely no alcohol on the first date. To me it is a red flag and we probably won’t see each other again.

I am here to see if there is any spark or if I can even stand you in person and vice versa. Alcohol doesn’t help with that and it shows me you probably have a drinking problem.

These kind of things are those you should be picky about when dating. I had to learn this the hard way with two psycho exes in a row. Say no, take your time with the candidates and choose while sober.