Cube of instant castle: Say the keyword 'open' to transform this cube into a '200x'200 castle. The transformation happens instantly, and if you're caught in the area of effect, be prepared to get smashed. The cube is hard of hearing.
Excellent weapon then
I'll use a sending stone like a garage door opener as I'm pulling up in the carriage
Sword of Bludgeoning
+5 impact damage -2 stab damage
Only 10% off, because pommel strikes are op
Cape of (Refugee) Flight: you gain the power to fly for your life.
Screaming Cloak of Invisibility: you're invisible, but the cloak constantly screams, "HE'S OVER HERE!!!" and tries to give away your location.
The Tax Axe: raises both your taxes and your target's with every swing.
I might actually steal that cloak for my D&D campaign lol
I was thinking something like flight but only in directions away from enemies.
Potion of Water Breathing: DOES NOT RETAIN AIR BREATHING
The "Sword of Instant Regret". It does 100% DMG, but only stabs the wielder.
Axe with increased crit range (both sides)
Flaming sword (no off switch; do not keep near oil, pa}er, etc.
Sweaty Sword:
Really good sword, strong steel. The handle is wrapped in living leather harvested from the palms of a cursed pervert. It's always slightly warmer than your hand and it exudes a sticky substance that enhances grip. Smells like corn.
Survival Stew Balls:
A fried ball of...food. It's rock hard, slightly too big to hold with one hand easily, completely impermeable, and covered in a flaky, delicate panko breaded crust. To eat, boil one in 5 gallons of water to produce a pot of stew. The flavor is different for every ball. Never cook two in the same pot at the same time. Wash the pot thoroughly within 6 hours after removing from heat. especially if it's made of iron. Under no circumstances are you to reheat the left overs.
Emergency Shews:
Bubble gum that turns into one time use sandals. Once the flavor runs out, you have 30 seconds before the gum expands into shoes. The sizes seem to have been printed on the gum but they've long since faded or rubbed off. Durian flavor.
Dead Cat Bounce:
A black bottle with a cat eye painted on it. If you drink the contents and die due to falling from a great height, you will be revived immediately and launched with equivalent force in a random direction.
Survival Stew Balls:
A fried ball of…food. It’s rock hard, slightly too big to hold with one hand easily, completely impermeable, and covered in a flaky, delicate panko breaded crust. To eat, boil one in 5 gallons of water to produce a pot of stew. The flavor is different for every ball. Never cook two in the same pot at the same time. Wash the pot thoroughly within 6 hours after removing from heat. especially if it’s made of iron. Under no circumstances are you to reheat the left overs.
that's some stuff you find in the lunch room of an SCP facility
It's a furby right?
Bag for holding:
It's a bag of holding but instead of occupying a bag slot it must be kept in the main hand.
Bag of handholding 👀?
Handbag of holding
Spellcaster focus could work, but I like imagining a barbarian running lopping heads with a machete and a purse.
Circlet of human perfection, but the creator had a really niche fetish.
Bag of Communal Holding
Content is shared with all other bags of communal holding in existence. Sometimes retrieving objects involves awkward hand contact if someone else is using their bag at the same time.
Sword with fire enchantment, fire has no regulator and cannot be turned off.
Wand of Fireball: has a medium chance of shooting a stream of cinnamon whiskey.
Imagine if they rolled the whiskey thing whenever they tried to use it. Then at the local tavern "SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS!"
(Dice clatter)
TPK.
Arrows of Accuracy: These arrows will always hit. Starting from the target, then out from that point, the hit roll is checked against defenses.
If nobody is hit, the arrow strikes the firer.
Can just imagine the arrow running around like a terrifying game of duck duck goose
Bead of (Uncomfortable) Nourishment: Standard effect, but must be taken nasally. Oral absorption may cause permanent magical flatus.
a skill scroll but the skill is related to an unknown knowledge of FORTRAN. Those who have used similar scrolls in the past have lost their sanity mumbling about "transitive arrays" to an early grave. many scholars believe the scrolls to be a form of dark magic and a form of punishment against man and his hubris.
a tome of summoning but it can only summon fictitious characters from textbooks. characters like the ones portrayed in math books and the like. you can use them an unlimited amount of times but they remember everything each time they come back. it's a bad idea to summon them as fodder as they will eventually kill you out of desperation.
an amulet of perception, it really doesn't do anything but turn you into a conceited astrology hipster that always gives their opinion on how you need to "open your chakra" and constantly attempts to strike up sexual awakenings with the general public. it has a hidden trait that enrages anyone that's heavily spiritual or holy, temporarily turning them to evil.
Humor, jokes, memes about TTRPGs
