Hold me closer, Tony Danza.

Wrapped up like a douche

Actual lyrics

Revved up like a duece

• Blinded by the light

12 year old me is at the dentist in the middle of getting a cavity filled when Benny and the Jets comes on.

I'm trying not to laugh while the radio keeps saying "She's got electric boobs!"

Ozzy Osborne is famously known for mishearing the lyrics to Jimmy Hendrix’ Purple Haze as “excuse me while I kiss this guy”.

Get lucky by daft punk, when the robot voices say 'we're up all night to get lucky' I can't unhear 'we'll rub up a mexican monkey'.
I'm sorry for ruining this song for you.

There is a famous one here in Germany that everyone gets wrong.
The original line being sung: "Es tobt der Hass da vor meinem Fenster", meaning "Hatred is raging in front of my window".
What everyone hears: "Es tobt der Hamster vor meinem Fenster", meaning "The hamster is raging in front of my window".

Not originally me but I sure hear it now, in Empire State of mind Alicia keys says “concrete jungle where dreams are made of” which is a pretty shit bar in an otherwise good song. A popular way to mishear it is “concrete jungle wet dream tomato”, which makes only slightly less sense

There's a bathroom on the right.

• why would they sing this?

There's a bad moon out tonight

• oh, that makes sense

Oh I was maybe 22, 23, loudly singing along with Elton John as he belted out "love I feel it in my haaaands, I can tell by the things I would do with another maaaan!" when I realized that probably was not something someone would sing back then. It literally had never occurred to me that he could be singing anything else, and it still sounds like that to me.

Love lies bleeding is the NAME of the song, but I'd never heard it announced or seen it.

Love lies bleeding in my hands

Oh it kills me to think about you with another man

I kissed a girl and I liked it
The taste of her merry chopsticks.

Not mine but one day my buddy's 6 year old asked "what's parking tips?" My buddy being a veteran dad gives him some generic parking advice, doesn't think much of it until later when he hears his kid singing along to the shaboozy song but instead of "everyone at the bar getting tipsy" he's sing about how everyone getting parking tips.

When listening to Bad Moon Rising, instead of "there's a bad moon on the rise" I hear "there's the bathroom on the right"

A song by Fear factory called Linchpin the intro the singer goes "can't take me apart!" Sounds like "cat, give me your paw!!"

AFI, Summer Shudder.

The actual lyrics are "Under the summer rain" and somehow I kept hearing "Priest on a lake" the first several times I heard it.

Michael wants to party all the time - with Eddie Murphy. Thought it was his ode to trans dating.

Not exactly “misheard”, but the lyrics to the Minecraft parody of “Dynamite” stuck more strongly in my head than the original.

Not exactly misheard but what I came up with and which became canon to my household despite not really sounding alike:

Tape Five's 'Taxi to Bombay' became 'Text me Your Butthole.' (And please do not.)

Edit: Just remembered an actual misheard one. I am a bit hard of hearing, and the They Might Be Giants song Subliminal I heard as Submersible. Considering that the lyric is 'Subliminal... in an unnoticeable way,' my interpretation was pretty damned funny.

In the song "Better Dig Two" by The Band Perry, the chorus has the line "I'm gonna tell the gravedigger that he better dig two". There was a good like year or so where I heard it replacing the d in gravedigger with an n.....

Also in the song "High Horse" by Kacey Musgraves I thought it was just a really long way of saying "whores" I stead of "high horse".

"Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree"

It always sounds like the lady wants some "fuckin' pie."

Excuse me, while I kiss this guy! 😘

“Bald-Headed Woman” instead of “More than a Woman.”

From Rock and Roll All Nite by Kiss: I want to rock and roll all niiiite, and part of ev-er-y day!

My childhood best friend absolutely loved this song and sang it out loud ALL the time with these incorrect lyrics, I was totally convinced and would sing along with him. My mom thought it was HILARIOUS and so she never told us lol 😆

(The correct lyrics are and party ev-er-y day)

Bon Jovi, Living on a prayer:

"Take mah hand and we're makin' a sweater!"

This is called a "Mondegreen," and there are some examples here. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mondegreen

HAMSTER

When I was a kid listening to the oldies station, I heard "Little blue scoop" instead of deuce coupe.

Later my mom actually called in and requested it that way. I think they played the request on air.

In Radiohead's Sit Down. Stand Up, at the end, Thom repeats "The raindrops", but I kept hearing "Power Rangers". I searched for it and found a lot of people in my situation, I was amazed at humans.

Call me maybe: Before you came into my life, I'm mister sofa.

Doja Cat - Woman

"Roomba, let me be your Roomba. Roomba Roomba Roomba."

It's supposedly woman, but even listening very closely it's only very loosely "Wom man" and sounds like "Rumah" or "Wumah."

https://youtu.be/g7X9X6TlrUo?t=18

Oh my fucking god.

So my best friend heard the line or song, not sure, "Making Whoopie" as a kid. He thought the lyric was "they can whoop me" and thought it was an old slave song. I still shit myself laughing at the entire thing.

My mother thought the lyrics to Roberta Flack's version of Killing Me Softly With His Song was "Strumming my face with his fingers" (not strumming my pain).

Sex Pistols:

“God save the Queen, The fascist regime, Who made you a moron, And touched your wife’s bum!”

The translation is: The safe shrimp no one can be.

Smokey River Walters, the fire engine guy is the best one I've ever heard someone say.

Correct lyric is Smoke on the water, fire in the sky.

A friend thought "Pretty Vacant" by the Sex Pistols was "Streaky Bacon". Another thought "Battery" by Metallica was "Bakery" (pronounced BAK-A-RAY). In keeping with the food theme I thought the lyric "fingernails, cigarettes; a lousy dinner" in the Replacements 'I Will Dare' was "bacon and cigarettes" for longer than I care to admit.

When listening to a Michael Patrick Kelly song outside of a running car for the first time, it turned out it wasn't a nerdy song about "Beautiful maths", but just another boring love song called "Beautiful madness":-)

so there is this tull song where I thought it was "the smart guys aren't running the whole damn tribe" and I actually saw someone online hear it with the exact same wording. The actual line is. "the smart guys aren't running their warm and dry"

For some reason when I was a kid, I thought the song "Jessie's Girl" by Rick Springfield said "You know I wish that I had Tootsie Rolls" instead of "You know I wish that I had Jessie's Girl".

I still don't know why i thought he was singing about tootsie rolls, but that's how I used to sing along to it

Sex and buy lunch! Sex and buy lunch. Sex and buy lunch! Sex. And. Buy lunch.

Also,

We're the redneck kings of funk!

It's not fair to remind meh. Of the cross-eyed bear that you gave to meh! You. You. You. Oughtta know!

What prompted the post: I feel silly even saying it, but there was a rap song playing at my gym with female vocals in the chorus singing what sounded like “it’s the batteries of your mom”, which I’m certain are not the correct lyrics.

I forever thought the chorus of Billy Squire's song The Stoke was "Slow dance jug band."

That's how I sang it when I was a kid and I simply never reevaluated it as I grew up.