177

submitted 1 day ago by TotallynotJessica@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/yurimemes@lemmy.blahaj.zone

21 comments fedilink hide all child comments

top 21 comments

sorted by: hot top controversial new old

[-] MissesAutumnRains@lemmy.blahaj.zone 115 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

There's the obvious egg joke in here somewhere, but my hot take is that cis men can also feel envious because they desperately crave intimacy free of toxic masculinity.

I feel like men are robbed of emotional maturation and complexity growing up and that's what they're missing. Not a girlfriend or a wife, but someone who they can share feelings that they have no words for completely.

Being completely, wholeheartedly, smitten, enamoured, and left speechless by love and intimacy and emotionally vulnerable gets reduced to being whipped (before) or simping (now) until men can't allow themselves to connect as deeply.

Obviously, I don't think it's the same for everyone and there's probably a gradation of how true this is, but sometimes I see men that fit this idea and it just makes me sad.

[-] binarytobis@lemmy.world 18 points 1 day ago

I definitely agree with you. I have been flooded time and time again with messages from people telling me I’m an egg because of some comment I made. If I admire a lesbian couple, if I have a feeling or preference that skews feminine, or even something as innocuous as choosing female characters in a game because the male options look like hot garbage.

I’m 100% cis. I have a beard and a dick and they feel natural to me and I love them.

But I’m not about to defend my self identity to a bunch of people that feel justified telling me to completely change my life based off of one quickly skimmed internet comment. So instead, I just keep it to myself.

I feel cowed and silenced by this very vocally enthusiastic group of people, who tragically think they are “freeing” me. Men can have all sorts of feelings, and it’s OK. And someday, people will be OK hearing about it as well.

[-] Holytimes@sh.itjust.works 4 points 20 hours ago* (last edited 20 hours ago)

Remember anything and everything can be toxic even good intentions if it comes from the wrong place.

Don't let peer pressure get to you, it can warp your self perception and create problems when there were none in the first place.

Iv watched it happen more then once where someone lets all the loud voices telling them their an egg get to them. When they really arnt. It changes them confused them and creates unhealthy mental spaces. There's a reason it's considered a dick move in bird culture to crack someone's egg. That includes putting someone in an egg when they didn't have one in the first place.

Peer pressure can be a VERY strong force. And anyone trying to tell someone else what they are above all else. Is an asshole and not worth the time or mental space to listen to. Even if they do so for entirely good intentions.

The only person who can decide who and what you are. Is yourself. And remember everyone else, the path to hell is paved with good intentions. You may be one voice but you don't know how many other one voices are also out there.

Don't accidentally become part of the problem. Don't crack eggs it's not your place.

This said as a straight white man who can enjoy the finer things in life thanks to good well rounded emotionally available male role models growing up.

[-] Gonzako@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago

Yeah, I totally get it. I feel incredibly isolated from the world around me even tho it has never been more outwardly welcoming. I don't have anyone to share my rummiations with. I personally blame it on both a combination of a small town that doesn't support my interests and my habits being inherently isolating. So basically just spend life taking my dogs for a walk on my own and playing videogames.

[-] MissesAutumnRains@lemmy.blahaj.zone 17 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

I'm gonna be real with you, I've met those people you're talking about and they're mostly just terminally online people who don't have a ton of life experience. They found something out about themselves and it was so profound to them that they think it's a global truth to paint everyone else with. It is completely understandable to be annoyed or put off by those people because it's a hella inappropriate thing to "jokingly" accuse someone of.

Worse, people like who you're talking about actively push harmful rhetoric that straight cis men must be trans because otherwise they wouldn't have feelings/be gentler/dress non-confirmingly/whatever and end up contributing to the harmful gender stereotypes themselves.

Don't get me wrong, I'm trans and it was true for me, but there's a time and a place and a type of relationship you need to have with someone before talking about that sort of thing.

[-] N0tTr0xy@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 1 day ago

A lot of r/egg_irl memes were about that clothing, behavior and interests. It makes sense for memes, because memes need to simplify and focus on something that can be visualized. That sub is meant to encourage and validate. But I think that’s also in part where this is coming from. egg_irl here is thankfully less relatable

[-] MissesAutumnRains@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 1 day ago

Absolutely. r/egg_irl memes are funny and relatable when (IF) you're in your egg phase or you went through one. The retrospective nature of "I did this thing because I was desperate to live my gender in a safe/outward way... still cis though" is a completely understandable and cathartic thing.

But that is a place for people who ARE trans or gender questioning to release some of that pressure. Dragging that elsewhere and being so arrogant that you'd be okay with diagnosing someone else's gender dysphoria is awful.

I said in another post that the people I've met like this are often terminally online and not really socialized very well outside their cultural spaces and I think that holds true here, too. If you live and breathe in trans-focused spaces (especially if you're younger/the space is oriented towards that age group) it becomes easy to completely misunderstand communication and acceptable behavior outside those spaces.

[-] binarytobis@lemmy.world 6 points 1 day ago

100%

[-] Bonje@lemmy.world 32 points 1 day ago

This will be TMI but you struck a nerve so hewego:

As a dude, I can speak to some of this. I find myself envious by how emotionally free women are. My office demographic is heavily skewed towards having more women so I see and hear it a lot. Everyone looks so comfortable in being themselves. They are only roughly a median 7 years ahead of me in life, married, fulfilled, with so many more experiences and stories. But my perspective is also pretty outlier as will become evident further on.

I think it also turns into being angry/ hateful towards one self. "Why can't I be more like them?" "What did I miss/ what am I missing?" "What tutorial promp did I skip? " Which then turns into feelings of worthlessness and ultimately emptiness. At that point your brain wants to balance this internal state with equal or worse external stimuli, ones that reinforce you being inferior. And so certain desires are born. There's my half assed psychology minor showing.

To finally give more background than you'd like, I only really started making friends when I got to career work. This was for various reasons; being sheltered, not knowing better and being first gen immigrant and many others I'm blind to. Awfull social intelligence aside, this isolation and cultural disparity only piles on. Same with Americas car focused infrastructure, the roads are a sea and the islands are barren of social interaction while home to french fry palm trees. Add to that the socio-economic factors of clawing for some sense of stability and you get a pretty shitty sandwich.

And in my case I'm likely closer to that egg definition as well. But even with my hate toward how hairy my body is, or getting inconvenient erections, or how much a friend who went through conversion pokes fun at me for being an egg; I don't think it will bring me the happiness it did for them. I respect them a lot, its an arduous journey. But I feel more fundamentally unhappy.

A minor tangent on erections because fuuuuuuuuck ooofffffff. I get it its biology, instincts and all that jazz but for fucks sake. It heavily contributes to my self loathing. Yes, they are pretty and cute and everything else but I did NOT order my tail to start wagging which then starts me thinking about them that way. It makes me feel fucking awful. I don't wanna be a dick on legs.

Back to the regularly scheduled trauma dumping; I'd also need to completely cut ties with my only family to transition because of how different our perspectives are. The shit I heard from growing out my hair and name change, you wouldn't believe. Then there is the societal scorn and transphobia that I'm plain not built to deal with. All of these things would be isolating me even more which I don't think help. I'm in awe my friend was able to do all this, they are much more resilient and stronger than I for it. The argument for going through it, ofcourse, is that I'd find more like minded people, but I'm already in so many niche hobbies that should do the same and its not working. So theres gotta be something else, more fundemental.

So to that extent I finally asked for a therapist referral from my primary care doctor and went through the first onboarding session. It will take a lot of time. An ammount I don't think I have. I'll probably have to go though multiple therapists. But I have some shred of hope that maybe I'll find a way out that's not ending it all. And maybe at the end of it, when I'm comfortable in my skin, exists a person I can make happy by being myself.

Sorry for the vent(s), these things are easier to type than vocalise. I'd prolly break down crying if I had to say this aloud. Thanks for reading, lol.

[-] Sarothazrom@lemmy.world 10 points 1 day ago

you said a ton here that resonates extremely strongly.

thank u. :( ♥️

[-] N0tTr0xy@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 1 day ago

inconvenient erections

Well, it’s annoying to not be in control of part of your own body. I’m pretty sure that I was a few times envious during puberty about vulvas being way more secretive.

And it always gets associated with attraction or horniness even if it isn’t.

maybe I’ll find a way out that’s not ending it all

I wish you good luck with that

[-] jlow@slrpnk.net 12 points 1 day ago

Thanks for this.

[-] N0tTr0xy@lemmy.dbzer0.com 25 points 1 day ago

It’s also this thing with hetero relationships getting pretty fixed roles promoted in media. If role reversal happens, it’s often meant as a joke

[-] Sarothazrom@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago

:( ♥️

[-] Rhaedas@fedia.io 24 points 1 day ago

This is too true. It's the intimacy, and I think our culture shows that more with some group displays than with others. Men aren't allowed to want this, but it's totally something we need, just not necessarily in the same way. But we see two people totally into each other and feel it.

[-] Sarothazrom@lemmy.world 8 points 1 day ago

...ouch. ><;

[-] TotallynotJessica@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 1 day ago

❤️

[-] DarkSirrush@piefed.ca 11 points 1 day ago

🥚

[-] QueenMidna@lemmy.ca 8 points 1 day ago

Certainly was with me

[-] Amnesigenic@lemmy.ml 9 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

I have an extremely clear memory of my first experience with this feeling! We got digital cable when I was in 7th grade, I stayed up late all summer pawing through movie channels watching all sorts of shit. Stumbled onto Fucking Åmål and found myself completely overwhelmed by the entirely mundane and un-sexualized romantic depiction of two girls my age. Took me years to figure out exactly why it hit the way it did, shortly after I transitioned lol.