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submitted 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) by spicytuna62@lemmy.world to c/lemmyshitpost@lemmy.world

Based off a post I made on Reddit a while back. Hope y'all enjoy.

Edit: Since people are mentioning it - the stat buffs do not matter. I was being silly when I threw those in. But yes, the scale is 0-100.

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[-] TeaHands@lemmy.world 76 points 10 months ago

Fatigue mask seems cool, until you're just spending 7 extra hours a day procrastinating doing the thing you thought you'd use all this extra time to achieve.

The glasses are OP. With them, nobody can even be mad at you for all the procrastination.

[-] 9point6@lemmy.world 20 points 10 months ago

Fatigue mask fixes my insomnia, I like to think that the world isn't ready for that amount of unbridled power

..... In reality, I probably just exist as I do today, just less knackered

[-] FMT99@lemmy.world 12 points 10 months ago

The hours are great but falling asleep instantly and waking up fully rested.. oh my.. I don't remember the last time I felt fully rested even after 8 hours.

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[-] Sky_Lobster@lemmy.world 55 points 10 months ago

The penny is OP. Flip a coin, get a heads, buy the most expensive lottery ticket at the gas station. Wait 2 weeks, repeat. Infinite money glitch

[-] spicytuna62@lemmy.world 21 points 10 months ago

I was trying to avoid "cool item give big money" because that's exactly what I did when I posted the idea on Reddit. It was a set of dice that would give the winning lottery numbers and then scatter like the Dragon Balls. And then guess what half of everyone chose. At least the penny can be used for things other than gambling. Idk maybe something like that should be a single use item to balance things out.

[-] WaxedWookie@lemmy.world 26 points 10 months ago

It's functionally a wish every 4 weeks, and you know if you'll succeed or not before you attempt whatever it is.

Win the lottery, invent time travel, learn to fly, solve world hunger, conquer the universe, create the other artifacts...

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[-] Daxter101@lemmy.blahaj.zone 32 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

The mask, the penny, and (depending on how hand-wavey you get) the glasses, are on a different power level than the other two.

7 extra hours of life per day, at full rest?

On demand money(gambling), or better(anything else, like applying at a school), though unreliably, once a month?

Auto-navigate to your desired outcome when other people are involved?

Yeah, life-breaking shit

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[-] Adalast@lemmy.world 27 points 10 months ago

Ok, the mask if you are actually rested and not just "feeling rested". Being hit with the physical effects of sleep deprivation and having organs start failing after a couple weeks would be a real problem.

Otherwise, that damn penny. Knowing that I have 12 hours of "I win" without any real limitation, even if it ends up being 12 hrs/month, would be obscenely broken. None of the other artifacts even come close. I make sure I always flip on a Monday at about 8am, if it's heads, I apply for jobs I want and trade some stocks until about 1 pm, then go for a walk and see what goodness I can fall into for my life. Head home around 6pm with 2 hours of perfect luck left which I spend working on the cure for Autoimmune diseases and Cancer. Once I have enough wealth built up and have found plenty of cures to Salk the hell our of to piss off the pharma companies, I start working on Nuclear Fusion. Continue this pattern until I get bored.

[-] paholg@lemm.ee 8 points 10 months ago

I agree, with one huge exception. Why the hell are you wasting your lucky coin applying for jobs?

Also, sure, do some trades once to get some starter money. But that's a waste of your precious 12 hours a month. As is going for walks. You can be on vacation the other 98% of the time; spend every second of your penny time doing as much good as you can.

Cure diseases, solve nuclear fusion, end wars and violence, build infrastructure. There seems to be no limit the way it's worded. Hell, build the Enterprise from Star Trek (or a better space ship) and spend your non-penny time exploring the galaxy.

Do physical laws even apply? Can you build replicators for everyone? How about a mansion in a tardis for every person on the planet?

For how long do you have to try something to succeed at it? Maybe you can do each of these things in just a couple seconds. If that's the case, maybe penny time will quickly become non-valuable if you run out of ideas.

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[-] GregorGizeh@lemmy.zip 23 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

The coin, because I can flip every two weeks to attempt total world domination, and it has a pretty high chance of succeeding somehow. Or just more mundane things like flipping to win the jackpot.

The slick talker glasses are also pretty overpowered, you can achieve much the same as with the penny if you can just give a quick speech and everyone in the room either tries to fuck you or be you five minutes later.

But my heart is with the quick sleeper mask, I’m never really rested after waking up and also procrastinate going to bed all the time. Getting a full rest in one hour sounds like the dream

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[-] V0lD@lemmy.world 21 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Coin

Look, the glasses are nice and all, but they don't give you a 50% change to win the lottery and randomly realise a way to prove/disprove the Riemann hypothesis every two weeks

I wonder how this works with elections. In my country, the votes are counted within 12 hours. When I'm voting on a party, I am attempting to make said party the largest one. Does the coin just give me a 50% chance to unilaterally decide my government every election cycle?

Edit: oh shit, it's not 50% chance, but 100% after it came into effect once. The first time it lands on heads, try to guess the next flip's outcome by guessing it would be heads. Since the coin is in effect, this guess is correct, even though the next coin will only be flipped in two weeks

In other words, the coin just gives you reality warping for halve a day every two weeks

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[-] starman2112@sh.itjust.works 18 points 10 months ago

The sleep mask looks like the obvious bet. Have you ever been awake for 20 hours straight? It's not debilitating, but after about 18 I start getting woozy. I'm gonna go with it anyway, because even if I take the penny and win the lottery, the one thing money can't buy is time

[-] Adalast@lemmy.world 7 points 10 months ago

Au conteaire, money well spent does, in fact, buy time. If you are broke and have to spend half your day riding buses to get your errands done and you buy a car and can get them done in an hour or two, that is half a day you just bought. If you can hire a maid and a chef, that is all of the time that would have been spent cleaning and cooking that you now get to figure out how to spend. Don't let anyone lie to you that money cannot buy time, because being able to use money to speed up tasks or offload them entirely is literally buying time.

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[-] kogasa@programming.dev 7 points 10 months ago

You can still go to bed if you're tired. Just put on the mask when the cooldown is up. Or don't.

[-] esc27@lemmy.world 18 points 10 months ago

The penny, then I’ll try and take the rest. (Flips coin, it landed on heads!)

[-] nicetomeetyouIMVEGAN@lemmings.world 15 points 10 months ago

Get fatigue mask.

Work out until completely destroyed

Put on mask

Wake up refreshed

Rinse repeat until I can crush stones between fingers

Dig a lithium mine by hand

Dominate the battery market and develop affordable electric vehicles

Use money to build large tubes

Use personal strength to javalin throw that shit into space

Get obscenely rich

Buy facebook actually make it better

Change name legally to: Fuck you Elon Musk

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[-] GutsBerserk@lemmy.world 14 points 10 months ago

Coin is overpowered af. Just flip the coin and buy a lottery. At that precise moment, all other items are practically useless.

You can hire a cook, sleep, buy whatever you need, hire people to do your bidding. Who needs charisma when they have money?

[-] Buddahriffic@lemmy.world 8 points 10 months ago

It is overpowered af but don't use it to get money. Use it to get the charisma glasses and each of the others during your first 12 hours (coincidently, they will all be close and easy to grab). Then attempt to write out an exhaustive list of any other objects or abilities that might threaten you (or maybe start with this one, as the glasses are the only one that threatens you from the original list). I'd say hopefully no one else has some other object or ability that warns them of anything that might threaten them, but yours might nullify theirs during your 12 hours. Attempt to deal with the list before half the time has passed.

Then start attempting to gain new abilities. Or attempt to find 28 more coins. 28 instead of 27 so that you can flip the next coin before the current one runs out and never fail the next flip. The sleep mask ensures you never sleep through a transition. Not that you'll even need the ability to be constantly active.

"Anything you attempt" is waaaaay too broad.

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[-] BirdyBoogleBop@lemmy.dbzer0.com 14 points 10 months ago

Will the sleep mask make me well rested or the regular not rested I usually get from sleeping 8 hours?

[-] tuxtey@lemmy.world 8 points 10 months ago

Sleep disorders, checking in!

[-] ZeroTHM@lemmy.world 14 points 10 months ago

23 hours a day instead of 16 to 19 seems real good. That's like living considerably longer.

[-] starman2112@sh.itjust.works 9 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Idunno, now I'm conflicted. On the one hand, having 20ish more years to enjoy life would be great, but winning the lottery via the penny would make the 40ish waking years I have left much higher quality

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[-] qx128@lemmy.world 12 points 10 months ago

Ok … duh … the glasses are the best artifact.

You could be running the world in no time with that kind of charm applied to politics.

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[-] Abnorc@lemm.ee 12 points 10 months ago

If I equip the shoes and the frying pan, I can RP as the scout from tf2.

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[-] Kolrami@lemmy.world 12 points 10 months ago

I'll do you one better and rank these instead.

  1. Lucky Penny
  2. Caffeinated shoes
  3. Fatigue masking mask
  4. Frying pan of flavor
  5. The cool glasses
  6. Underwear of febreze

I really wanted to put the caffeinated shoes at number 1, but the lucky Penny sounds OP.

Also, the underwear is an unfortunate item because most people who need it wouldn't choose it. It's also the only item that could be simulated with one hour of effort a day (at most) for most people.

[-] Mesophar@lemm.ee 13 points 10 months ago

Nah, glasses need to be ranked much higher. Do you realize how powerful those are just in every day use? Always impress at job interviews or reviews for promotions/raises? Use in sales jobs or anything customer/client facing to always come out of it ahead? Not only being able to be effortlessly popular in all forms of relationships, but also always know the right things to say to help those people or help them feel better?

"Social situations" is such a broad term that applies to so much of life, and being able to navigate them perfectly implies more than just schmoozing your way to the top. They'd help you do better and be better, basically everywhere.

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[-] Bizarroland@kbin.social 12 points 10 months ago

I don't know, the shoes are pretty tempting. I can Sprint at about 10 miles an hour for about 30 seconds right now. Multiplying those by 5 would let me Sprint at 50 miles an hour for two and a half minutes.

I would be the closest thing the real world has to having the flash, or you know kind of like an overweight Sonic the hedgehog

[-] demonquark@lemmy.ml 11 points 10 months ago

Does the underwear cover basic grooming and self care? I.e. do I still need to trim my fingernails, shave, apply sunscreen?

What about the health benefits of staying clean? I mean nice breath is fine, but if I stop brushing will I get cavities? If I get a cut, do I still need to clean the wound to avoid infection?

[-] gullible@kbin.social 7 points 10 months ago

This was where I went as well. It’d be fine to appear immaculate, but actually purging every piece of filth from yourself, instantly, constantly is terrifying. Most especially when you consider it a bit further- it’s essentially an erosion field, regardless of how it performs the task. In the most extreme extension of its abilities, it may prevent any of that ooky lead hollow point from landing on you. It’s too vague.

[-] Clbull@lemmy.world 11 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

If I had to put these on a personal tier list

S Tier:

  • Cool Glasses - As someone on the spectrum who is below-average in terms of physical attractiveness, the one thing I sorely lack is rizz. The ability to put on a pair of glasses and be able to automatically pass any job interview, make any new friends, sell any product, chat up any woman, etc would be massive. Also, no cooldown.

  • Fatigue Masking Mask - Gaining an extra 7 waking hours of time in a day is massive. If you're productive this is the artifact to go for.

? Tier:

  • Caffeinated Shoes - This item is either moderately (C) to insanely (A) useful depending on its limitations. If you can skim across entire oceans at superhuman speed then that's massive. If you lack superhuman reflexes and will get splattered into a fine bloody mist from colliding with anything then it becomes a lot less useful.

B Tier:

  • Frying Pan of Flavor Town - Unless it's a massive cast iron pan, don't expect to be opening up restaurants with it. It's best reserved for your own nutrition and impressing guests with your cooking.

C Tier:

  • Lucky Penny - A 50% chance of having incredible luck for twelve hours once every fortnight seems great, but the cooldown is prohibitive. Also, unless RNGesus has bad luck protection, there is an incredibly slim chance that none of the 2000 or so times you get to use this item will yield any changes. Also, good luck can still wear off after those twelve hours.

D Tier:

  • Underwear of Fe'Breeze - Personal hygiene doesn't take up much time, and with the right environment and lifestyle you can easily build up a habit. This one is just the least useful.
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[-] discostjohn@programming.dev 11 points 10 months ago

Couldn't you use the penny and just attempt to find the cure for death? It makes everything else silly.

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[-] HipsterTenZero@dormi.zone 10 points 10 months ago

That underwear is cracked, gimme gimme.

also the coin holy shit, time to do some crimes

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[-] TheOakTree@lemm.ee 10 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

I would go crazy just to have the fatigue masking mask.

1 hour... fully rested??? Assuming one gets 8 hours of sleep a night (though, who is really getting 8 a night on lemmy?), you've just converted your ratio of sleep-to-awake from 1:2 to 1:23.

Extreme change imo, plus gives you the benefit of having time to take care of your hygiene anyway.

[-] SnipingNinja@slrpnk.net 10 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

The lucky penny is broken af. For example, you can use it to replicate everything else on the list or learn abilities to match them or better.

Basically, it's exactly how luck is purported to work in various fictional universes. It's kinda similar to Constantine's (hellblazer) ability.

Edit: I am seeing people disagree with the penny, but unless the penny is magical in not only giving you luck but also in how the flip goes you can practice to make the flip go in your favour by practicing (I have been able to take the equivalent of a penny in my country and make it fall on the exact side I want almost every time)

With no explicit negative feedback and the penny going dormant in between, you can absolutely practice it. Hell make it so the first time you get the lucky heads you both practice and attempt to make the penny's lucky effect permanent or at least semipermanent so that it goes in your favour the next fortnight you are supposed to flip it (if it can't be made permanent without flipping)

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[-] Catasaur@lemmy.catasaur.xyz 10 points 10 months ago

I've always been envious of people with great social skills. I could accomplish a lot more if I had them. The glasses for sure.

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[-] Harvey656@lemmy.world 10 points 10 months ago

We need scales, is +100 luck = maximum luck? Or is it a logarithmic scale? We need context here.

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[-] Decoy321@lemmy.world 10 points 10 months ago

No one's asking the important question:

Why is the penny silver?

[-] spicytuna62@lemmy.world 12 points 10 months ago

Gotta distinguish it from any old penny in the change jar.

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[-] don@lemm.ee 10 points 10 months ago

12 hours of solid fucking global mayhem every two weeks on a 50/50?! I’m patient. I’ll take the lucky penny.

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[-] Wizzard@lemm.ee 9 points 10 months ago

Take the underwear and go into the deep ocean or outer space.

Unlimited fresh breath is an invaluable bonus.

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[-] FluffyPotato@lemm.ee 9 points 10 months ago

Easily the penny. The mask is tempting to have more time in my day but I can just gamble and make a ton of money meaning I wouldn't have to work. It would also help with a ton of other stuff.

[-] Aremel@lemmy.world 8 points 10 months ago

Fatigue Mask OP. I'll take 2.

[-] doctorcrimson@lemmy.today 8 points 10 months ago

I wonder if the underwear also works if the user gets splashed with neurotoxin or hit by a wave of radiation. I know theres gotta be a clear cutoff but I'm not sure where it is.

Don't get me wrong, running faster than Usain Bolt seems cool, too. The sleeping mask seems like a great idea at first until you realize it would increase your food expense dramatically.

[-] raspberriesareyummy@lemmy.world 10 points 10 months ago

The sleeping mask seems like a great idea at first until you realize it would increase your food expense dramatically.

So what?? It would add years to your life! Imagine having 7 more hours of wake time every day for a decade! 7/24 or 29% more conscious life time! This is absolutely my choice :)

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[-] Pat_Riot@lemmy.today 8 points 10 months ago

I already have the frying pan

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[-] alquicksilver@lemmy.world 7 points 10 months ago

All these people out here making these posts, but do any of you ever work on creating the things you're telling me about? Noooooooo.

Gimme my damned magic sleep mask and penny, dammit!

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this post was submitted on 14 Dec 2023
543 points (96.6% liked)

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