690
submitted 5 months ago by Emperor@feddit.uk to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world

cross-posted from: https://feddit.uk/post/9649718

A Texas man has legally changed his name to Literally Anybody Else and announced he is running for US president in the 2024 election.

Formerly known as Dustin Ebey, the 35-year-old is a US army veteran and seventh-grade math teacher in the suburbs of Dallas, and now has a Texas driver’s license to prove his name change.

He said he wanted to change his name because he was unsatisfied with this year’s presidential candidates, Joe Biden and Donald Trump.

“Three hundred million people can do better,” he said in reference to the two frontrunners for the nation’s highest office. “There really should be some outlet for people like me who are just so fed up with this constant power grab between the two parties that just has no benefit to the common person.

top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[-] subignition@kbin.social 117 points 5 months ago

20% chance this man goes viral and actually gets elected

[-] KoboldCoterie@pawb.social 141 points 5 months ago

35-year-old is a US army veteran and seventh-grade math teacher

Sounds like he'd be better than Trump by a mile.

[-] sincle354@kbin.social 54 points 5 months ago

Shit, I don't know jack shit about this person but I'd lock in this third candidate if it was ranked choice between the three. Seriously, I believe in humanity enough that Guy, Random is my presidential character select choice.

[-] variants@possumpat.io 24 points 5 months ago

I don't know, I'm still leaning for Literally Anybody Else but Random Guy has some good points

[-] Neato@ttrpg.network 33 points 5 months ago

Dude could die and be better than Trump.

[-] KingJalopy@lemm.ee 38 points 5 months ago
[-] thefartographer@lemm.ee 13 points 5 months ago

Holy shit. Call the burn ward

[-] umbrella@lemmy.ml 29 points 5 months ago

going by just this and the fact he isnt backed by billionaire donors, and isnt doing a genocide? this dude is better than both alternatives you have.

[-] Sotuanduso@lemm.ee 5 points 5 months ago

Let's bump those numbers up.

[-] Astrealix@lemmy.world 55 points 5 months ago

Write-in campaign huh. Wonder if some people will accidentally vote for him and whether that would count

[-] viking@infosec.pub 30 points 5 months ago

That's probably the idea, and yes, any valid vote counts.

[-] LeroyJenkins@lemmy.world 17 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

literally not how it works. most places require voter intent. meaning only votes people meant to cast count. if a voting official notices that a person named Literally Anybody Else won by a write in, they'd go through all the ballots and make sure the ballots literally say Literally Anybody Else written out validly like a name. those in who they aren't sure of would require another election official to track down the voter and ask for their intent.

source: worked in the ballot counting process of a country. they literally have teams trying to decide shit like if you filled all bubble on scantrons, but circled one of the bubbles, does that count as intent? does it count as intent if they circle all the bubbles but not fill any of the scantrons bubbles? and yes, they count the votes even if they don't follow scantron directions but clearly demonstrate intent. i.e drawing arrows with a thing saying "this one!" next to all the bubbles you want may count as intent.

[-] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.world 23 points 5 months ago

most places require voter intent. meaning only votes people meant to cast count

Someone wasn't paying attention in 2000..

The Republicans have been trying to trick people into unintentionally voting for Republicans or nobody for several decades now..

load more comments (3 replies)
[-] jorp@lemmy.world 13 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

This is why everyone leaves personally identifying information on the ballot and when you vote they take your vote, look over it, and put it in a box assigned to your name.

It takes a few days for all votes to appear on the public vote registry where everyone can see who you voted for, and sometimes the president will call you to thank you for your vote.

Source: I am the president

[-] bartolomeo@suppo.fi 5 points 5 months ago
load more comments (1 replies)
[-] quindraco@lemm.ee 12 points 5 months ago

track down the voter

Any election where this is even possible is a waste of everyone's time. I don't know what country you worked in, but wherever you were, those were corrupt wastes of time, not elections.

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] Semi_Hemi_Demigod@lemmy.world 10 points 5 months ago

If you're going to do goofy stuff with your ballot you should know what the laws are so your funny joke nobody sees doesn't spoil your ballot entirely and make none of your votes count.

[-] DragonTypeWyvern@literature.cafe 3 points 5 months ago

Jokes on you, I live in Tennessee and the Democrats gave up on my formerly purple county

[-] radix@lemmy.world 53 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)
[-] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.world 17 points 5 months ago

He received almost seven percent of the vote for Lieutenant Governor of Washington in 1992

Nice! 😄

[-] FiniteBanjo@lemmy.today 38 points 5 months ago

Bro should have been collecting signatures months ago, good luck getting on the ballot.

[-] samus12345@lemmy.world 21 points 5 months ago

Biden is a hell of a lot better than a large number of people would be. Not so much Trump, though.

[-] EatATaco@lemm.ee 9 points 5 months ago

This is dangerously unclear because it could mean you think trump isn't better than a large number of people, or Biden is better than a large number of people, but not better than trump. Lol

[-] samus12345@lemmy.world 16 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

I thought it was clear, but to be clearer, there are very few people who would be worse than Trump. Putin, maybe.

[-] bfg9k@lemmy.world 17 points 5 months ago

Vote 1 Nobody

Nobody knows how to properly run the country.

Nobody is trustworthy and honest.

Nobody will work to fix issues in your local area.

Nobody cares.

[-] 69420@lemmy.world 5 points 5 months ago

I voted for him last time. 🤷

[-] kaputt@sh.itjust.works 10 points 5 months ago

Nobody noticed that.

[-] bartolomeo@suppo.fi 15 points 5 months ago
[-] AnUnusualRelic@lemmy.world 10 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

The Wikipedia page for others like me who wouldn't watch a video.

[-] tacosplease@lemmy.world 4 points 5 months ago

You should watch the video. Vermin Supreme appearances are a fun watch.

[-] 3volver@lemmy.world 15 points 5 months ago

If he actually wanted to change anything he'd be rallying against 2 senators per state. Instead he did some stupid bullshit that won't change anyone's mind at all.

[-] restingboredface@sh.itjust.works 12 points 5 months ago

It won't do anything, but it's funny.

However I do agree that there are way bigger fish to fry in govt right now. My personal beef is about the lack of term limits in congress. Those idiots should not be allowed to work 20+ years in an elected office simply because they are the familiar name.

[-] ShaggySnacks@lemmy.myserv.one 4 points 5 months ago

Term limits need to be balanced. Make it too short and legislators don't develop the expertise needed to do their job. If legislators don't know how to do their job, well-paid and well-connected lobbyists will gladly help legislators.

Set the term length too long and you get entrenched legislators who've been in the job well past their expiration date.

[-] CosmicCleric@lemmy.world 2 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

Personally I'd work on ranked-choice voting before term limits.

[-] 200ok@lemmy.world 14 points 5 months ago
[-] testeronious@lemmy.world 14 points 5 months ago

what if we used 100% of our brains?

[-] CosmicCleric@lemmy.world 3 points 5 months ago

what if we used 100% of our brains?

We would ascend to a higher state of being, and wouldn't have to worry about voting.

Either that, or we would be able to levitate a voting booth with our mind.

[-] nonailsleft@lemm.ee 10 points 5 months ago

Imagine having to explain this to everyone you meet 10 years from now

[-] jaybone@lemmy.world 5 points 5 months ago

I imagine you still introduce yourself with your regular name.

Though anything involving your ID probably results in a joke that gets old for you but is new and interesting to whoever you are talking with.

[-] maniacalmanicmania@aussie.zone 2 points 5 months ago

Vote Ficus.

[-] Kalcifer@sh.itjust.works 1 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)
load more comments
view more: next ›
this post was submitted on 26 Mar 2024
690 points (96.7% liked)

Not The Onion

11831 readers
55 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS