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submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by czarrie@lemmy.world to c/lemmyshitpost@lemmy.world

Thanks for joining me today! I'm here at the Reddit corporate parking lot, spot 269 (nice!), and ~~being assisted today by Victoria~~ all by myself because friends only tie down your ambitions.

Founded in 1978 as a men's discount shoe store on the west side of Philadelphia (born and raised), Reddit has, despite our best efforts, experienced an unprecedented explosion in popularity in the past decade. As of this morning, we are now home to over 16.5 million subscribers, of which a good 11% are associated with human beings, creating over 13 original posts each and every week!

As a business, our primary goal has been maintaining this platform at the expense of our users. As a result, we recently made the decision to acquire one of our upcoming competitors, Lemmy. This sale finalized as of Sunday, July 2nd, for a price that will not be disclosed because our VCs might be reading this.

Effectively immediately, we have enacted a few new featifits (a benefit and a feature combined) that will ~~hopefully pay for the new sous chef~~ will benefeat the Lemmy community. These include:

  • A newly revamped federation system that will allow Reddit posts to be viewed on Lemmy. This will be limited to one randomly selected subreddits every month, as chosen by myself, and I've been pretty much into cat girls this year, so they'll probably be cat girl-related
  • A unique new post sorting algorithm that compliments the above, boosting all posts that do, possibly may, or will feature cat girls after I have edited them
  • 500 Spezbux that can be redeemed for Speztokens at any point
  • An unshakable sense of dread about the future course of technology
  • Full length ads for Carl Jr's that will be sent directly to your inbox each hour and can be viewed for additional Spezgild
  • New scents

And much much more! Also, as is tradition for this AMA, we will not be answering any questions at this time, but please, feel free to waste your time and ask anyway!

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[-] JineteDeAbuelas47@lemmy.world 106 points 1 year ago

Hi spez!! Is the jailbait subreddit you were moderating coming to lemmy?

Edit: thanks for le gold!!

Edit 2: wow 69 upvotes nice

Edit 3: 420 UPDOOOOTS??? BLAZE IT LOL

[-] InfiniteLoop@lemm.ee 6 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

edit 4: thanks for the gold kind stranger! i’ve never gotten an award before!!!

(real edit: i have short term memory and forgot your first edit acknowledged the gold…)

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[-] GoosLife@lemmy.world 64 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Breaking news: Reddit CEO purchases free software: "still not the dumbest decision I've made this month" says Spez in rare moment of self-awareness

[-] HeneryHawk@lemmy.fmhy.ml 35 points 1 year ago

Did you kill Aaron?

Why couldn't it have been you and not Aaron? It's is because you're zero threat?

[-] Badtouchspez@lemm.ee 14 points 1 year ago

I can confirm. I, the one true spez that likes feeling people up inappropriately as per my username, did kill aaron. Then felt him up while furiously masturbating. Some will say there is no evidence, some will say that this is actionable libel.

-spez

[-] MargotRobbie@lemmy.world 31 points 1 year ago

Hi u/spez, why did you cancel my AMA to promote "Barbie" on reddit?

[-] Speckle@lemmy.world 14 points 1 year ago

We need answers! #justiceformargot

[-] NucleusAdumbens@lemmy.world 27 points 1 year ago
[-] aja@lemm.ee 27 points 1 year ago

Do you have a carbon monoxide detector?

[-] Lepsea@sh.itjust.works 9 points 1 year ago

No alarm and no surprises

[-] Nomecks@kbin.social 24 points 1 year ago

If you were in a room with Elon Musk, Donald Trump and Adolf Hitler, could you stop fellating yourself long enough to give disappointing blowjobs to all your heroes?

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[-] Snapz@lemmy.world 23 points 1 year ago

Thanks so much for the time to address us lesser people!

So with your head up your butt, I've always wondered... how do you see the screen to make posts? Are you wearing a VR headset inside there or something?

[-] doitlive@reddthat.com 23 points 1 year ago
[-] ooterness@lemmy.world 26 points 1 year ago

I'm sorry, but this is an AMA, so your posts must be in the form of a question:

Fuck /u/spez ?

[-] InfiniteLoop@lemm.ee 7 points 1 year ago

oh, sorry. “what is fuck u/spez”

[-] notatoad@lemmy.world 22 points 1 year ago

This announcement is supsiciously light on NFTs.

Will there be any new collectible avatars to help commemorate this occasion?

[-] TheGoldenGod@lemmy.world 21 points 1 year ago

I can’t be the only one who expected a shittymorph ending, with in nineteen ninety eight when the undertaker threw mankind off hell in a cell and plummeted sixteen feet through an announcers table.

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[-] PeterPoopshit@lemmy.world 17 points 1 year ago

Where is all the porn?

[-] missingno@kbin.social 16 points 1 year ago

Would you rather fight 100 duck-sized horses or never read this question again?

[-] Foggyfroggy@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago

So there’s this invincible snail…and if it catches you this post disappears from your memory

[-] spaceribs@lemmy.world 16 points 1 year ago

feel free to waste your time and ask anyway!

Are you staring in the sequel to Rampart?

[-] czarrie@lemmy.world 18 points 1 year ago

Thank you for your question about Rampart. Unfortunately we have no news to share about Rampart.

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[-] son_named_bort@lemmy.world 16 points 1 year ago

As someone who is a real person and not a bot programmed by Reddit, I have to ask how are you bravely handling all of the negative publicity that our handsome and fearless leader doesn't deserve but is getting anyway. Anyway, I'm a real person and not a bot, and certainly not paid by Reddit to post this.

[-] SweatyCheese@lemm.ee 15 points 1 year ago

What is the ratio of Stanley Nickels to Spezbux?

[-] Yoz@lemmy.world 14 points 1 year ago

Youtuber Louis Rossman called you a rapist. Is that true ?

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[-] randon31415@lemmy.world 14 points 1 year ago

Can you tell us about your new upcoming movie, Rampart?

[-] Belgdore@lemm.ee 12 points 1 year ago

How do you feel about all the people who want to have intercourse with you?

[-] csolisr@communities.azkware.net 12 points 1 year ago

Quick question: which cryptocurrencies can we use to purchase Lemmy Gold?

[-] Bouncingbollocks@lemmy.world 12 points 1 year ago

Can I have the password for your Reddit account?

[-] rbos@lemmy.ca 11 points 1 year ago

The April fools jokes are gonna be fire next year

[-] FatTony@lemmy.world 10 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Hi u/spez I was wondering: When am I going to get the money? It's just that my wife has been very vocal about it. "Where is the money?" "When are you going to get the money?" And so on.

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[-] onionbaggage@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago

Bring on the cat girls!!

[-] StaticElectricity@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago

We did it, Reddit!

[-] some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 8 points 1 year ago

Will Reddit develop a voice reader that features your voice? I have no idea what you sound like, but you look like you must have a terrific radio-voice. Definitely don't look like someone who'd be whiney and annoying.

[-] kairo79@lemmy.ml 7 points 1 year ago

What's your favorit Dinosaur?

[-] Xeelee@kbin.social 7 points 1 year ago

Dear spez: when will you bring back the best subreddit ever? You know the one you used to moderate before the SJWs made you delete it?

[-] ArtieShaw@kbin.social 6 points 1 year ago

Hi u/spez! This is exciting news. I'm looking forward to your valuable insight into the question of how to go several days without pooping. Three day's worth would be optimal, but I'm sure everyone would be interested in your vision for a future without enshittification

[-] Braz666@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago

How do you like your eggs?

[-] ilex@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago

Why am I attracted to the hooves of a centaur, but not a horse?

[-] FoxyZac64@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago

Are you realizing your decisions have ruined the site in ways I didn't even think of? (RemindMe bot dead, etc)

And if not is that due to the typical Silicon Valley pompous, ego driven, narcissistic beef brain bullshit?

[-] BarelyTheramin@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

Were you born a greedy little pigboy? Or did you have to learn how to be?

[-] 0x4E4F@sh.itjust.works 4 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Are black holes just another form of a pulsar and when will the US finally learn that burgers taste better with mayo.

Thank you.

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[-] bappity@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

got scared for a sec then remembered nobody can acquire Lemmy 😅

[-] Kyoyeou@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

Hello Mr.Spez! May I ask how much questions you are going to answer to today!

[-] yeontura@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

Dear spez, Who killed Captain Alex?

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this post was submitted on 04 Jul 2023
475 points (94.7% liked)

Lemmy Shitpost

26708 readers
980 users here now

Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

...


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6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.


-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

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...

If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


Also check out:

Partnered Communities:

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Reach out to

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